To argue with friend

[citygirl1961]

I would just like some advice before I say something to a good friend of mine. I feel I need to do but its how to say it.

She tends to avoid going into the city centre at weekends, especially close to Christmas as she says its too manic for her.

She messaged me yesterday to say she's meeting another friend, whom she doesn't see much, in town this Sunday. I replied to say its unusual for her and put a smiley face so as not to make it look like a critical remark. She came back with the comment that this friend works full time as is mega busy during the week so she doesn't mind as its a one off. My friend doesn't work now by the way.

The reason I am annoyed by this is that I met her in the city centre one day last summer on a Sunday when it wasn't too busy and she tried to steer me somewhere else. When I told her that I had been busy all week at work (I too work full time in a satisfying but demanding job) and preferred to stay in town she shrugged this off, was critical and told me I 'only sit down' at work and shouldn't be tired. I told her I didn't agree with this and didn't just take it.

I don't know how to respond to her now. I have let her see that I have noticed that she's being hyproctical so should I just leave it and wait till next time she refuses to be in town with me or do I remind her of the incident in the summer?

I don't want to argue with her but I won't be a punch bag either. She also made a sarcastic comment about going out for meals being my favourite pastime. This is something else she always comments on as she prefers to stay at home and cook, whereas I don't.

I don't think it's all that deep! I do things I don't really like to make other people happy all the time. Like a girl from work asks to go to a coffee shop I hate, but I go because it's polite. Would I go with my actual friends? No, because I'm comfortable enough to tell them I really don't like going there 🤣🤣 I think your friend is comfortable enough to be true with you🤷🏻‍♀️ so was just avoiding the hassle, of saying no to the other friend

I also wouldn't be offended by the you sit down all day comment 🤣 she was probably half joking anyway 🤣 the other day, my friend told me to get out of her car before she went into the parking space because, I would be too fat to squeeze out 🤦🏻‍♀️🤣🤣 I wasn't offended, I was def too fat to squeeze out 🤣 (if she was with someone else, she would have hunted for a different space)

I don't think you are controlling. I don't think this is much of a friendship, either, on both sides. You need to stop dwelling on how resentful you feel. Just leave it there and move on.

Friendships either grow or decline. It's not easy to face this but it's true. We would like them to go on forever but people just grow in different directions.

I have a feeling that simply letting go gently would be the best way to move on.

So you were being critical then! Don't flower it ip with a smiley, say what you mean!

She messaged me yesterday to say she's meeting another friend, whom she doesn't see much, in town this Sunday

The fact she told you that would suggest to me she was maybe hoping for a bit of support perhaps. Not a barbed comment with a smiley face.

If she's anxious about going into town perhaps you could see this as a step towards her overcoming that to an extent that she'll be able to plan going to town with you?

It doesn't sound like either of you likes the other very much.

After criticising my home I'd have been having a rethink about the friendship before even all the other stuff occurred

If it's a friendship you value, let it go for goodness sake!

She could have social anxiety. Some days I cant even walk into a supermarket on my own, other days il travel the whole of my town alone. It comes and goes for me personally, its possible your friend suffers the same way. If you have anxiety yourself then hopefully you can be a little more understanding of that.
Its also possible that her other friend is more demanding and doesn't pander to her. Your friend may have suggested a different place to meet and her other friend refused, you really have no idea of how their friendship works and how the conversation went.
You sound very resentful of your friend, seems like you dont like her very much. All of your updates you just want to paint her in a really bad light and make your point more valid. You should end the friendship for her sake if this is how you feel / speak about her behind her back.
Her comments about your job weren't great but if it were my friend I wouldnt be that offended by it. Id have pulled her up at the time to squash it or just let it go. The fact you are still holding onto this is more proof of your resentment.

This friendship does not seem to have healthy dynamics on either side. Both of you are passive aggressive to one another over text. Who needs that? I would suggest finding other friends who enjoy your company, and you theirs.