To not want to get MIL anything for Xmas this year?

[PippaKing]

I know how heartless that sounds but I'm 6 years in with DP and not a Christmas has gone by where she hasn't moaned about what we've bought her...

• Didn't like the fact one year that she hadn't got a gift specifically from her granddaughter (she was 4 at the time)
• Didn't like the joint present we got her & FIL one year. It was a hamper that DP spent over £100 on, with thoughtful food & drinks inside from nice garden centres etc. She said she didn't like joint gifts.
• Bought her Swarovski earrings one year. Made a side comment to DP that 'she would have preferred diamond earrings'
• Bought an experience voucher another year to go for afternoon tea. Told us she didn't like 'experience' gifts
• One year said she didn't want anything, was very adamant, so DP bought her a lovely seasonal bouquet of flowers as a nice gesture. She said the quality of them was terrible, rung up the company and complained about them it in front of us.

I can't even remember the other one but she's never happy...

Didn't the 'dumbo husband' organise the hamper she didn't like? Dumbo reading skills maybe.

No wouldn't waste your time energy or money

I’m reading between the lines darling.

Presents can be difficult, not least because they’re so much more important to some people than to others. My kate Grandmother was just dreadful - one Christmas (after she had skated the presents from her absent children, and had just about managed to be civil about that from my parents) I asked her what she would have been pleased to find under the Christmas tree. After some thought she came up with a mink coat, so it’s the diamond earring syndrome. You will never please such people, but that doesn’t mean you need to sink to their level or ignore them entirely. What I’m hearing from your MIL is that she wants something for her - no experiences, shared presents, nothing intangible. Just get something you hope she might like, and personal to her - a photo of her and DGC in a nice frame, for example - and if she comes back with rudeness, say that perhaps the time has come to stop the Christmas exchange of presents.

I'd leave it up to my partner to get her something. Tell him you're not doing it this year. Give him some notice so he has chance to get her something himself, if he chooses to.

I keep getting a message popping up on Facebook asking me to twin my toilet with somewhere in need of one. Maybe that would be a suitable present? If not, it would be worth it for the look on her face.

Get your partner to ask her what she would like. If she says she wants nothing in particular, ask if she would like a voucher or a donation to a charity. Don't let Xmas cause a breakdown in relationship with her, whatever you think.
She's in your life as long as your partner is. There will always be "in-law" things that annoy you, and a lot more Xmases to come.

My mother is very unpredictable gifts wise. A couple of years ago she said the best thing about the gifts I bought her were the recyclable gift bags the presents were in. I soldier on because she is my mother and she would be very upset if I didn't get her anything.

This is why God made M&S vouchers. John Lewis if you’re feeling fancy.
Ignore any whinging.

My MIL was given this by one of her siblings one Christmas. Deeply deeply unimpressed. "This isn't a gift, I already give to charities of my own choosing" 🙄
OP are you my SIL? 😅 My MIL infamous in my workplace for her Christmas related bad behaviour.

OP what does MIL get you?

Leave it to your partner to sort.

Fuck her! No gift this year!

😂😂😂😂😂

She is weaponising your kindness OP.

Just don't get involved in buying process, leave it to your DP.

My mil is similar, but slightly more subtle with it, and fil just pulls faces. It’s very tiresome. I really couldn’t care less except that it stresses dh and hooks him back into their toxic dynamics.

Gifts in their family are like diplomatic offerings- the bragging rights are more important than the gift. So I make sure mil has all the information she needs to boast to her siblings and neighbours. Words like “limited edition”, “one of a kind”, etc

Bung her 50 quid in a card. That way she can buy her own pressie & only has herself to blame if she doesn't like it! If she bitches about getting money in a card simply tell her that she's never happy with anything you've bought before so you're letting her choose what makes her happy!

Can anyone help me with finding a free mattress or bed please

It's for your DH to sort not you. She's his mother.

Did any of this actually happen, or is it another tedious MIL bashing thread?

She needs to be told. Either you, or your husband, present her with that list. She is probably so used to saying such things, she hardly realises what she is doing now. It's very unpleasant.

I have to say that my mother was often difficult about presents she received, not always but quite a few times. It was very disappointing.

Buy her an M&S voucher and a box or Roses. Job done.

If you are damned if you do, and damned if you don’t…….just don’t.

A bag of humbugs

Brilliant!

People forget that being a gracious recipient is as important as being a good giver.
As she thinks your gifts are bog standard get her this.
https://onlineshop.oxfam.org.uk/bog-standards/product/OU1270RR