AIBU to think views expressed on Mumsnet are at odds with my experiences of the real world?

[RealWorldxo]

I am avoiding quoting specific threads as I know it is against the rules. However, I have seen a number of threads where the OP has been disappointed that certain friends have not shown any interest in their significant life events. Having a baby, buying first house by way of an example. The overwhelming concensus of replies to these type of posts seem to be that you cannot expect anyone apart from immediate family to care about your significant life events. People apparently have their own stuff going on and are crazily busy. To expect any level of interest is entitled, needy and demanding behaviour.
This genuinely surprises me. I would definitely be interested in things going on in my friend's lives as I care about them and want to see them happy. If I didn't, I would only class them as acquaintances. Even if they have stuff going on that I have no experience of, I would still express interest because I know these things are important in their lives.
I can't help wondering if a lot of people on MN would not be very rewarding as friends as they would only engage with topics of conversation are relevant to them?

It would be a long day if you didn't chat at all to work colleagues wouldn't it?

Yes, it's really odd, but I have met some people in real life like that too, just wouldn't choose to socialise with them. It's interesting hearing the more individualistic end of the social/political spectrum, getting an insight into different beliefs, but I remind myself that, thankfully, plenty of people think it's completely normal, sane and nice to help one another out, look after each other's children and care for one another!

I guess it's not easy to tell sometimes if people are just being polite when they express interest in a friend's life events.

MN is the home of virtue signalling, the anxious and bullshitters just like every other forum. @Ellerby83 Forums always attract the socially inept. The fact that a lot of people agreed with her was evidence of that.

This gives me hope.. I thought it was just me thinking this way. Example: Now I am like "yeah right, I don't believe that". "I don't believe that she would divorce her husband just because he loves his golf too much and goes to play every weekend". But would suggest someone online to do it.

I think this says a lot about people’s friendship circles to be honest.

My close friends are VERY interested in and excited for my life events (we’ll except one…) even when it’s things that others would not consider big events (such as gaining a second citizenship or a promotion.)

In fact more so than even my family.

"He doesn't like the way I hang the toilet roll" = DIVORCE!!! Upend your (and your DCs) lives etc..

@RealWorldxo Perhaps you have to accept that people are usually polite to others faces in real life and it gets a tiring, but behind closed doors at home and on MN people can be a bit honest.

Lets face it, you have to tow the line at work with colleagues and go along with the usually vocal minority where everyone smiles and agrees to keep the peace.

Let's face it where do you think the brexit voters and conservative voters are, usually the silent majority who sit next to you in the office, just nodding agreeing with you for a quiet life. Whilst MNs proudly proclaim they have never met them or would associate with them😂

I think at least half the comments are made up lol. Opinions of some are so extreme. While others are definitely ripping it 😂

Agree with all of this, so funny

i think it's best not to know tbh. :D we all do the dance because society functions better that way. it's not in anyone's best interests to be blunt or rude in real life because there are consequences to doing that. You get your own needs met by meeting other people's needs. it's a win/win. we are (mostly) social animals and it's what's worked best for the species up to now.

the anonymity of online interactions just shows you the hidden side of people. the bits of them they don't want anyone they know is part of them. This is quite new information for a lot of people. Before the internet forum became very popular the most you'd get is a bit of two faced gossip. Now you get slapped in the face by how awful humans can be when they think they won't suffer for it.

I think that as long as enough people carry on presenting their real life face most of the time, that's good enough. We don't really need to know everything others think about us.

And most people are pretty ok overall. more good than bad. it's probably better to have somewhere to let out the darker side anonymously. that way it's easier to keep it under control where it matters. Which is when you're standing in front of someone who could punch you in the gob. 😁

Haha I think I know which exact thread inspired your OP! I couldn’t believe the responses either, some threads really do bring out the bitterness in people. It is probably the same people who sneer at adults celebrating birthdays. It’s very sad - there’s enough wrong with the world so surely any chance to celebrate (especially a friends good news) and spread some joy is a good thing?!

I do wonder about the characteristics and social profile of the average MNetter, it would be an interesting study!

I will always love birthdays and Christmas, and congratulate/celebrate friends.

But on the other hand you should cut out friends with no explanation if they don’t always text you back.

Also if you have a couple of drinks on a Friday you have an alcohol problem and nobody is interested in having sex after they’ve achieved it’s functional purpose of producing children.

I don’t know anyone who thinks this way in real life.

There are people posting who have very different outlooks/lifestyles than you? It’s strange to think a website that has people on it from all over the world is only going to reflect the experiences of own circle 🤷‍♀️

I think people gravitate towards people with similar views. I'm very interested in my friends children and visa versa. We don't expect grand gestures on birthdays. We can go long periods of time without talking but are there for each other when needed. We don't consider cutting friends off when they experience difficult times and aren't as fun as usual to be around. I've seen comments on here and found them really odd and the attitudes are like nothing I experienced in real life but I'm guessing these are the type of people I would not feel comfortable enough to build a relationship with so would never really know their views.

@Wheredidileavemycarkeys
I knew someone would throw this at me 🤣

Yes, I think so. Certainly I find some of the posters here very strange indeed.

Very few forums,including this one, relate to much in real life. It’s entertainment, nothing more. 🤷‍♀️

My guess is that many of the people who spend a lot of time on here do so because they find interactions with real people difficult or awkward and prefer not to see people in real life much. Also some rigid/literal thinking that goes on. No, you're not ENTITLED to have your healthy, retired MIL babysit her grandchildren occasionally. You can't legally force her to do it. But yes, it is weird that she doesn't want to help when she could.

I don't agree with this because I don't think Mumsnet is representative of real life. The users are predominantly white, middle aged, middle class mothers who live in the South East. So yes it probably tells you what this cohort really think under their real-life exterior but it's not the full range of personalities and experiences, no way.

Whenever I see brutal, bitchy, forthright, righteous comments...I always like to think that the poster wouldn't have the balls to say that in real life and be so callous. I live in hope! I think people are 'braver' on anonymous forums and say what they dare not say in RL. Which means there's probably a lot of fake friends floating around!

There are a lot of mners who are not all of those things, including me.

But it's not just mumsnet is it? Look for example at reddit.

Nobody can accuse reddit of being populated by white middle class mums from se England. It's literally global. And no different to what you see here.

I maintain that you see the truth of people when you read their anonymous views.

It’s true though

Yes indeed! Funnily enough, in real life people often say if so and so's got a problem with me, they should say it to my face. I often think that it's probably much the best if they don't! Probably not a good idea to know what people are really thinking at times 😁

@CookieMonster28 · Today 17:20

Whenever I see brutal, bitchy, forthright, righteous comments...I always like to think that the poster wouldn't have the balls to say that in real life and be so callous

Yeah, the majority of posters would NEVER say nasty stuff in real life.