To leave a promoted position for a less well paid role

[mermaid101]

I’m looking for experiences (good and bad!) of people who have done this.

My situation is that I have been in various middle management roles in the civil service for about the last 10 years. I am now earning about 60 000.

I have two children one 8 and one 12. My DH is self employed and works part time and mainly looks after the children. I am 48 and hoping to retire at 60. My mortgage is currently 800 per month with 100,000left to pay. I don’t have much spare money but have a biggish savings account (50 000) which I intend to invest for the children for higher education or similar.

I am horribly burnt out by work. I have very little spare time and feel very unwell with stress. I have a GP appointment to discuss this next week. I am particularly stressed by a project I am working on just now, but generally feel very overwhelmed at work although my manager is very supportive.

Due to working for local government, I can request to return to a role which is not managerial and would pay around 50,000 per year. The salary difference would be about 300 per month. My DH will look for different work to make up the difference, but this may not be as easy as it sounds.

if you have got this far, I’d be very grateful for any thoughts on my situation. I feel very anxious and unhappy just now and don’t want to make a decision I will regret, but equally feel that life is short- sometimes a lot shorter than we think and I feel like I am missing out on the important things. I would say at the moment I have very little enjoyment in my life.

what should I do?

I did this. I'm a nurse and as soon as I left the hospital I fell pregnant after TTC for a while. Now I've worked my way up so I'm on similar pay 4 years later but there's no way I would ever go back to working in the hospital.

Just do it.
How much of the extra is spent on holidays, nice car, nice food etc?
As long as you can afford your mortgage and bills, I think what you'll gain is priceless.

What else would you like to know?

Do you thibk @Northernnugget? I thibk it will be for me but I worry I will be making life worse for folk in my house just to benefit me.

I've stepped back in teaching from a management role and it was 100% worth it. I was HoD and the £400 or so a month paycut more than paid for itself in my health and happiness. I wouldn't go back to management in teaching I don't think, it's far too stressful. The head space you get back is priceless.

Really interesting @TooManyCupsAndMugs
im a HOD and I’m finding it so hard, despite a very supportive Head. There is always so much to do. It’s a very challenging role!
did you remain in your own school or did you change schools. How did yiu explain to your head? And colleagues?

I've stepped back twice - first time, I just resigned the whole job intending to find a non- management role somewhere else but when they appointed internally, they offered me a teacher only role and I accepted. Management understood - I had very young children. Second time, it was just a bloody awful school (they paid their HoDs on Leadership Scale, so they didn't have to stick to the 1265 hours work rule) so I left and found another school as just a teacher. They were delighted to get me - experienced and wanting just a teacher role in a shortage subject!

I think one of the things worrying me is perhaps it won’t be very much less work? Also, did you stay in your own school?
was your situation flexible, for example was there the option of returning to your promoted position? Also did it feel a bit strange or were you just relieved?

what was it like remaining in your own school? How did you find that? And what did the new hod think? I know you might not to want or be able to say here, but these are all considerations for me and I can’t really ask anyone in real life

I changed school. It was far less brain space and stress, so even though I was still putting in the hours, I wasn't consumed by it in the same way. I have been promoted again several times in my new school and now have a cross trust role (whole new can of worms!).

I have been a HoD for a previous HoD who had stepped down, in thisncase unwillingly. As you can imagine, that brought its own issues, but they were professional and just generally a nice person, so they were quickly resolved. Science, so very big department. Probably helpful!

Me and new HoD were good friends at work so no problem at all. She appreciated my help when needed but I didn't step on her toes, she had to work it out for herself. She was an excellent HoD, I worked well with her.

I haven’t and I’m keeping this all to myself. I’m not sure how to explain, but I feel quite embarrassed by being so overwhelmed; my colleagues all seem to manage fine.
also my head teacher is very, very supportive. I feel that she would try very hard to make accommodations for me. I’d feel like even more of a failure if I still couldn’t manage. And then left in the end anyway.
Although I think it would be the wrong thing to leave very suddenly….

Yes I'd take a step back

Can you go part time? Drop a day a week? Is it a role that could allow this?

It’s maybe not impossible. I’ve not thought of that. Thanks for suggesting
I think though I just need to be away from the whole thing. If I was working some days I think I would just be consumed still. I think I’m addicted to my work. I find it very difficult to switch off and havr boundaries

Would it be to reduce your hours to 4 days / week or a nine day fortnight rather than a full time job for less pay? In this way you'd keep the seniority, have flexibility if you did decide to go part time or wanted to apply for a "better" job externally and of course the free day.

Thanks @mimosa1 that makes a lot of sense. But I thibk my problem is that I’m totally overwhelmed by my job and just really don’t want the responsibility and stress. I don’t want to be in charge or the person making decisions. I just want to coast

If that's tge case then the chances are you'll be just as stressed in a lesser role.

A day off with a pro rata salary also will give DH some leeway into getting back to work.

It's usually more tax efficient if you both work part time. Plus he'll get some pension contributions too.

Do you thibk I would be just as stressed? I don’t know but I see the colleagues I am responsible for leaving at 5pm and having lunch together and if anything goes wrong or they have a problem or anything needs deciding then that’s on me. Which of course is absolutely right as it’s my role and responsibility, but I just don’t want it any more.
ideally I’d work part time in an unpromoted role but it’s not feasible just now.
thanks for the point aboit the benefits of two part time wages. I haven’t considered this.

For me, it wasn't about hours. It was about responsibility and accountability. I needed a breather where I was responsible just for my own work (and the kids as well of course, but that's teaching!).

That’s exactly how I feel @TheFallenMadonna. I just feel so snowed under all the time. There is so much thinking and driving change and improvement and building a team and admin and all the other things. But most of all I want there to be someone I hand the problem to, rather than be the person who has to deal with the problem.
I think I might be burnt out. I just want things to be easier

Don't reduce your days as HoD. The TLR payment then becomes pro-rata, then you have the same amount of work for less money, done in less time (unless you work for free on your day off). Just don't. Talk to your LM - maybe someone on your team is dying to step up. Or, you could care a bit less - when I was HoD and happy, I was quite strict with my boundaries and working time. 5pm, laptop shut, will deal with tomorrow.

Just to add some additional thoughts from my experience:

By the sounds of things it's not simply the hours you are working that is the problem.

If you fundamentally don't enjoy the role, don't reduce your hours or spend money on a cleaner or whatever - getting paid less/spending more to do something that's making your miserable isn't the answer.

Also be cautious about reducing hours if it doesn't come with a commensurate reduction in responsibility - I've seen too often that people working 4 day weeks are basically trying to keep up with a 5 day a week job and getting paid less to do so.

OP I can hear that you seem to be struggling with a sense that you "ought" to be able to cope with this job. Honestly this is something I've had to grapple with a am still to some extent grappling with despite being really happy in my new, lower paid role. Particularly I was seeing other people who had been my peers go onto bigger and better things when I was taking a step back. I was weighed down with the sense of being a failure and not doing what I "ought" to be doing at this stage in my career, and I'd also realised my identity was somewhat bound up with the being the "successful one" in my family. But I've realised it's more important to be honest with myself and authentic to who I am, and that being the "successful one" wasn't making me happy - and in turn that was impacting my ability to be a good partner, a good parent and a good friend.

I still do have a bit of an internal battle with myself over this but I do keep reminding myself how close I was to a complete mental breakdown in my previous role and how much happier I am now - it doesn't matter what I "ought" to have been able to cope with, the fact was I wasn't coping.

OP just do it. I earn less than you would even with the salary drop, my DH has a job in hospitality which isn't well paid, our housing costs are £1300 per month, we have 3DC and manage fine.

I have a friend who ended up in hospital with very severe mental health problems after doing a stressful job. She doesn't know why colleagues were better able to cope with the job related stress but I guess some people, due to a mix of past experiences and personality, manage stress differently to others. Don't worry about how your colleagues manage. It's your life and your mental health you need to prioritise. Having a healthy Mum is more important for your DC than having spare money for non essential items.