in thinking DHs friend is plain rude regarding birthday invite?

[sweetkitty]

DHs best friend has a big birthday coming up, a few months ago he texted me inviting DH and I to a lunch to celebrate, asked if I could make it/save the date kind of thing. I said that would be great he said he would book the restaurant. It’s in a few weeks time.

So fast forward to a week ago and DH says oh btw you’re not invited to best friends lunch it’s just very close family and me now. I said well that’s very rude inviting me then not inviting me. DH got all defensive said take it up with best friend etc.

Now I know best friend can invite who he wants I have zero issues with that, what I do have issues with is inviting someone then I’m inviting them but not actually telling them yourself. I think it’s rude. It’s not a financial thing as best friend is very well-off.

Am wondering should I text best friend back and say innocently “have I still to save the date, I have a big thing planned for the night before anyway so may be “delicate?”

So AIBU or is best friend a bit rude?

YAJBU. Don’t invite his friend again. If you do invite him for dinner etc, I’d stop that. If DH wants him around, he can host him.

He sounds depressed and self involved and therefore probably unintentionally rude op.
Meh. Move on. He's not going to change.

All these people saying your DH should "push back" sound equally rude tbh.

He’s a knob .

Really? Because he's reduced a gathering for his own birthday and said he’s really struggling this time of year.
No wonder men don't typically open up about mental health issues.

Who said it’s a mental health issue ? And if he struggles “this time of year “ as not just at this time only , why bother inviting in the first place if he knew . Of course it’s up to him who chooses to go out with but if he’s struggling that much then why bother go out at all? He was rude to exclude an invitation to someone but keep it open for the other half .

Id be more annoyed at my DH's response to it. I might still feel like the best friend is rude but the fact my DH is so nonchalant and is not bothered that he has behaved this way towards you ... His DW I find weird. You got my back as a team or you don't ...

DH has said to take it up with his BF, so I'd do just that, find out why but perhaps by asking if everything is OK, as the plan has changed.

Do you think your DH and best friend conspired together? Maybe they thought you'd kick up a fuss with your DH going out drinking or celebrating without you and that was the way to get around it?

😂😂😂

She did. Days ago.

Close family?
You're married - cant get much closer.

Deal with this yourself directly and back out. Don't involve DH in any way. Make sure the invitation had genuine details in first place, that it is what it says it is!

My DH wouldn't attend if I was invited first and then uninvited so tbh, the friend uninviting me won't be the issue but my DH's response will be the issue still attending and passing on the message to you.

Why'd he text you to invite you both rather than his best pal, your husband? All very odd. Anyway I'd be absolutely delighted to be uninvited from my husband's pal's whatever - not having to make conversation with all his pals and time to yourself. Bliss

I think he was using op as his pa because he knew she would chk the date and put it in the calendar.
Once she’d organised her dh the bf dropped her.