Disappointing birthday, AIBU?

[Oldcrockpot]

Feeling very sad, it was my birthday yesterday (a big one) and I had fleece from my parents which is the same as a million others I have, husband got a nice necklace but I have wanted a very specific and personal meaning one for well over a year and have asked for it for my birthday, even sent him the links etc well in advance. The one I have is nice but very run of the mill and from the local jewellery shop which means he probably got it that day. I got a jumper from MIL, which again is nice but nothing special. I feel very un-special right now. The kids made me a nice card which was cute though.

(adding that the family is well off so nothing to do with finances that the presents are not super extravagant)

I still did all the household chores, even the ones I asked DH to do he didn’t. Had a freezer batch cook meal for tea. No surprise in that department either. Then folded laundry and went to bed. Today one colleague who I hardly see anymore said happy birthday, nothing from my boss or team.

AIBU and a princess to feel really really sad and unappreciated? Or is this what to expect in middle age?

Sorry to hear this OP. I posted about my crappy birthday last summer while sitting in Costa on my own. I went in to work 2 days before (Fri) & a colleague's birthday was the day before mine & we were chatting about it. Suddenly everyone started singing happy birthday. I started to blush as I thought they were singing to both of us, but no, just her, gave her a card infront of me & absolutely nothing for me, no mention of it on the group chat & not a single FB message from anyone. I reckon (hope) the birthday notifications were down that day 🤔. Do something nice for yourself. The day is still young

No. I'm just shocked by the attitudes on display by so-called adults.

"It took me a few years to get DH into shape for my birthday, partly because I don’t think he would notice his own if I didn’t make a big deal of it. Now he starts planning before I would expect him to."

Poor guy.

Do you like him much? I don’t give a fig about birthday presents as being with my funny, kind, caring husband pretty much every day is better than a once a year present. Birthday sex should be the same as any other sex, consensual and pleasurable. I am not sure what you want here, pity or to be told that you and he are incompatible? Are you generally quite needy and miserable or is it that your life is not good and getting worse?

YABU for not making your wishes known. Or, even better, arranging what it is you want to do.
Personally, I like a party for a big birthday, so, every decade, I arrange it, and therefore I have a great time.
Other years I say
"For my birthday, I want to go out for the day"
or
"For my birthday, I'm going out for afternoon tea with my pals"
or
"For my birthday, I fancy a nice Italian meal - which day shall we go?"

I cannot understand people who want to celebrate a birthday, not actually having a conversation with their nearest and dearest, to make arrangement to do whatever makes you happy, but, instead, just not saying anything and having a dull, or even miserable day. It's bizarre.

This.

I'm sorry, but the fact someone got off there arse and got me something, I'd be grateful. If I really wanted a break from housework/cooking i would just do it, if stuff needed doing, he'd just have to deal with it. If I wanted something as specific as a particular necklace and it was that important to me. I would sort it myself.

Everyone has different expectations, wishes, and they could easily be misconstrued, got wrong or missed altogether if passed to someone else to sort out.

I have stopped expecting so much of orhers and, honestly, I feel much more chilled about stuff.

You haven't been completely forgotten about its just not met your expectations. You can either have that constant battle, relax your expectations a bit or take control of it more and spoon feed them or just sort it yourself.

I think it’s a mentality thing. My birthday falls on the 30th December and I’ve learned over the years to expect little because so much is happening around that time.

I come from a wealthy family. My husband and I are well off. However let me tell you this - it doesn’t matter what the gifts are. I never once cared; 1) no expectations no disappointments 2) it’s the thought that matters.

it would have definitely been nice for your partner to make a nice breakfast or dinner. But honestly birthdays are not that big of a deal. You are blessed with loved ones around you, comfortable finances, a roof over your head.

I also always try to remember that what I am complaining about now is what I used to dream of a few years ago :)

Look, just because you have an incredibly low bar and expect to have nothing nice in life, that doesn't mean the rest of us have to be beaten down drudges too. We don't have to be grateful for crumbs.
It's sad for you that you have no self worth but don't advise others to give up.on theirs.

Did you actually want the sex?

Did you let him know how you felt about today?

Oh give it a rest

It doesn't hurt to show someone they matter

Whenever this happened to me I bought myself some very nice jewellery! Have a fair bit now!

Birthday or not, stop doing chores that you've asked someone else to do. Just leave them.
For your birthday - if were that disappointed with my day, I'd announce to the family be that I'm having a birthday celebration on such-a-date (eg a Saturday) and that we're going for dinner at X. And that I expect DH to book it and drive me there. Ask him about the necklace, if the explanation doesn't suit take it back and order the one you want.
Don't have sex on any day if you don't feel like it. That's just a given.
Happy big birthday 🎂

Use your words? Don't do the chores you asked him to do?

Dear God - why didn’t you tell him where to stick it?

It’s not poor guy at all!

your post is unbelievable, unkind with a bullying undertone. Just because your other half can’t be bothered to get you anything does not make the OP unreasonable. It’s about care and consideration and a way to say thank you and I notice you to your partner.

Why should you stop expecting much from other? It seems to me that women bend over backwards to get the perfect present for their partner /parent and then be expected not to mind when it is not reciprocated? Bollocks to that.

This.

I could not love this post more.

Return the necklace and exchange it for the one you want.

Next year -

'Can you get me xyz fir my birthday please' (with link)

Order a takeaway/book a meal

Have flowers delivered

Say 'I'm getting up late in the morning you need to get up with the kids'

Don't do any chores

I feel for you here OP.
My birthday is always overlooked and always has been even as a kid - joys of being a Christmas day baby 🙄.
My dh used to be really thoughtful but since we got married it has all changed. He gives me a small amount of money to buy what I want, but I would really love a surprise - he just doesn't want to surprise me. Whatever I do pick out is just wrapped into 1 parcel so not even the excitement of unwrapping multiple presents, or separated into Christmas and birthday. Last year was a big birthday and it was entirely forgotten (despite many conversations previously) which was especially hurtful as I make a fuss of both dh and the kids.
I have no energy for it this year but next year I am going to buy little things for myself and wrap them and put them away until Christmas. I am also going low effort on dh for both his Christmas and birthday... I might even 'forget' his birthday cake... like mine always is unless I buy it. Oh and my next big birthday will be a trip away... I have 9 years to save for it, and if he continues with his a-hole ways it will be a solo trip 😁

Yo need to tell your husband he needs to step up or you won’t bother with his birthday going forward. You are worth far more than this crap. I’m infuriated for you.

@DowntonFlabbie

Get back under your bridge, you are so nasty.

There nothing vaguely nasty about my post. Sorry if you're so jealous you're blinded and can't read it though 🤷‍♀️

I would forget everything about the housework for the next week. Don’t let him get mad at you because you dare have feelings. What’s for dinner? You:dinner? Oh I forgot. Maybe there’s something in the freezer, if it’s good enough for my birthday it’s good enough for a Thursday.

where’s the washing? ‘I forgot it’
forgetting basic tasks is a shitty thing to do on a normal day, they need doing so what he means is you fucking do all that boring shit.

Better still, get on a plane. Solo.