To leave a promoted position for a less well paid role

[mermaid101]

I’m looking for experiences (good and bad!) of people who have done this.

My situation is that I have been in various middle management roles in the civil service for about the last 10 years. I am now earning about 60 000.

I have two children one 8 and one 12. My DH is self employed and works part time and mainly looks after the children. I am 48 and hoping to retire at 60. My mortgage is currently 800 per month with 100,000left to pay. I don’t have much spare money but have a biggish savings account (50 000) which I intend to invest for the children for higher education or similar.

I am horribly burnt out by work. I have very little spare time and feel very unwell with stress. I have a GP appointment to discuss this next week. I am particularly stressed by a project I am working on just now, but generally feel very overwhelmed at work although my manager is very supportive.

Due to working for local government, I can request to return to a role which is not managerial and would pay around 50,000 per year. The salary difference would be about 300 per month. My DH will look for different work to make up the difference, but this may not be as easy as it sounds.

if you have got this far, I’d be very grateful for any thoughts on my situation. I feel very anxious and unhappy just now and don’t want to make a decision I will regret, but equally feel that life is short- sometimes a lot shorter than we think and I feel like I am missing out on the important things. I would say at the moment I have very little enjoyment in my life.

what should I do?

Can you wait for your DH to find a new role?

I have done exactly this. Best decision I ever made. I feel so much healthier and better able to enjoy life.

I think this would absolutely make sense and it what we have agreed. I’m worried that this might not work out; he’s been self employed for a long time, similar age to me and no qualifications.
i feel very stressed but also very fearful of what feels like a big change. So a bit paralyzed really 😔

Sunny thanks for replying. Would you mind telling me a bit more about your situation and how you came to this decision
I’m glad to hear you are happier now. 😊

Just do it. You've done your time. You have £50k back up. Your family needs you happy and healthy. It's a no brainer to me.

Are you civil service or local government as you mention both? If civil service, I'd be tempted to stick at grade but find a role that's less stressful in a different organisation, grades vary massively in the civil service and what is expected in one organisation is very different to the next.

Thanks berga! This is very much how I feel - done my time. No more left to give and no desire to. I used to love my job but I just want to do other things: go to the gym, see friends, do housework, spend time with my family. I’m just worried that I might be disadvantaging my family- I feel like at my salary level every penny counts and I don’t want to sell them short just because I can’t manage my workload. I feel it’s my responsibility to make as much as I can to give them as much as I can

I’m a teacher but was trying to be a bit vague

I get this, I have been there. I have just reduced my hours because after some counselling I realised giving my family the very best isn't just financial. Good luck!

£300 a month isn't worth feeling like this for. There is definitely something you can cut back, and you have your savings too (although it's very easy to erode though and although £50k is a lot it's not giant considering the speed of inflation - which has slowed down but is not going to stop).

Before you pull the trigger, though, is there anything that can be done within your role to reduce the stress? Have you tried discussing your workload with your director/department head?

Oh just seen you're in teaching. Yes, do it. And look for another job elsewhere.

OP, did you really say that you prefer to do housework?

Berga thanks so much for sharing this. I don’t mean to pry so please don’t feel you have to answer these but I’d be really interested to know if you have another earning adult in your house and also has there been much of a material difference in your family’s life style?

Yes! 100%
A morning at the weekend doing housework is a treat/relaxation for me.
I know how strange this sounds but doing housework feels non stressful and also makes me feel I am doing something nice for myself and family.
I do realize this could be illustrative of my levels of stress and unhappiness at work!

I am the same age and did this recently - with a much bigger pay cut (£75k to £45k) and have NO regrets.

Difference for us is that DH is the higher earner so it is affordable (I’m not really saving any money now and I have reined in a few luxuries, but we aren’t stressed about money).

The toll my better paid job was taking on my mental health was just too much. There simply isn’t an amount of money you could have paid me to keep doing it.

I think the key consideration is whether you would replace work stress with money stress, and whether there are options to increase or boost your income further down the line.

I did vaguely similar 8yrs ago. My role was made redundant though, but it had been more stressful than I realised- mainly the people management of legacy staff which had been left by the previous manager to fester! Similar wage then too.

I'd been TTC for 4yrs years, and once I'd left that job- got pregnant! Sadly, things didn't work out, but I do think the stress of that role was a contributing factor. I took a lower paid job, but no people management which was great. I'm now almost back to the same pay, but my current role is permanently WFH, so any shortfall is more than made up by the lack of commute.

Would you want to return in the same company though? Have you looked elsewhere? Private school, tutoring, training adults/young people in certain skills instead of core teaching?

Thavks lost it. This is my concern with the 50,000. I’ll never have an opportunity to get anything like this sum again and I know how quickly it could be torn through. I really want to put it aside for my kids to make their future a little easier. I’m very reluctant to dip into it hence my hesitation of leaving post.

I could speak with my manager who is very very supportive but it’s just really the reality of the post. I feel like I’m maybe not as competent as some of my peers so havr to work very hard to keep up

Thanks so much for this. I thibk this is the main stumbling block for me; being the main earner is a big responsibility and I think things are tight enough that we could end up stressing about money

The way it would work is that I would resign from my leadership role and return to classroom teaching.
there would be a few complications but it is doable

I am in the process of doing this - huge FTE salary drop, and a further drop because I work three days - but I pay very little tax,
Not quite there, doing some self employed work for prev employer on a day rate, but that should tail off soon. I'm undecided, but I might look for 1 day a week or similar freelance in the new year, but enjoying the new role.
If you don't enjoy the new role, wait for something else to come up if your want to stay with your current employer - or look for something completely new.

I’m very sorry for your loss JC
there are some roles similar to the ones you describe but the salary drop would be too much. But I would be very happy to return to classroom teaching. I really enjoy this part of my job

Thanks thinwoman. Do you mind me asking what prompted you to make this decision and do you have any regrets? Has it been difficult

Another option would be to get a cleaner, assuming this costs less per hour than you earn after tax.

Although isn't this something that PT working DH could be doing as he must have free time while DC are at school? If the sexes were reversed, it almost certainly wouldn't be the case that a man working full time would also be doing all the cleaning while his wife was working PT. Who does the cooking, grocery shopping and laundry? Manages the finances, gardening etc?

Or can he up his hours/prices/concentrate on higher paying jobs to make up the £300 pm that you'd lose?

You talk about returning to classroom teaching, but a lot of teachers talk a lot about the amount of work they need to do in the evenings and at weekends that takes up all their time.

Having said that, due to the tax system, the take home drop from £60k to £50k isn't as much as the difference in gross pay would suggest, due to paying 40% tax on a lot of it, with a bit of NI and possibly student loan repayments on top.

But overall, YANBU to consider a step back if you can afford it.

Sorry @mermaid101, I went to sleep! So yes, there is another earning adult in the family now, but this is recent as I was living alone as a single parent for last ten years, so I know the weight of being the breadwinner. My DD is now 18 but living at home and I am a few years younger than you, we also have DSD who DP supports.

In terms of a material difference, it's only been a couple of months, but no, not really. I have learned that a stressful job is quite expensive, not just mental health wise, but in treats to cheer myself up, in convenience food because I don't have time, etc etc. it's balanced out for me. It has also helped to think that no decision is absolute. A few years down the line I might decide to up my hours or responsibility again, or train in something else. I'm thinking a few months of doing what @ThinWomansBrain suggests and doing 1 day of freelance or similar.

Honestly, I think your heart has made the decision, you're just trying to convince your head.

Me too. In teaching. Went from middle leader role - which required my soul - back to classroom teacher. Best decision ever!