Tattoo of XH name

[Over40andNotalotofpatienceleft]

I have my XH name on the back of my neck, it’s just under my hairline. I was married for twenty yrs, and we have 3 beautiful children. It doesn’t bother me, I don’t think about it and I can’t see it but new DP of 3.5 yrs wants it gone. He doesn’t want to see it, and it makes him unhappy.
So. Am I unreasonable because I think he’s being ridiculous or am I unreasonable for not getting rid of it to please him?

This is why decent tattooists won't tattoo partners names on people.

One of my friends has had tattoos lasered off and she said it was extremely painful.

I think if it bothered my new partner I would get it removed. I had my EXH's name on my wrist lasered off but that was because I didn't want to see it. I can understand that your partner might not like to see your ex's name whenever he stares at your neck in bed. What is more problematic is his 'traditional' stance as that implies he wants to be able to tell you what you can or can't do with your own body.

I took “traditional” to mean he just doesn’t like tattoos, not that he was controlling and old fashioned.

Tell him to get to fuck. I assume that's not your only tattoo? Even if it is, it's your body and your choice. If he was 'traditional' he shouldn't have dated someone with tattoos. I have a tattoo with my wedding date in it and the subject of the tattoo relates directly to my husband. I got it knowing 100% that if we split up I will not regret the tattoo and would never cover it up or remove it. Your tattoo is part of your story and if you don't want to cover it then don't! I am absolutely sure most of the YABU votes are from people who just hate tattoos and judge you for getting one in the first place.

Hi , my partner and I are both heavily tattooed , I would hate it if he had his exes name on him .

If it's just under your hairline, can you grow your hair to hide it?

Getting it lasered seems like unnecessary pain and expense, and a cover up will just draw more attention to it.

I don't think it's up to your DP what you do. You had the tattoo when you met; it's part of you, he can like it or lump it.

Well then he shouldn't have started a relationship with a woman who has a tattoo then. I have a great many tattoos and if a man started to date me then informed me he doesn't like tattoos I'd be baffled.

I've had laser removal, it's expensive and painful and can take many sessions to remove. Only do it if you want to.

I have been in that situation, it doesn’t bother me.

Maybe suggest your new partner changes his name to whatever the name is- cheaper and less painful than removal 😂

Seriously, I’d probably get it covered. Obviously it’s your choice but it’s not unreasonable that he feels bothered by it, and that’s the context in which you’re making your choice.

Thank you for the suggestion but I have long curly Afro hair, the tattoo is only visible if my hair is pinned on top of my head (which I do rarely) and I wear a sleeping cap which covers & protects it at night so I’m pretty sure he isn’t staring at it in bed.

I am going to accept that I am unreasonable and look in to removal.

Thanks all

Then offer him a cover up which means it'll double in size.

He's an arse for hooking up with someone with tattoos if he doesn't like them though.

He's not being unreasonable, but it's not something you can be forced to do.
I can see why he's fed up of it, but I find the whole idea of branding yourself with partners' names a bit 'hmmmmm '.

I'd leave it and try and find a new partner with the same name as your ex. Can't believe people get their partner's name tattooed on themselves. It's fucking weird.

Just goes to show having a partner’s name tattooed on you is never a good idea. Knew someone who did this. Within a year of marrying her he’d left her for someone else.

100%

It’s one where neither of you are unreasonable tbh. It’s one of those things where someone will have to give in.

I think I'd have it covered. But for me, not because my dp wanted me to

My grandad had a tattoo with a woman's name in it. He was in the merchant navy and had it done whilst rat-arsed on shore leave and had no recollection of having it done.
My gran met him a couple of years later and loved him until she died 70+years later because, whatever his past, it was the present that mattered.

It's literally another man's name tattooed on a part of your body for all to see. I understand why it bothers him.

But also, I imagine getting it removed could be painful and expensive

My brother had his first wife's name tattooed on his chest. How lovely for his second, much nicer, wife to see every day. He got a cover up tattoo so she didn't have to see it.
The moral of the story is, don't do anything that might look stupid in the future. Which he did, several times.

I love tattoos and I'm not particularly jealous person, but I still wouldn't want to see my partner's ex's name written on the back of his neck every day either.

If you don't want to get rid of it, then don't. Your body, your choice. But you cannot possibly expect him to be happy about it.

But your partner is not being ridiculous to hate it. Most people would hate it. It must be grim as hell to have your girlfriend/boyfriend very visibly branded with the name of another partner. It's basically saying 'I still belong to someone who will always be more important than you'.

I married someone who had his ex's initials tattooed in a pattern with his, on his back. I didn't love it, of course, but I knew she was in his past. It didn't cross my mind to ask him to change it. (But that marriage lasted about five minutes anyway.)

l don't think this guy has the right to demand you change it, OP. But if you want to please him in this small matter, why not change it? It's not as if your past will disappear.
Edit: Sorry, hadn't read your update.

How often does he or you lift up the hair on the back of your head to reveal the tattoo? It's not exactly stamped on your forehead!

He doesn't have to be ok with it - only you do.

This is the first sign of a jealous and controlling nature, He doesn't like tattoos, so he gets with someone with a tattoo? Doesn't see it very often, but wants you to go through pain so he doesn't have to know it's there?

Wow, he must really love and respect you.

He’s told me part of his reasoning for detesting this tattoo is he is traditional and doesn’t like them at all.

Sorry i don't understand what you mean by this.