Eating out with kids

[wantnoscrubs]

Whenever we get together as a family at a restaurant, my sister insists on spreading her four kids around the dinner table. Her theory is that it's not fun or fair for them to be shoved on the end and this way all the adults share the load of entertaining them,. This was the case as our aunts 70th birthday meal recently and I just cringed as there were no family members there. No one ever says anything and it's so awkward. We have a family wedding coming up and will be eating together with the bride and groom on the run up to the wedding and I just dread the moment they all spread around the table. They are very lively and chatty kids and won't just sit there quietly. They are aged between 5-8 - AIBU?

Yes YABU as you haven't said they're badly behaved?

'Non family members there' it should say

Sounds awful. Basically your DS wants to offload of responsibility of supervising her Dc onto everyone else. Why should you?
Words are needed or outsmart her with prearranged placenames as you choose

To clarify - she sits them in between adults they don’t really know who she expects to entertain them?

Her kids, her job to supervise. She's a lazy mare.

Yes sometimes adults they know, and sometimes ones they don't know very well.

They aren't badly behaved to be fair! But they are very chatty and engaged so no chance of adult conversation

Part of me always hates to see children sat at a different table and left to fend for themselves. It's like they're 2nd class citizens or something or that they are not important enough to sit with the rest of the group or family. I would make sure the children each have a little bag filled with colourings, stickers, books and things that will entertain them. A adults around the table can engage with them through this and also chat to other adults as the children spend time with their activity. Your post makes me feel that you think they are an inconvenience which is a bit sad!

We don’t do a kids table/end of the table in our family, they chat politely with their older relatives and with family friends etc. For those they don’t see frequently it’s a good opportunity for them to get to know each other.

Family dinner? Yes, lovely, they get to interact with adults and I hope all will have a lovely time as that’s what going out for an extended family meal is about. Wedding? No. It’s about what the bride and groom want, it’s their day and although it’s lovely they are inviting children (I wouldn’t and I have them), they don’t need extended family children pestering them to read a story or play a game when they’ve had the stress of planning the whole day and just want to relax (hopefully).

Really interesting to see a mix of opinions!

What about at a restaurant with non-immediate family members or friends? Not just close family

I can’t see the problem with this as long as they are being polite

I mean if it's a family gathering and they're chatting to family members, I can't see how that's particularly a bad thing?

Do you have kids of your own OP?

If so, do you bring them to family meals?

Even better to get to know them.

Especially if they're well behaved and polite.

God sat next to someone else’s “chatty” 6 year old that’s that meal ruined.

We sometimes have this set up too. It’s nice to be able to talk to the children and have proper conversations with them too.

It’s so much better than having kids on tablets.

As a compromise could the children sit like this for the main course, and then for desserts move to one end?

I couldn't think of anything worse than being sat next to someone's child and being expected to entertain them for a meal! Its lazy, selfish parenting!

I think mix them in but then split them off after one course is a good compromise?
It's nice to include them, good to build their social skills and to give mum a chance to have a break. But I agree the whole meal is a bit much.
I remember nearly crying with loneliness at in-laws gatherings when my children were young and sat completely on a diff table with me, I'd sit there thinking "we could just be at home, why r we even here?" Whilst everyone else had a good time, I felt like a rejected nanny and was in desperate need of a break/adult interaction.
Equally, children can be so, so annoying sometimes.
So I can see both sides.

I did think this would get a mix response which is why I was interested to ask

I haven't got any kids (can you tell?)
I love my nieces and nephews and I think they are great kids.

Im not saying it's a nightmare if we are grabbing a quick family meal. Im talking more along the lines of special occasions and when it's not just us as a family. Sometimes it's at quite posh restaurants where adults are spending quite a lot of money and I can't help but shake the feeling (cause I feel this way) that most would be happier chatting as adults rather than playing dobble at the dinner table in this circumstance

Its time to step up, the next generation need our guidance and our wisdom.

Challenge them with ideas, and try to make them laugh.

I’d be pretty pissed off if I paid for a meal that was constantly interrupted as I was forced to babysit someone else’s child.

Absolutely fine if it’s family and eating at someone’s house. But not out and about when paying for a meal.

Fucking fuckeroo, you were left at the kids table?!

That is wildly rude and unfair.
I would have sat with you pal!

Have you asked your sister if these meals out actually suit her? I wouldn’t take my kids to a posh restaurant at all.

A completely separate table is a bit harsh!

We do a bit of everything, family meals round each others houses. Casual restaurants and cafes with the kids. This is if she is invited to a special occasion like a birthday etc. and she has the option to come or not like anyone does