To consider sending my children to boarding school?

[Boardingschoolmumoftwo]

Slightly inaccurate title but my husband and I have reached a stalemate and we have to decide soon. I have recently applied to teach in a very well known British boarding school and am likely to get the role (obviously not guaranteed but let us assume) it is not terribly well paid but one of the perks is the education which is discounted by 60 %.
We currently live in a beautiful small town, my husband earns six figures (just) and I am at home with the children. The lifestyle here is very good, it’s a wonderful community and the education/healthcare/activities are brilliant (not in England) we have a great life.
SO
YABU to uproot your children and move to England for this job/education
YANBU this kind of education is life changing

name changed because I post often

@stanleypops66 I'm secondary and did sort of vaguely consider tutoring but would really prefer to teach. It is a wonderful place to live though we’re very lucky

@AlertCat I would prefer to teach I really do love it but may have to consider something else if we stay.
@handholdneeded2024 that’s really useful to know, thank you

She’s going to be working at the school

Is there any way of taking on tutoring? Is that a thing that happens there? Or could you advertise in England and tutor via zoom? I know it’s not really the same…

or maybe study for a new skill and see where that takes you?

There are excellent schools in NI so it wouldn't offer an academic advantage.

But it would likely be life changing for them because of the circles that they would be mixing in.

But the whole thing would be a very, very tough for me, as an Irish person and as someone who doesn't believe in private schooling, like your DH. And ultimately, I'd be happier with them having a more "normal" childhood. I definitely would feel highly uncomfortable raising my kids with the upper crust of English society.

So I definitely go visit with your DH first before making up minds and make sure he has thought this through.

Depends on school - is it South East?

Is it a good school? A big school?
Our relatives started teaching in one 25 years ago and are sadly institutionalised.
Their friends are teachers, the kids friends are teachers kids living on site. Their extra curriculars are in school.
When the school was going through a bad time, the roll shrunk and the kids had little choice of friends.
This could overall be a good thing but it's made them quite unpleasant in a teacher kind of way, never off duty, always in charge but their field of reference is small after all that time.

Why don't you go and try it for a term and then bring the family out once you're sure you like it?

I think the decision is not really about whether your kids should go to boarding school. you don't need to make that decision for a long time.

your decision is really "should I move my family to another country for this job"? And that depends on your DH and your family support and a bunch of other things. As others have said up-thread, this is a pretty relentless job - does it really pay well enough for all the work involved?

if you take the job, you can then decide later if your kids go to the local school or the one where you teach or if you change jobs again before they get to the right age.

I lived in England for a really long time and am back in NI. You are mad to miss the utter blissness of life for kids in NI IF you are lucky to be in a nice town with a good family income and grammar school on the horizon!

If you think they need ‘public school connections’ in England (you haven’t mentioned that but others have) you can send them to Durham/bristol/exeter/edinburgh. And pay for it outright with saved school fees.

Although I hate to break it to some but Irish/NI graduates have access to incredible tertiary education and global connections, I don’t think anyone’s wandering about saying ‘oh those uncouth trinity ones, no polish and fewer contacts’.

People are prone to think about public school opportunities with a lens of 30 years ago. What are you going to get compared to NI? Academic opportunities - amazing here. Beautiful grounds - literally surrounded here by incredible landscapes. Access to ‘posh’ sports - much more accessibility to and affordability of riding, sailing, golf, surfing here. You can spend your saved fees on ski trips if that’s your bag. Friend network - incredibly tight for life in NI. At public school - a lot of disparate students, only one set of school friends out of my public school friends are close and that I suspect is because they are slightly trauma bonded through some very sketchy 90s safeguarding at their particular school.

One of my friends did what you’re thinking of but not as dramatic - works in a big London day school for fee reduction. She can’t bear to admit she clearly loathes it but is stuck there for the kids for 12 years, is quite bitter to the point she’s alienated a lot of people, and is always going ‘but their school trip is to WHISTLER you know’ and ‘they have unparalleled careers services’ etc.

Well, guess what, we could afford to go to Whistler as a family every year AND pay a top uni consultant and still have change from their fees even at reduced level! Plus, our kids are at school with a massive range of backgrounds, which is in my view much preferable.

@mollyfolk my husband is very uncomfortable with it and I think his view is reasonable.
@Butthistimesticktoit I think honestly you’ve made the decision for me. So few people actually realise how amazing it is for kids to live here, the schools and the sports and the community. My little boy can walk in to any shop in town and be greeted by name, I think it’s so great for kids self esteem. The key point which really stuck out though was the savings we can make on schools even with a discount which can then pay for them to go to the ‘right’ unis if they choose to, thanks so much for your insights

Less drastic option - could you teach in ROI if you’re close to border? Huge teacher shortage presently.

Where are you currently living? Will your husband also be moving?

I can’t see if anyone has made the point, but boarding schools really aren’t nice places to work and I am pretty sure that I can generalise on that one these days. They are all behaving in the same way: withdrawal of TPS; increased expectation around extra-curricular; disregard for work-time regulations and so on.

The workload and day length is off the charts. No one believes you unless they have experienced it.

And I have never been that convinced by the quality of education, either. These high-ability students would do just as well if they lived at home in their families.

The two people I know who went boarding school have more issues than a big issue seller.

Both have nice accents though

@FabulousPharmacyst unfortunately about an hour away from the border so not an option currently I’m afraid, thanks though

Sounds a crazy move. Your life sounds great.

@ReadingSoManyThreads Oh wow really? I've made it to 40 without knowing that Irish or northern Irish were anything but loved by us English.*
I'm so sorry you've had those comments. I adore the Irish and especially your accent.
I know an Irish vicar (not catholic) from NI and I could listen to him talk indefinitely ☺️

*Obviously I'm aware of the historical religious clashes etc but always assumed that's now exactly what they were considered - historical.

How awful. I promise we're not all like that.