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Original poster

To not want to get MIL anything for Xmas this year?

125 replies

PippaKing · 11/12/2024 15:57

I know how heartless that sounds but I'm 6 years in with DP and not a Christmas has gone by where she hasn't moaned about what we've bought her...

  • Didn't like the fact one year that she hadn't got a gift specifically from her granddaughter (she was 4 at the time)
  • Didn't like the joint present we got her & FIL one year. It was a hamper that DP spent over £100 on, with thoughtful food & drinks inside from nice garden centres etc. She said she didn't like joint gifts.
  • Bought her Swarovski earrings one year. Made a side comment to DP that 'she would have preferred diamond earrings'
  • Bought an experience voucher another year to go for afternoon tea. Told us she didn't like 'experience' gifts
  • One year said she didn't want anything, was very adamant, so DP bought her a lovely seasonal bouquet of flowers as a nice gesture. She said the quality of them was terrible, rung up the company and complained about them it in front of us.

I can't even remember the other one but she's never happy...

OP posts:
user87349287657 · 16/12/2024 10:07

I just don’t get the whole angst that gift-giving/receiving creates amongst grown adults!
we do presents for the children, money for the teenagers, gifts for people that have been helpful to you, and the rest of us buy our own stuff. Maybe a secret Santa if you want to, but this culture of buying things just for the sake of it has become ridiculous.

WalterdelaMare · 16/12/2024 10:12

Surely it’s up to her son? Get her a voucher for a shop she likes?

Thedandyanddude · 16/12/2024 10:12

I'd absolutely make a point of saying she's so difficult to buy for as every single year you've had to note her disappointment in the gifts you've got her and she'll either agree or apologise.**

Thedandyanddude · 16/12/2024 10:16

lateatwork · 16/12/2024 08:52

I always think it's best to be gracious when someone gives a gift. But, some are more honest. There are often debates on here about whether you should say you aren't happy with what someone has given. The gift received can sometimes think the gift is a reflection of how much someone knows and understands them.

I like to feel like I have chosen the right gift. And would be upset if I haven't got the right thing to make that person happy. If the giver 'fails' several times, it's frustrating as the giver is also looking for some recognition that they 'got it right'.

MIL being constantly disappointed to me means she is saying 'you don't even know me or care to know what I like'

You (or DP) could ask her? This would improve your chances of 'getting it right'. No guarantees though. She may never like anything you buy her. If this is the case- you continue to give, with the understanding you won't get the feeling good factor of getting it right, or stop buying.

No its her being ungrateful.

She didn't say "I don't have my ears pierced, you don't even know me" she said she'd have liked diamonds! Which is ridiculous

She didn't say " I'm allergic to flowers, you don't even know me" she said they were bad quality.

Easipeelerie · 16/12/2024 10:29

I used to do the whole MIL wifework for Christmas and birthday presents and cards.I like to buy things they’ll actually enjoy so sometimes I’d spend the whole day shopping for just her. This didn’t stop her telling us and other people that we never get her anything.
I’m no contact with her now for other reasons, and present buying for her is entirely down to DP. He just about managed to sort something for Christmas last year but no sign of it so far this year. I find it flabbergasting that he can’t get round to doing this for his elderly mother, but - not my problem any more which is such a relief.

Easipeelerie · 16/12/2024 10:33

Thedandyanddude · 16/12/2024 10:12

I'd absolutely make a point of saying she's so difficult to buy for as every single year you've had to note her disappointment in the gifts you've got her and she'll either agree or apologise.**

You’d hope it would go like this but people like this don’t roll over easily. She would hold this conversation against the person, possibly cause drama over it in the family and carry on in the same vein (but with added cutting comments referring back to this conversation every Christmas).

Applesandpears23 · 16/12/2024 10:35

Jam jar the kids have covered with stickers and filled with sweeties, given by grand children with excitement. Can’t complain about that!

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 16/12/2024 10:45

FoxtonFoxton · 11/12/2024 16:43

I'd get your partner to ring her and ask her specifically what she wants. If she won't give ideas, he should say to her that she usually seems unhappy with his gifts and wouldn't she prefer something she actually wanted or should they just decide not to buy for adults in the future? I think honesty is the best policy here. No point wasting time and money.

I agree with the above.
My MIL is the same every single year. I finally stopped when I went to a great deal of trouble to get her champagne of the right vintage for a milestone anniversary and she gave it to her next door neighbour and rang me up to tell me how much she didn't want it.
I've left it to DH to buy her presents.. and when she complains I refer her back to him. Surprisingly she thanks him courteously for his thoughtfulness. (I actually tell him what to get but make him order it, its so difficult clicking on an online order.. I know I shouldn't)
She's now taken to giving me gifts she doesn't want from other people and insisting that they were gift from me. Eg Slippers. You bought me these and I really don't want them
No I didn't
Yes you did. I've put them in your bag anyway.
They are three sizes too small for me
Smirk.

Its a barrel of fun.

Switcher · 16/12/2024 10:46

Easipeelerie · 16/12/2024 10:29

I used to do the whole MIL wifework for Christmas and birthday presents and cards.I like to buy things they’ll actually enjoy so sometimes I’d spend the whole day shopping for just her. This didn’t stop her telling us and other people that we never get her anything.
I’m no contact with her now for other reasons, and present buying for her is entirely down to DP. He just about managed to sort something for Christmas last year but no sign of it so far this year. I find it flabbergasting that he can’t get round to doing this for his elderly mother, but - not my problem any more which is such a relief.

Edited

Yeah I've done the same, I figured if I took a step back from doing all the cards and birthdays and xmas for my DH's family, he would step up. It makes me quite sad that he can't be arsed, but it's also ridiculous that women are supposed to organise someone else's family, because what, XX is better??

rainbowstardrops · 16/12/2024 10:46

I might have been nice at the beginning but after the second year of moaning, I'd have refused to entertain the idea.

Just out of interest, what sort of gifts does she buy you guys?

Butterfly123456 · 16/12/2024 10:47

You won't change her - some people like to moan and criticise everything. Buy her a present like every year and just ignore her moans.You never know when you might need her help.

fedup33 · 16/12/2024 10:57

Sponser a child on her behalf. It helps somebody else.

Iliketulips · 16/12/2024 11:03

Let your DH sort something for her, but if she grumbles in your presence be prepared to take it off her straight away and say 'oh sorry, we keep getting it wrong, we'll return'.

NewMrsF · 16/12/2024 11:27

I’d make a game of it and start buying her the stupidest, most rubbish and outright weird gifts I could think of. Hand them over like it’s totally normal see the reaction.
id do this every single time until she started acting grateful.

Whatifitallgoesright · 16/12/2024 11:32

I've no patience with grown adults acting like putulent children. Get her 4All vouchers and a box of chocolates and if she doesn't like them make sure you eat them yourself.

Blueuggboots · 16/12/2024 11:43

Barney16 · 16/12/2024 07:38

My mother is very unpredictable gifts wise. A couple of years ago she said the best thing about the gifts I bought her were the recyclable gift bags the presents were in. I soldier on because she is my mother and she would be very upset if I didn't get her anything.

But her a big bag of Christmas bags!!!

AskJateace · 16/12/2024 12:51

If it's one I can't stand is an ungrateful and unappreciative person, especially when something is done for them out of the kindness of another person's heart. She doesn't deserve anything so you have the right idea about deciding not to buy her anything. She needs to be taught a lesson here. The lesson is that it's always the thought that counts when it comes to gift giving. She is being spoiled and immature and needs to realize that no one has to get her anything unless they find it in their hearts to do so. Let's see how she feels when she gets nothing, and then you may want to explain why you didn't get her anything and maybe she'll learn to appreciate when someone does something for her. I know this may a little harsh, but it's necessary. Maybe she'll have a change of heart.
Best wishes!!

Emmz1510 · 16/12/2024 13:48

Leave it to your DH completely from now on. Those sound like lovely gifts, especially the hamper (wow) and she’s an ungrateful c**t.

PiperLeo · 16/12/2024 15:00

AnnieCookWriter · 16/12/2024 09:53

Dancing vegetables? 😂OMG that is hilarious! Honestly, you have to see the funny side of that. Otherwise you'd just go mad.😂

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If it wasn't the only gift we would laugh, but these are things she's buying a grown man, even after asking what he would like and it certainly wasn't that.

WendyA22 · 16/12/2024 16:31

OAPapparently · 11/12/2024 16:06

If your MIL is never happy with anything, then absolutely give her nothing.
Or give a donation to charity in her name, that would probably get a reaction. Infact it would be quite funny (and petty!) to deliberately go out of your way to get her crap to moan about and view it in amusing way. I would definitely stop the decent presents that you have been getting her that she’s totally ungrateful for.

Get your daughter to make her a present. Let her moan about that

AnnieCookWriter · 16/12/2024 18:29

PiperLeo · 16/12/2024 15:00

If it wasn't the only gift we would laugh, but these are things she's buying a grown man, even after asking what he would like and it certainly wasn't that.

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I'm so sorry you're having to deal with such an ungrateful cow. I am so thankful every day of my life that I don't have a mother in law. If I did, and she was like yours, I'd be in jail by now. Sending you a hug 💛

MrsWallers · 17/12/2024 11:10

I am laughing out loud at some of the respsonses!
I dont buy any gifts for anyone!
Adult DC's get few chocolates in their 20 year old stockings
Older son has his car insurance paid for
Younger son has been told his only present option is driving lessons!

SharpOpalNewt · 17/12/2024 11:47

WendyA22 · 16/12/2024 16:31

Get your daughter to make her a present. Let her moan about that

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Get her a goat, that would surely get her goat.

https://rippleeffect.org/gifts/glorious-goat/

They also have chickens, little donkeys, trees and calves.

Charity Gift - Glorious Goat

Send a goat charity gift to help a family grow themselves out of poverty. Charity gifts under £50. Alternative virtual gifts for a cause you care about.

https://rippleeffect.org/gifts/glorious-goat

cobden28 · 17/12/2024 16:59

Don't waste your time and money on buying a gift for such an ungrateful person.

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