Tattoo of XH name

[Over40andNotalotofpatienceleft]

I have my XH name on the back of my neck, it’s just under my hairline. I was married for twenty yrs, and we have 3 beautiful children. It doesn’t bother me, I don’t think about it and I can’t see it but new DP of 3.5 yrs wants it gone. He doesn’t want to see it, and it makes him unhappy.
So. Am I unreasonable because I think he’s being ridiculous or am I unreasonable for not getting rid of it to please him?

He needs to get over himself. If he's that bothered he can pay for it to be removed or covered up. I do admittedly have little patience for whiny men so I might be ever so slightly dismissive.

I wouldn't particularly like if my husband's ex's name was written on his body. Then again I'd hate any tattoo. I think they look awful.

It's a difficult one because on the one hand, if it doesn't bother you, he really doesn't have much say about what's on your body. On the other hand, he is the one who can frequently see it - it's on the back of your neck so very much not in your face.

On balance, I'd have it removed.

Have it removed or get a cover up tattoo. It's incredibly disrespectful to your new partner. It doesn't matter if the tattoo is hidden or not, he knows it's still there.
I'd refuse to date a man with another woman's name on his body.

It probably doesn't bother you because you literally can never see it. But he would see it loads...
if it was on your collarbone for example, you would have the constant reminder and it might bother you enough then to cover/remove.
On the whole I don't like partners suggesting changes to their OHs body BUT on this occasion I don't think he's unreasonable. But of course, do what you want, just don't consider him controlling for mentioning it

Your body, ultimately your choice.
But if it was the other way round and my dh had a tattoo of an exh on his body Id want it gone. So on that basis Id remove on on my body also.

Sort of like branded with your owner's name like people do with cattle?

I can see why a new partner thinks it's disrespectful to him and pretty awful.

I wouldn't like it and would rather not see it, but it's your body.

He’s NBU at all. Honestly, would you be okay with having to see another woman’s name emblazoned on him? It’s really naff and he must be wondering why you haven’t had it covered or something by now.

Ultimately it is your body and he doesn’t get a vote.

that said, I do try to be considerate of my husband’s feelings about my XH. For example, I have some very nice jewelry that just sits in a drawer because I know it would bother my husband if I wore it, even if I had the jewels reset. I think it’s a bit silly, but I just don’t care that much.

I would consider having the tattoo covered, but to do that the cost would be coming from his budget or the household budget and I would insist on finding a highly skilled artist to do the work. It may be on the back of your neck and largely hidden, but right now you have something that you feel neutral about. Covering a tattoo is an art and you need someone who can do it well and make it look great so it can become something you love.

The difficulty in removing or covering it with a different tattoo is a problem. Equally is the fact he was in your life for 20 yrs.
I’d consider his request insecure and immature.

Agree that it’s your body your choice, but I wouldn’t like it if DH had been branded with another woman’s name and I had to see it all the time.

No way I'd go through the pain of removal, especially in that spot on the say so of a new bloke.

I agree with this!

I can see why he doesn't like it, he has to see it a lot more than you do!

Did he die or did you break up?

If he is paying, get it removed or covered. Otherwise what is it saying?

My DH has a massive letter "R" on the top of his arm - it's his first wife's initial. When we met, I asked what it was for, he told me, and we laughed about how the tattoo had outlasted the marriage.

When we got married, he offered to get it removed, or have a cover up done, but I'm not bothered, I told him it will be a good lesson for our kids on the permeance of tattoos! We now have 2 DDs in their late teens, and no tattoos yet!

If it had been his first wife's full name rather than just the initial, I suspect I would have felt differently, so I do see your DP's point, and I would consider myself fairly tolerant of this sort of thing!

I agree. Both my husband and I agree that we would not tolerate either of us getting a tattoo.

Op, can you get it lasered off?

I have my ex husbands name on my back, we have seen divorced for 7 years, I haven’t got it covered (he got my name covered straight away), it doesn’t bother me as I can’t even see it and he’s my DC’s dad, apart of my life and memories. I think if it was somewhere where everyone could see it i probably would get it covered.

Your body, your call, but I'd not want a partner with their ex's name on them.It's not only that you've still got the ex, you don't have the present. I would never tatoo but I heard someone saying they have their kids but not their wife, his kids will be his kids forever, don't know about wife...

Isn’t it dangerous to dissolve old tattoo inks? I read about it recently. They are best left alone.

No doggy sex and all should be fine 😉

We broke up. We do not have contact unless it’s regarding our children (shared custody)

The amount of people who just flippently suggest getting them removed. A mega painful experience that leaves scars. For a NEW partner no less
Seriously weird on here about tattoos.

I might not like it but I wouldn’t ask my partner to get or remove a tattoo or have any body part surgically altered for me. That is creepy and feels quasi violent and possessive.