To be offended

[Accbabymom1994]

I am so upset and angry , I don't understand why men think they are some kind of gods , and especially my husband doesn't think what he is . He sent me this and I'm so upset about it, do you think he meant it as a joke and I've taken it to heart?

Most of us don't get offended by everything. Many of us hardly ever feel offended.

If you don't think this joke is offensive though, there's something wrong with you.

I don’t think you’re the pleasant person you think you are…

Could he mean you're "one of the good ones"?, or more like, he didn't think, just thought it was funny, and sent it to you to "appreciate". No actual further thought was involved. I think alot of men are the latter... they. just. don't. think.

Women, in contrast, have very much more complicated thoughts.

It is of course a tasteless joke. not sure i'll go much more than ugh, that's wrong. but that's why people think it's funny - because it's wrong. I think if you're v offended it's more to do with the relationship in general, not just this.

People need to be careful when making dark jokes. They really need to know their audience. DH and I are both autistic and I have ADHD on top of it. We do make/send "inappropriate" jokes to each other and find them funny because we are secure and comfortable in ourselves and our relationship. If we weren't, it would feel personal or an attack for sure.

I can only assume your DH is not fully aware of your feelings about your relationship and him. I don't know why you think he is making a dig at you though when you aren't even disabled. Isn't it more likely that he just shared a dark joke with you but misjudged his audience?

This. I thought it was funny and I'm completely disabled. Probably have a low bar though. As it's no where near as offensive as most things we send each other. I also can't type what we called our latest Christmas gonks 😂

What did they say it's been deleted lol

it just makes you want to know more doesn't it 😂

Haha yes

Nothing about you. Just heavily insulting me for having a different viewpoint on the intention of your partners ‘joke’.

Yes, that's how I'd read it too. He wants you to know he thinks he's had to 'settle' for you.

It's a terrible 'joke'.

On the other hand, is silent treatment appropriate? Ever?

Very rude and offensive.

And not funny.

My DH occasionally sends me 'jokes' that one of his mates has sent him, and they are sometimes a bit 'near the knuckle' and borderline offensive. He is fucking howling at these 'jokes' sometimes - and I'm like 😐

They are never funny. And sometimes rude and offensive.

It's men. (Some men!) They find offensive stuff funny. I don't.

It's stupid, it's not funny, and it doesn't make sense. If my husband sent me that I would think he was having a stroke or something.

🤣🤣🤣😂

They may be able to sort the behavior he displays toward you and his own son, but the fact remains is that he still hold these believes, otherwise he would have never found it funny or even think of sending you something so hurtful.

I think you are now just beginning to see who he really is.

It's not a joke, a joke is a play on words with a punchline. This is tripe and offensive to anyone with a disability. He's an idiot. Hope you can find a grown up for your next relationship

That is totally out of order and I would speak to him about that in no uncertain terms. How disrespectful.

He sounds utterly horrendous. I'm so sorry. xx

If he complains that you are being over-sensitive then how does it help to refuse to answer his calls? That is encouraging him to think of you as petulant and I'd have thought that would only encourage this idea that you are over-sensitive. How do you know his family are going to put your side rather than just not getting involved, or agreeing with him that you are being over-sensitive? (btw I don't think you are at all.)

I would suggest you read up on Transactional Analysis. If your background were white british I'd tell you there seems to be a lot of parent-child power dynamic here and you'd get on much better if you worked to move that more towards an adult-adult dynamic. But since I don't know much about your family and culture, I'll just say take a look and see if there's anything you can take from it.

How would he react to a "joke" about men who are unable to satisfy their wives sexually?

Would you be offended if it was racist rather than ableist?

I'm a disabled wheelchair user and I just sent it to my husband. He said it makes no sense as the disabled spaces are the best ones and that's why he married me 😁

I'm sure he meant it as a joke, a hilarious play on words in no way intended to offend you.
But it is a nasty, misogynistic, ableist joke and I hope you told him so and explained why.

Please don't ignore him, OP. He knows he's fucked up and he wants to talk to you. Now is the time to tell him why it's offensive both to women (eg you) and to disabled people (eg your son) to belittle them like this, implying that men deserve the 'best' of everything but may have to put up with sub-standard 'things' sometimes.
Some people really don't get this and think anything intended as a joke is above reproach, but it is possible to help them get their heads round it, with a bit of patience.