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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu going to church so my child goes to a Catholic school

133 replies

ThatEdgyBlueScroller · 09/12/2024 23:06

I was raised a Catholic and found mass boring. School was high achieving but to be honest religious education wasn't that well respected by students.

I wish I could attend a church that could give my child and I a community... I just don't believe in the teachings, but morally I agree with some teachings.

Would I be unreasonable to attend church and get my child baptized/christned etc just to guarantee a school place?

OP posts:
SuperfluousHen · 09/12/2024 23:28

There’s a word for this … 🤔
oh yes - hypocrite.

Original poster
ThatEdgyBlueScroller · 09/12/2024 23:30

sprigatito · 09/12/2024 23:27

I think you've misread my post, I thought I was quite clear that I personally would not choose a faith school for my children. I would not want them within 100 yards of faith-based teaching and indoctrination.

I maintain, however, that in a civilised society children should have equal and unprejudiced access to the schools paid for by their parents' taxes. Discrimination on the grounds of religion has no rightful place in a publicly funded state education system. The exception made for looked-after children is a red herring, and you know it.

You've just shown why religious schools should be able to pick who they have in their school.... You clearly don't want your child to have a religious education so why should you get a place over another family who does?

Why would you send your child to a religious school, which is for the teaching of that religion in that community?

Therefore why shouldn't schools be able to pick based on religious willingness?

Seems absolutely bizarre.

This isn't cancer treatment..

Plus 15% less funding...

OP posts:
Original poster
ThatEdgyBlueScroller · 09/12/2024 23:31

SuperfluousHen · 09/12/2024 23:28

There’s a word for this … 🤔
oh yes - hypocrite.

Based on what? I'm not another religion and cos playing...

OP posts:
GrumpyInsomniac · 09/12/2024 23:32

If it’s still the same as it was when DS started primary, religious state primaries had to take 20% of their intake outside their faith.

I’m lapsed CofE and he got the place because he wasn’t technically catholic but still baptised, so met that requirement. So it’s worth checking with the individual schools whether this is a constraint, as ours was oversubscribed by catholics. It sounded mad but it worked in our favour.

Original poster
ThatEdgyBlueScroller · 09/12/2024 23:33

MumChp · 09/12/2024 23:27

Not all churches/schools work the same way in admission.

Quite many Church of England schools ask for a letter from the parish vicar stating you are a regular church going family.

Show quote history

I'm not CoE and the council have to permit schools selection criteria.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThatEdgyBlueScroller · 09/12/2024 23:33

GrumpyInsomniac · 09/12/2024 23:32

If it’s still the same as it was when DS started primary, religious state primaries had to take 20% of their intake outside their faith.

I’m lapsed CofE and he got the place because he wasn’t technically catholic but still baptised, so met that requirement. So it’s worth checking with the individual schools whether this is a constraint, as ours was oversubscribed by catholics. It sounded mad but it worked in our favour.

Not on the selection criteria so Im not sure. Was it an academy?

OP posts:
Original poster
ThatEdgyBlueScroller · 09/12/2024 23:37

Omg 50%!!!! That's crazy.

Imagine going to another country And saying they ended to reduce the number of their admissions of their own faith to their own school..... Bonkers

OP posts:
Elizo · 09/12/2024 23:37

ThatEdgyBlueScroller · 09/12/2024 23:06

I was raised a Catholic and found mass boring. School was high achieving but to be honest religious education wasn't that well respected by students.

I wish I could attend a church that could give my child and I a community... I just don't believe in the teachings, but morally I agree with some teachings.

Would I be unreasonable to attend church and get my child baptized/christned etc just to guarantee a school place?

Yes you are being immoral and selfish.

Cableknitdreams · 09/12/2024 23:38

When we went to our local CofE church for the school place, it turned out at least a third of the congregation were atheists or agnostics there for the school place.

It was a lovely community and nobody minded what religion or not anyone was.

Original poster
ThatEdgyBlueScroller · 09/12/2024 23:38

Elizo · 09/12/2024 23:37

Yes you are being immoral and selfish.

Show quote history

Immoral?

If my child decides to follow the religion, that's his choice.

Not like I'm taking him to the mosque or synagogue or to temple on the weekend....

OP posts:
GrumpyInsomniac · 09/12/2024 23:39

ThatEdgyBlueScroller · 09/12/2024 23:33

Not on the selection criteria so Im not sure. Was it an academy?

Show quote history

No. Just a common or garden state primary in Tower Hamlets. TBH, I only found out because I queried whether they would take non-Catholics, and that’s when they told me about the 20% thing and how a high church CofE background sounded ideal (from their perspective!)

SuperfluousHen · 09/12/2024 23:39

ThatEdgyBlueScroller · 09/12/2024 23:31

Based on what? I'm not another religion and cos playing...

Show quote history

You’re pretending. Playacting.
That’s what hypocrisy means.
putting on a mask, a show.
not being real.

as you said yourself
“.. I just don't believe in the teachings”

and if you were being real you wouldn’t be asking this question -

“Would I be unreasonable to attend church and get my child baptized/christned etc just to guarantee a school place?”

Come on, OP, be honest. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Elizo · 09/12/2024 23:45

ThatEdgyBlueScroller · 09/12/2024 23:38

Immoral?

If my child decides to follow the religion, that's his choice.

Not like I'm taking him to the mosque or synagogue or to temple on the weekend....

Show quote history

It’s immoral because you are cheating the system to get a place, pushing your child to the front of the queue on false pretences. Everyone does it is a weak justificación.

My DS desperate to get to a Catholic Sixth form. I would not pretend to be a practicing Catholic to get in. It’s not right. If he doesn’t get in we’ll suck it up and make the best of what he does get.

Elizo · 09/12/2024 23:46

SuperfluousHen · 09/12/2024 23:39

You’re pretending. Playacting.
That’s what hypocrisy means.
putting on a mask, a show.
not being real.

as you said yourself
“.. I just don't believe in the teachings”

and if you were being real you wouldn’t be asking this question -

“Would I be unreasonable to attend church and get my child baptized/christned etc just to guarantee a school place?”

Come on, OP, be honest. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Show quote history

Exactly this.

Original poster
ThatEdgyBlueScroller · 09/12/2024 23:48

Elizo · 09/12/2024 23:45

It’s immoral because you are cheating the system to get a place, pushing your child to the front of the queue on false pretences. Everyone does it is a weak justificación.

My DS desperate to get to a Catholic Sixth form. I would not pretend to be a practicing Catholic to get in. It’s not right. If he doesn’t get in we’ll suck it up and make the best of what he does get.

Show quote history

How am I cheating the system? Anyone can go to church and get a baptism certificate.... Just like anyone can believe in the religion, or not.

You are forgetting I went to a Catholic school as my parents believed in the religion.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThatEdgyBlueScroller · 09/12/2024 23:49

Elizo · 09/12/2024 23:46

Exactly this.

Show quote history

Do you believe Jesus fed the 5000 on a loaf of bread and parted the red sea, that Mary was a virgin? No. Neither do most Catholics. So no I don't believe those teachings are factual.

I do however believe in the 10 commandments and anti abortion

OP posts:
Original poster
ThatEdgyBlueScroller · 09/12/2024 23:49

All at all the jealous people

OP posts:
sprigatito · 09/12/2024 23:50

Good grief, it wasn't Jesus who parted the Red Sea !

Corknights77 · 09/12/2024 23:51

Catholic here op. You're fine. Most Roman Catholics of any intelligence are holding on by their finger nails. The RC church may be inspired by God but it's a failing institution run by failing human beings. Some of the Pope's encyclicals are stunning, enlightening guides to life, but by the time they have reached the ordinary parish church much of the nuance has been removed. Fifty per cent of the congregation don't believe in many of the church's teachings. We are there for the social justice aspects of the religion. (But we apply them to gay people too). If you believe in some of the church's teachings op, then you are the same as the rest of us. Imperfect people trying to do better with various degrees of success. Welcome!

Thunderpants88 · 09/12/2024 23:52

Kibble29 · 09/12/2024 23:18

This reminds me of a Julia in Motherland wanting to get her daughter into a Catholic school and when she’s praying in front of the nun. “Spiritus, Sanctus, candidus, Agnes Deyn”.

EXACTLY what I thought when I read i
check it out OP it is on Netflix and hilarious

Elizo · 09/12/2024 23:57

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

bagginsatbagend · 09/12/2024 23:58

ThatEdgyBlueScroller · 09/12/2024 23:49

Do you believe Jesus fed the 5000 on a loaf of bread and parted the red sea, that Mary was a virgin? No. Neither do most Catholics. So no I don't believe those teachings are factual.

I do however believe in the 10 commandments and anti abortion

Show quote history

You think Jesus parted the Red Sea? I think you need to go to church yourself & not just for the school place…

DrFosterWentToGloucester23 · 09/12/2024 23:59

I teach in a Catholic school. It is very much a school that provides a Catholic education and not a school for Catholics. Of course children from all faiths and none are welcome (and staff) otherwise - to quote the head of the trust - we’d be a cult! FYI, I’m not Catholic and nobody cares.

However, I still don’t think you should lie to bump your child up the queue.

Original poster
ThatEdgyBlueScroller · 10/12/2024 00:00

Corknights77 · 09/12/2024 23:51

Catholic here op. You're fine. Most Roman Catholics of any intelligence are holding on by their finger nails. The RC church may be inspired by God but it's a failing institution run by failing human beings. Some of the Pope's encyclicals are stunning, enlightening guides to life, but by the time they have reached the ordinary parish church much of the nuance has been removed. Fifty per cent of the congregation don't believe in many of the church's teachings. We are there for the social justice aspects of the religion. (But we apply them to gay people too). If you believe in some of the church's teachings op, then you are the same as the rest of us. Imperfect people trying to do better with various degrees of success. Welcome!

Edited

Thank you!

OP posts:
Original poster
ThatEdgyBlueScroller · 10/12/2024 00:02

DrFosterWentToGloucester23 · 09/12/2024 23:59

I teach in a Catholic school. It is very much a school that provides a Catholic education and not a school for Catholics. Of course children from all faiths and none are welcome (and staff) otherwise - to quote the head of the trust - we’d be a cult! FYI, I’m not Catholic and nobody cares.

However, I still don’t think you should lie to bump your child up the queue.

If you aren't Catholic why would you want a Catholic education....

So just like the non Catholic send their children for the high grades, so would I, but just a bit more history and believe ability

OP posts: