Tattoo of XH name

[Over40andNotalotofpatienceleft]

I have my XH name on the back of my neck, it’s just under my hairline. I was married for twenty yrs, and we have 3 beautiful children. It doesn’t bother me, I don’t think about it and I can’t see it but new DP of 3.5 yrs wants it gone. He doesn’t want to see it, and it makes him unhappy.
So. Am I unreasonable because I think he’s being ridiculous or am I unreasonable for not getting rid of it to please him?

When he's hitting it from behind he doesnt want to see "JEFF" on the back of your neck.

I would find it weird you weren't bothered by it but you aren't so never mind. He either likes it or lumps it

You were unreasonable in getting it in the first place you have essentially tagged yourself as your ExH but it’s your body and from what I hear a painful procedure. You may need to only date people with your ExH name in the future

Have it removed if YOU want it removed.

You had it when he chose to be with you, 3.5 years ago. He made his choice. Why would you be expected to get rid now, has something changed?
I think most cover ups need at least some laser sessions first and as well as the pain that's all expensive and time consuming. But he's your children's father and you aren't bothered about it. You have 20 years of history and 3 children with him, that can't be lasered or covered up. He's always in the picture to some degree.

I'd understand the discomfort- why would you not remove it? Because you think your new DP shouldn't be bothered by it?

What about a cover-up?

I wouldn't say 3.5 years is new. Some people are married that far in.

This.

Go on Tattoo fixers and get a huge back piece (eurgh I hate that word).

I'm Henry the Eight I am,
I got married to the widow next door
She's been married seven times before
Everyone was an Henry
She wouldn't have a Willie or a Sam
I'm her eighth old man named Henry
Henry the Eight I am.

I probably wouldn't like it either but it's your body and your choice at the end of the day. If you're not going to get it removed, tell him straight and put an end to any further discussion. Then it's up to him to decide if it bothers him enough to walk away or not!

Thank you for your opinion :)
I don’t like that it makes him uncomfortable and I don’t want him to feel uncomfortable, I just don’t appreciate the pressure now.
The tattoo hasn’t just popped up. It’s been there the whole time but suddenly it’s an issue. I guess this is why I’m a little taken a back.

He's felt a burning resentment for 3 years and he's finally had enough. Tolerance on the wane so he's speaking his mind. Same as all relationships really, can't stay tolerant forever.

A huge back piece seems a little extreme to cover something that’s probably 5cms x 2cms but you could be on to something 🤣

Get a cover up tattoo. Why wouldn't you?
My husband had his exes name tattooed on his neck.
I asked him to get it covered, which he did.

I think laser is the preferred option but I guess a cover up might suffice.
He’s told me part of his reasoning for detesting this tattoo is he is traditional and doesn’t like them at all.

Lost me at “he is traditional”. what does that mean??

Tricky because he's allowed to say he doesn't like it (and I can see why it would be jarring) but he doesn't get to compel you to do anything with your body. If you feel moved to cover it up, then do it, but he doesn't get to choose that for you.

My friends husband had a tattoo of his exes name. It was quite big as it was lengthways on his arm and it wasn't a short name. "Marjorie" accompanied him up the aisle because he kept needing scheduled surgeries at regular intervals for a period of time so couldn't really book a cover up. She's gone now though. I don't think my friend loved it but she understood the delay in banishing it and she felt secure in the relationship.

Honestly, if this is a relationship you see going for a long time, I'd just get a cover up.

Flip it.

How would you feel if his ex's name was on his neck?

The laser treatment for removal is painful and depending on how well the laser takes/the size/age of the tattoo means that you'll probably have to have quite a few sessions to remove it. Plus it often leaves ugly blue markings. The trouble is if you have a cover up, it's often very large.

I'm guessing your hair doesn't cover it?

I can see your new dps point of view but say if you had lasered/inked over and then you split up would you then wish you'd left it as it was? Don't mean to be negative but just something to consider.,

My immediate thought was 'is it on his right arm?' as obviously then it would be the perfect joke that its so he can tell his left from right! I have actually seen that on someone's feet before😂

It's not really an R, I changed the letter for anonymity's sake, but if it were, I would totally run with your point and get him to tattoo an "L" onto his left arm! 😂

On one hand I can totally see his point, it would be very weird to see your partners exes name on their body. Helluva lesson in never getting partners names tattooed on you! I also know how easy it is to forget the ones you never/rarely see - I've a full spinal & completely forget about it

HOWEVER, his 'traditionalist' view on tattoos would mean I'd get a cover-up with something delicate down my neck & onto my back. I'd 100% not get it lasered off & nothing to replace it.

Have you got any more or just that one?

I agree