To leave a promoted position for a less well paid role

[mermaid101]

I’m looking for experiences (good and bad!) of people who have done this.

My situation is that I have been in various middle management roles in the civil service for about the last 10 years. I am now earning about 60 000.

I have two children one 8 and one 12. My DH is self employed and works part time and mainly looks after the children. I am 48 and hoping to retire at 60. My mortgage is currently 800 per month with 100,000left to pay. I don’t have much spare money but have a biggish savings account (50 000) which I intend to invest for the children for higher education or similar.

I am horribly burnt out by work. I have very little spare time and feel very unwell with stress. I have a GP appointment to discuss this next week. I am particularly stressed by a project I am working on just now, but generally feel very overwhelmed at work although my manager is very supportive.

Due to working for local government, I can request to return to a role which is not managerial and would pay around 50,000 per year. The salary difference would be about 300 per month. My DH will look for different work to make up the difference, but this may not be as easy as it sounds.

if you have got this far, I’d be very grateful for any thoughts on my situation. I feel very anxious and unhappy just now and don’t want to make a decision I will regret, but equally feel that life is short- sometimes a lot shorter than we think and I feel like I am missing out on the important things. I would say at the moment I have very little enjoyment in my life.

what should I do?

I did this. Then when I felt better I was incredibly bored so applied for and got a promotion with more money and more responsibility. Do it, you will be happier and then, who knows you may want to look at other jobs outside teaching or go back to something more senior.

Go to that GP appointment. I do hope that the GP takes it seriously.
Then talk to your manager about a demotion for a little while, maybe 12 oer 24 months?, to restore yourself to full energy.
It is not worthy if you are not enjoying it. It is better to take a little break.

@ACynicalDad would you get more child benefit is earning under £50k - that may help towards the £300 shortfall?

good luck! I would do it and find ways to reduce outgoings/increase income to make up the money x

I did this but tbh the pay difference was less than £5k year. That's nursing for you, ridiculous increase in responsibility matched with only a small pay increase! First 2 years was only £1k a year difference!

My mental health was destroyed and I couldn’t continue. I didn’t recognise myself, I was so irritable, not sleeping, couldn’t concentrate, couldn’t relax at all, days off wasted worrying!

The minute I handed in my notice, I felt lighter and I’m loving my new job.

It’s not an easy decision to make, I think we are almost conditioned to keep going up. Only you know of the pay difference is manageable.

I guess the question is do you have £300 slack in your monthly budget - if you do and there’s the opportunity to step back it may well be worth it. I’ve taken a step back in a very challenging role, regrouped and recovered and then stepped back up again a few years later when I needed to and had the capacity.

If losing the £300 a month leaves you short each month then you’ll need a different option. I’d also be looking at the balance of responsibilities at home, your partner should be carrying the bulk giving his part time working.

Is there a different problem with your finances ? I don’t understand how you don’t have much money with your salary plus whatever your DH earns and a 100k mortgage? Have you got other debts etc?

Unless you have a fantastic return on investment, pay down your mortgage with those savings, you will likely save more than 300£ a month and free up a lot of breathing space all round.

Just do it. I took a 20kcut. No regrets

The other thing to consider is how much less responsibility and stress will the £50k really be. If only marginal, keep the higher salary and use it to outsource parts of your home life.

He does pretty much everything. But this impacts on how much he can work and it feels like the balance is all off; I’d like to do more of the home stuff.
the 300 per month will impact but if I am working less, he can work more which will should even things out. That’s the theory anyway!

I’ve thought about this @Summerhillsquare I just feel quite reassured by having this money ready if there are any issues or problems.,
but maybe this would be the best thing and then I’d have fewer outgoing?
I just feel guilty about possibly depriving my kids of having some sort of financial help just to make my life easier

Obviously your circumstances will be different to mine but I've recently done similar. I was a senior nurse, I left and now I provide home care for older people for a private company. It's been a big drop in salary but I absolutely love it and it is totally worth it. I can breathe, I can plan stuff with the family/friends, my head isn't constantly spinning.

This is exactly what I’m looking for @DrMaxwell
was it a hard decision to make? Do you mind me asking if you have any dependents?

It was difficult to walk away, I worked so hard to get where I was, but I realised that wasn't a good enough reason to stay being stressed and miserable all the time. I can return if I want to but 6 months later I have no desire to.

I have a teen ds and 3 tween dsc.

Your life being easier now will benefit your kids more than cash later.

We are a bit nervous of me giving up
some of my earning potential unless he has something more certain. His work can be unreliable and it would be too risky.
he would need to get a completely new job.

I feel very guilty as we had agreed that I would be the main earner and I used to be very happy with the set up but now it’s changed. I feel like I should just get on with it for the good of everyone else

You just can't continue on the way you are now. It could be the best thing you've ever done.

How did you come to your decision @DrMaxwell
what did other people in your life say?

I'm happy to give more details via DM but I feel like I'm going to out myself completely if I share on here.

Thanks @Summerhillsquare
i can see this in theory but there just feels something- I don’t know - quite indulgent about using up this money just so I can have an easier life

I know @XWKD!
part of me feels really excited but the other part is really scared. Work is such a big part of my identity as well as everything else. But the thought of being free and able to live a more balanced life
is sooooo appealing

it maybe that saving the £300 isn’t too awful - once you are less stressed you have the headspace to do things that save money like meal plan properly, more organised in life admin etc all of which help

I'm a teacher and have twice moved from an SLT role to a mainscale role. Both times it was the right decision, and I have subsequently, when ready, moved back into leadership roles. In fact, moving back has really helped me as a senior leader, where it is a bit too easy to forget the different but very real pressures of full time in the classroom.

Of course. So sorry that’s very thoughtless of me to ask like this

@TheFallenMadonna im really interested to hear more about this, if you were willing to share with me? I thibk it could really help me