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Original poster

Can a relationship be the same after cheating?

75 replies

Auntiegg · 09/12/2024 15:37

Can a relationship ever be the same after one of you cheats?
My partner cheated with a woman and I'm so stupid, he would come home and speak about her all the time, I even said one night, I don't actually want to hear you talk about her anymore, they had sex in our bed when I was away with the children and I even FaceTimed him and she must of been there, he just went into another room and I was pregnant at the time.
I don't know what I feel yet, I don't think it's even sunk in.

OP posts:
PinkyFlamingo · 09/12/2024 15:38

I don't think so. Once the trust is gone it's gone.

28andgreat · 09/12/2024 15:38

In general - yes.

In your situation - run. What a piece of actual scum.

Hatty65 · 09/12/2024 15:40

No.

He's shit all over it. You can't clean it up and pretend it didn't happen.

Purplecatshopaholic · 09/12/2024 15:40

Not generally, no. And in your case definitely NO. What a piece of shit he is.

Onlycoffee · 09/12/2024 15:41

This is so awful, I'm so sorry op. No I don't think a relationship can ever be the same.

Gowlett · 09/12/2024 15:45

I would end my marriage if my husband cheated.
I’ve also dated a married man, it’s a very bad idea!

I’ve dated players, but I wasn’t married to them.
Is your husband still involved with this woman?

MrTiddlesTheCat · 09/12/2024 15:45

I think it depends on the details of the betrayal and the attitude of the betrayer. Your circumstances sound like ones there's no coming back from.

irregularegular · 09/12/2024 15:47

In general, it is possible to have a good relationship after one partner has had an affair I think. My father cheated in his mid 40s (they had been together since 18, started family in mid 20s) and my parents stayed together until my mother died in her mid 60s. They seemed very happy. It was noticeable that they spent more time together, tried to find more shared interests, did more weekends away etc.

But that doesn't mean it's always possible, by any means.

arcticpandas · 09/12/2024 15:48

It's different for everyone. Personally I couldn't stay with that person even if I would be able to forgive. When the trust and mutual respect us gone, what is left of the relationship?

ChicBee · 09/12/2024 15:59

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Auntiegg · 09/12/2024 16:01

The woman is 12 years older and completely different looks wise to me, apparently they were messaging for nearly a year but only had sex 3/4 times, once being in my house and bed. I don't know her, he is obviously apologetic now he has been caught, it's ruined the newborn phase for me as I had to try and deal with that. I go from
Angry, numb, upset, don't care and hating him daily. We're only young and (late 20's) have 3 children, I don't think I could even come close to coping financially on my own even with child support.

OP posts:
28andgreat · 09/12/2024 16:14

Auntiegg · 09/12/2024 16:01

The woman is 12 years older and completely different looks wise to me, apparently they were messaging for nearly a year but only had sex 3/4 times, once being in my house and bed. I don't know her, he is obviously apologetic now he has been caught, it's ruined the newborn phase for me as I had to try and deal with that. I go from
Angry, numb, upset, don't care and hating him daily. We're only young and (late 20's) have 3 children, I don't think I could even come close to coping financially on my own even with child support.

I can promise you now that being on your own no matter the struggle, will be better than facing a man everyday that shagged another women IN YOUR BED, then proceeded to facetime you from your house WITH A NAKED WOMAN IN YOUR BED whilst pregnant with his child.

Honestly OP, that really is the lowest of the low. The level of disrespect is unbelievable.

Tink3rbell30 · 09/12/2024 16:17

No definitely not.

Decapitatedsausage · 09/12/2024 16:25

I stayed with my husband after his emotional affair, but the last few years have been brutal and have taken a LOT of work and effort. I hope we stay together and he can continue to put the effort in, but I’m under no illusions this may not happen and I am okay with that. However, in your shoes I don’t think there is any way I could stay and you should protect yourself and your children and leave. The length of time it went on for, the fact you were pregnant, the fact he brought her into your space and your bed. It shows such an utter disregard for your feelings and a huge lack of respect for you. You can’t trust him, and you deserve so much more.

Purplecatshopaholic · 09/12/2024 16:29

If you forgive him for this op, he’ll do it again just hide it better next time..

DustyLee123 · 09/12/2024 16:30

No, it will never be the same.

WhereIsMyLight · 09/12/2024 16:33

I don’t think relationships can be the same after an affair. I think, with time and effort from both partners, they can be strong again but not the same as they were before. Both of you moving through the process is going to change you and your relationship.

Working at it is going to take time and commitment from both of you. I don’t know if not coping financially and getting caught (he didn’t tell you upfront) is going to be a big enough commitment from both of you to get to a point where it’s good again.

PiastriThePastry · 09/12/2024 16:34

There is nothing you can do to make this relationship happy, healthy or fulfilling. His behaviour is simply too appalling.

Original poster
Auntiegg · 09/12/2024 16:36

The reason I'm struggling is because I don't really know how I feel about it, obviously angry and upset but other than that a bit numb. I really thought we were strong and happy and he says he was happy but acted stupidly I don't know what to think

OP posts:
Jagoda · 09/12/2024 16:37

That’s a truly disgusting betrayal. Please don’t stay with this pig just because you feel trapped.

You say partner, so I am assuming you are not married? What’s your housing situation and do you work?

Do you have support from friends or family?

As well as child maintenance, you might get UC.

He has treated you like shit. He doesn’t deserve you.

KimberleyClark · 09/12/2024 16:40

I could not stay with a man who had fucked another woman in our bed and still expected me to sleep in it, no.

StormingNorman · 09/12/2024 16:42

I couldn’t recover from that. They were texting for a year - he was thinking about another woman while you were TTC. All through your pregnancy he was thinking about the OW. Disgusting.

Patienceinshortsupply · 09/12/2024 16:44

You were at your most vulnerable and he did that?!

His clothes would be on a bonfire on the front garden. And he'd be the guy.

You will never know peace of mind again with a man like this.

Jostuki · 09/12/2024 16:46

I wouldn't lower myself to stay with someone who deliberately went behind my back to cheat, lie and deceive.

Ilikemymenlikeilikemycoffee · 09/12/2024 16:47

Given the fact it isn’t a one off, definitely not! I mean even a one off I couldn’t accept as I know what I’m like and I’d bring it up constantly, I’d feel self conscious and he would repulse me!
He sounds very disrespectful to have done it in your own home… that’s really just vile!

Have more respect for yourself and accept he’s a wrongen!