To consider sending my children to boarding school?

[Boardingschoolmumoftwo]

Slightly inaccurate title but my husband and I have reached a stalemate and we have to decide soon. I have recently applied to teach in a very well known British boarding school and am likely to get the role (obviously not guaranteed but let us assume) it is not terribly well paid but one of the perks is the education which is discounted by 60 %.
We currently live in a beautiful small town, my husband earns six figures (just) and I am at home with the children. The lifestyle here is very good, it’s a wonderful community and the education/healthcare/activities are brilliant (not in England) we have a great life.
SO
YABU to uproot your children and move to England for this job/education
YANBU this kind of education is life changing

name changed because I post often

You don't currently live in the UK? Would you live at the Boarding School too? What about DH? I think it's a big change to impose on your children for your job, I'm saying no.

So many questions:

Very very school dependant

Would you and your husband be housed on site and the kids board or would they live in your accommodation?

What if it went tits up, do you have property in the UK?

What happens to your husbands job?

How are old are the kids?

Are you abroad or in the UK at the moment?

What if you hate it, want to leave but the kids love it?

Are you from the U.K.? Moving from Wales to England is a lot less upheaval than moving from Australia to England.

Would they be boarding or will you all be living on site together?

How much better is the education? Are your children academically inclined?
You say it’s pretty good where you are, plus the lifestyle and community is good, and the pay is just ok, so I’m struggling to see any benefits to the move.

We would be housed at the school in full family accommodation. My DH could carry on in his current role as he is fully remote. Kids would live with us while at the prep then flexi board I imagine. We have properties in the uk but they are not really family homes but would do short term. Kids are 4 (just, not yet in school) and one, And I have no idea what I would do if I hated it and the kids loved it, this is what worries me most!

We are English/ Irish so not a big change in that regard. There are no private schools here at all, only about four in the whole country and all at least an hour away. The education here is very good but not comparable to this school

These questions, but would add - what are your kids like and does what you'd want for them in terms of an education match what the school offers? For instance some well known UK boarding schools are very, very sports and outdoors focused which is great for some kids but not others, others are highly academic and 'pushy', ditto. Assuming the school is single-sex, is an all-boys/all-girls environment what you would have chosen for them? What ages are they now, would they be joining the school at a 'natural'/normal joining point or would at least one be coming in as the new kid to well-established peer groups (this alongside being a teacher's kid could be a social challenge)?

Basically if it wasn't for this job/opportunity would the kind of education is this sort of the school what you would actually be wanting for your children, just because you'd be getting a discount doesn't necessarily make it the right thing for your kids. That being said it does sound a great opportunity, both for your career and potentially the kids, assuming everything can be worked out with your DH's job. If they're only little currently (which I'm assuming they are from the fact you're a SAHM) and the school is a secondary school (again an assumption) perhaps you have a bit more time to decide, you could take the job now and if the school ends up really not being right then you can just send them to the local comp anyway, not usually a disaster?

It's often helpful to write these posts, but I'm not sure what MNers can say to help; its more something for a full family discussion. How much do you all want to go, is a good question. Would DH be able to work just as easily from there? Could you find a satisfying job where you are now? It sounds pretty idyllic where you are now, so the main reason I can see for moving would be because you really want that particular job. DCs already have good schools so the education aspect doesn't seem like a deal breaker.

I don’t really know what my children will be like yet. My eldest is bright and curious, I imagine he will be quite academic. My youngest is currently a gorgeous chubby pudding and other than being quite content I have no idea what he will be like in any other regard

Why would they flexi board if you all lived onsite? Surely they'd be day students and then live in your family home?

DC are day students at a boarding school. They have friends who are children of onsite staff. Kids are happy there regardless of if they're day/flexi/boarders but I wouldn't imagine any of the onsite staff would bother paying double to have their kids board a 30 minute max walk from their house.

@SoNiceToComeHomeTo I agree, I think it’s more to kind of reason it out to myself. I don’t know if I’m maybe over egging the impact of such an education. Where we are is great, the lack of private schools means all schools are quite good but I feel like the education they could have is life changing but perhaps I’m wrong

@Chicooo from my experience with schools like this children often like to sleep over with their friends once or twice a week once they reach a certain age. I’d want them to have that option if they wanted it

@SoNiceToComeHomeTo this is a sticking point for me, I will really struggle to work here in a capacity that I enjoy and that does bother me. I also worry about the example it sets to my boys

I don't think that a particular type of education guarantees anything. I've worked with people from prestigious boarding schools who hated their time there and found it reduced their confidence rather than developing it; though it might be easier for children whose parents are close at hand. It depends very much on the personality of the child, and it might be too soon to know whether yours would be likely to thrive.
My main reaction is to think that you'd be giving up a lot for something quite uncertain. But perhaps you feel ready for that kind of change?

No way. You’ll feel trapped in this job until the kids finish their education - 18 years.

Theres no way I’d contemplate this.

Also check what it does to dh tax wise. Not all employers simply allow you to move country - it makes an employer’s life difficult. Everywhere I have worked, just relocating yourself overseas is prohibited, and a sackable offence of you do it on the sly.

Irish education is uniformly good. I don't really understand what your question is -- what is the stalemate you refer to? Are you separating from your husband? Why would you apply for a teaching job in another country? If you want to teach, why not get the appropriate qualifications and teach in an Irish school?

I mean, is the only reason you applied for a job in another country because you don't have the qualifications to teach in Ireland?

Um, no way! You have a great life and children who you don’t even know yet would suit the educational style of this school.

plus they’d always be looked down on as the teacher’s kids.

Do they guarantee places for staff kids? Not all selective schools do…

My instinct would be stick with the good life you have and train to work where you are.

You have a preschooler and a baby right? Even if you take the job realistically what are the chances you’d stay for a decade, until your eldest is in Y9 which is presumably when they move up from the prep to the boarding school? Even if it’s a girls school that’s boarding from Y7 that’s still years away. Take the job if it works for other reasons i.e. it makes financial sense, it offers good career progression and you like the idea of living there. Then in ~5 years or so reassess if it makes sense to stay or move on based on if you think boarding will suit the kids and how you’re enjoying the job and the location. Or at least that’s how I’d look at it.

Your children a very young and if you go down this route you are potentially tying yourself to working at the school for many, many years. If they are well embedded into it and you want a change of job could you afford to keep them there without the teacher supplement? Equally if they hate it (or one hates it) would you have to change job? It puts a lot of pressure on them and you, particularly if your home is also tied up with the job.

If say, you currently reside in Ireland, you'd need to check the tax implications on your husband's job if you're then say leaving an EU country to then work in Britain.

Personally, if you're Irish, I don't think you should make the move. There is still a lot of prejudice against the Irish in England (I'm Northern Irish living in England with an English husband). I get so many horrible comments aimed at me by people here, it really is nasty. I'd love to move back home but English husband doesn't want to face prejudice against him in NI 🙄 despite there being a large English population living in NI now and the fact he's NEVER experienced any issue in the multiple times he's been over there. Anyway, I digress.

Without details of the actual school, even private boarding schools here in England have their issues, drugs, bullying etc. If you've a happy family life where you are now, I wouldn't move the whole family for this, no.

ETA I know there will be lots of Irish living in England who have not experienced issues with prejudice, I just perhaps have been unlucky!!

60% discount sounds good, but can you afford the extra 40%? And all the extras? All clubs, residentials, exams, diagnoses (such as dyslexia) and interventions need to be paid extra/ privately. Private school cannot refer into NHS for that.
i have a couple of teacher friends who teach at private schools, and have to take their children out now. Sailing and residential for one child took the annual family holiday budget.
Afterschool activities are unaffordable to another.
Uniform, which has to be bought in school shop, is very expensive…

@ReadingSoManyThreads I am Irish but mostly raised in England, people would read me as English (I am so sorry you have had these experiences, I don’t think people realise how prejudice people can be against the Irish) I live in NI with my English husband and have never experienced anything but kindness here.

I can work here and am properly qualified to but teaching jobs pretty much never come up because teachers are happy in their jobs here and if they do because I live in such a small place they wouldn’t even be advertised