Can a relationship be the same after cheating?

[Auntiegg]

Can a relationship ever be the same after one of you cheats?
My partner cheated with a woman and I'm so stupid, he would come home and speak about her all the time, I even said one night, I don't actually want to hear you talk about her anymore, they had sex in our bed when I was away with the children and I even FaceTimed him and she must of been there, he just went into another room and I was pregnant at the time.
I don't know what I feel yet, I don't think it's even sunk in.

The fact he brought his tart into
your home and slept with her in your bed would end it for me .

@Auntiegg

"Can a relationship ever be the same after one of you cheats?"

no!!, not if you have a healthy sense of self-worth.

Raise your bar lovely 🤗

What an absolute scumbag he is.

So sorry you are going through this OP. 💐

You deserve much better than him.

My kids absolutely love him to bits and it would break their hearts if he didn't live with us, I do work (from home) only part time as I have the kids to look after, the grandparents help out.
I just don't know what to say, think, feel or do!

I think it is possible in the abstract - in that, some relationships in some circumstances can be rebuilt and thrive. I don't think there's some absolute rule that it is impossible.
That doesn't mean any particular relationship can survive it. For some, a spouse cheating at all is an absolute end. In others, the type of cheating, circumstances, and behaviour make a significant difference.
It's only possible at all (I think) if the cheating spouse is absolutely honest about it, answers any questions asked, and does some serious work on him/herself to change attitudes and behaviour.
I have a long-standing belief that it's not all that likely a person is caught cheating the very first time, so should be asked (and should be honest) about any other behaviour even if not full-on cheating.
You don't have to decide now this minute either. There's no deadline.

@ChicBee yes, they are all our children

You really wouldn't believe he would cheat he's so into our family and a good dad and provides well, he makes us laugh, is loving, does his share at home, I don't think he's a bad person but his actions say otherwise

That is truly disgusting behaviour.
The level of disrespect this man has shown you is unbelievable.
I don't know how you can even look at him OP, let alone contemplate continuing to stay married to him.

I missed the bit about it being in your bed.

Are you seriously telling us that you are still sleeping in that bed every night since you found out?

We have a new bed.
He is trying to make things better. I'm torn because I have 3 very young children and he's all I've ever known

Yes, depending on the circumstances. My relationship survived and is actually better in a lot of ways. It's not a journey for the faint-hearted.
In your specific circumstances, I would walk away. Doing it in your home, in your bed is a level if disrespect I could never get over.

It is very difficult when you have children @Auntiegg

Even though in my previous post I stated that there's no coming back from infidelity, the ONLY time that would give me pause for thought is if I had children.

IF, and only if, you think that you could overcome his betrayal, then you could possibly move forward.

Only you know your relationship and if it can survive. 😔

I could never forgive a cheat.

@beetr00 I don't even know what I feel to be honest, it changes, sometimes, hourly!
I can't imagine my life without him but I don't know if I can "forgive and forget" I think I'm the kind of person to mention it if we were arguing and if he's on his phone I'll be wondering if he's doing it again, I just really don't know, I'm sick of not knowing.

No it can never be the same. Every special moment or occasion is sullied by the memory of the cheating. Walk away.

Women never forget what they’ve forgiven, itll eat away at you

The fact that the children are so young is an absolute blessing. They won’t be heartbroken at all. My parents split up before I was five and I don’t actually remember him living in the house at all.

Absolutely not, I made the mistake of staying, because we had young children, and I then later found out he had done it all through our relationship, even when I was pregnant. I did leave my son wasn't even two at the time.

It was hard, but the best decision I ever made, I'm now with someone who I trust and treats me respectfully. I just wish I had left sooner. I would never trust them and the idea of them having sex with someone else disgusted me. If I were you I would leave the relationship, even if it's just to get some space to work out what you would want to do.

I dont think things can ever be the same again, every time he's working overtime you'll wonder if he's with her, if he's stuck in traffic you'll wonder if he's with her, if he's looking at his phone you'll wonder if he's texting her, if he goes out with his mates you'll wonder if he's really with her.

My dh had an emotional affair 2 years ago and although we're still together and I say that things are OK it's the first thing I think if he's ever late, you can't get trust back once it's gone.

It won't ever be the same. It will take years for the pain to get to a tolerable level. You will never forget.
It is possible for you to stay together, only you know if it is worth the effort. I recommend listening to the podcast 'after the affair' Luke Shillings

@ChicBee I found out when our daughter was about 6/7 weeks old

I'm usually quite fiery and hot headed but at the moment that's not there. I'm also wondering if he has done it before because if he hadn't been caught I'd absolutely swear he would never do this