Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Disappointing birthday, AIBU?

89 replies

Oldcrockpot · 09/12/2024 16:47

Feeling very sad, it was my birthday yesterday (a big one) and I had fleece from my parents which is the same as a million others I have, husband got a nice necklace but I have wanted a very specific and personal meaning one for well over a year and have asked for it for my birthday, even sent him the links etc well in advance. The one I have is nice but very run of the mill and from the local jewellery shop which means he probably got it that day. I got a jumper from MIL, which again is nice but nothing special. I feel very un-special right now. The kids made me a nice card which was cute though.

(adding that the family is well off so nothing to do with finances that the presents are not super extravagant)

I still did all the household chores, even the ones I asked DH to do he didn’t. Had a freezer batch cook meal for tea. No surprise in that department either. Then folded laundry and went to bed. Today one colleague who I hardly see anymore said happy birthday, nothing from my boss or team.

AIBU and a princess to feel really really sad and unappreciated? Or is this what to expect in middle age?

OP posts:
AuntieLemonade · 13/12/2024 21:39

Maray1967 · 13/12/2024 20:35

Dear God - why didn’t you tell him where to stick it?

Show quote history

100%
oh the ick… shudders

Teacherprebaby · 13/12/2024 21:41

MintShaker · 09/12/2024 18:08

I never get birthday or Christmas gifts from my husband children parents or anyone in fact. I always put a lot of thought and effort into buying for them and that's the way it should be. I cannot for the life of me understand why adults get so precious, demanding and downright entitled about wanting presents, it makes zero sense, it's better to give to other people than to sit like a pampered Prince or princess and wait for others spending their time, effort and money.

You're completely wrong. You deserve better.

Teacherprebaby · 13/12/2024 21:42

Oldcrockpot · 09/12/2024 20:00

I pulled him up. He says it’s not very nice that I had a go at him and he ‘forgot’ (asked multiple times and he said yes) - this is for stuff he just should do anyway to be honest, like loading the dishwasher. Not a special ‘job’ id assigned because it was my birthday

100% possibly a bigger issue than just on your birthday.

Conquererofallchallenges · 13/12/2024 21:45

@Bachboo I have just told my dh that he is going shopping next weekend for both my birthday cake and a surprise for me... his face was a picture.

Thank you for feeling the same as I did.

Kateof · 13/12/2024 21:47

@DowntonFlabbie
I've read your other posts and you are so judgeMENTAL

Jealous? Of you Grin

TeenLifeMum · 13/12/2024 21:51

No birthdays aren’t for children and men don’t need fucking lists to remind them that it would be nice to make their wife feel loved. This is such a depressing thread.

Sometimes dh surprises me, sometimes we chat about what we want to do in our birthdays but always raised by the other. Eg. I would say: “I was thinking about your birthday and had a couple of ideas maybe A or B, do you have a preference or anything else you’d like to do?” it means we get wear we want while we’re not having to be the instigator.

op says it’s a big birthday - so every 10 years he has to put in some effort and people think op is unreasonable? There are low expectations of how you want to spend your lifetime being treated.

TeenLifeMum · 13/12/2024 21:55

@MintShaker i buy my cleaner a gift plus a tip. Your own family give you less thought than I give my cleaner, and you’re okay with that? Raise your bar.

Bachboo · 13/12/2024 22:15

Conquererofallchallenges · 13/12/2024 21:45

@Bachboo I have just told my dh that he is going shopping next weekend for both my birthday cake and a surprise for me... his face was a picture.

Thank you for feeling the same as I did.

Good Girl!!!!!! Now stick too it!

Bakequeen · 14/12/2024 10:34

Go and do something nice for yourself this weekend. Announce that you are not cooking. Head to town for lunch, meet up with a friend and treat yourself to the nice bracelet. Return the DH present if you want. Get your hair done whatever. Treat yourself like a princess.

Theoldbird · 14/12/2024 10:45

MintShaker · 09/12/2024 18:08

I never get birthday or Christmas gifts from my husband children parents or anyone in fact. I always put a lot of thought and effort into buying for them and that's the way it should be. I cannot for the life of me understand why adults get so precious, demanding and downright entitled about wanting presents, it makes zero sense, it's better to give to other people than to sit like a pampered Prince or princess and wait for others spending their time, effort and money.

That's brilliant you that you don't mind others putting zero effort in for your birthday 👏

The op does mind though, as is her right

@MintShaker Why do you make so much effort for others? because you care about them. Op just wants to be shown that others care for her. It's amazing that someone so lacking in empathy as you displayed here, makes so much effort for others, I find that hard to believe.

Funkyslippers · 14/12/2024 11:59

Theoldbird · 14/12/2024 10:45

That's brilliant you that you don't mind others putting zero effort in for your birthday 👏

The op does mind though, as is her right

@MintShaker Why do you make so much effort for others? because you care about them. Op just wants to be shown that others care for her. It's amazing that someone so lacking in empathy as you displayed here, makes so much effort for others, I find that hard to believe.

Show quote history

This

@MintShaker

Yet you're putting so much effort into your adult OH's birthday. Why? Double standards

YourTurnForTheTree · 14/12/2024 14:11

Snkt · 13/12/2024 18:40

I think it’s a mentality thing. My birthday falls on the 30th December and I’ve learned over the years to expect little because so much is happening around that time.

I come from a wealthy family. My husband and I are well off. However let me tell you this - it doesn’t matter what the gifts are. I never once cared; 1) no expectations no disappointments 2) it’s the thought that matters.

it would have definitely been nice for your partner to make a nice breakfast or dinner. But honestly birthdays are not that big of a deal. You are blessed with loved ones around you, comfortable finances, a roof over your head.

I also always try to remember that what I am complaining about now is what I used to dream of a few years ago :)

If a loved one had a Xmas/NY birthday, I would go out of my way to make it extra special for them. My brother’s wife has a Xmas birthday and he makes it lovely for her. People’s bars are so low.

YourTurnForTheTree · 14/12/2024 14:13

Kateof · 13/12/2024 21:47

@DowntonFlabbie
I've read your other posts and you are so judgeMENTAL

Jealous? Of you Grin

She has high standards for herself and is not a martyr. What’s wrong with that? I think those of us with healthy relationships expected to be treated well, and we are. And we treat those around us well too.

Snkt · 17/12/2024 22:44

My husband goes above and beyond when I said I expect little meaning I can’t have a big dinner or party because us and our friends are expats and most people are away so we celebrate me around Christmas or in the new year. Relax ☺️

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread