Eating out with kids

[wantnoscrubs]

Whenever we get together as a family at a restaurant, my sister insists on spreading her four kids around the dinner table. Her theory is that it's not fun or fair for them to be shoved on the end and this way all the adults share the load of entertaining them,. This was the case as our aunts 70th birthday meal recently and I just cringed as there were no family members there. No one ever says anything and it's so awkward. We have a family wedding coming up and will be eating together with the bride and groom on the run up to the wedding and I just dread the moment they all spread around the table. They are very lively and chatty kids and won't just sit there quietly. They are aged between 5-8 - AIBU?

Also she has four!!! That is overkill frankly and will surely mean most adults
present are lumbered with one of
her offspring.

Those who wouldn't want to be sat next to a (related) child - how is it different from being sat next to a related adult that you may not have much in common with? Most people find they're more interested in talking to some family members than others, and it's easier to make conversation with some people for reasons including interests/opinions etc, but part of big family gatherings is being able to adjust your conversation style so you can chat to anyone, isn't it? The people describing it as babysitting/having to entertain them - what exactly are you having to do that's different from sitting next to an adult?

I don't have a huge amount in common with my teenage nieces & nephews, but I can chat to them over the course of a meal, because they're my family. Same with older family members in their 80s.

Does your sister actually have one of the kids day next to her ?

I am going to guess that when they go out for meals with their parents, these children know how to behave in a restaurant.

We have all lost sight of what families used to do, i come from a massive family, and we always mixed things up - when we were all together for a wedding or something we often had a teenage cousins table for after the main course, and the next age group down sometimes had a completely separate table, but we didn't banish their parents to that wasteland, they joined in with all of us having a conversation, and sometimes the older cousins helped with the younger ones, and sometimes the mad uncles/aunts. I remember my great aunt teaching us how to swear like troopers at my cousin's wedding. Such fun.

what exactly are you having to do that's different from sitting next to an adult?

Limit the conversation. No, I don't mean I would otherwise be swearing and talking about sex. But young children don't have the maturity or life experience to talk on equal terms with adults. Last restaurant meal I went to, topics of conversation included bereavement, illness, care for an elderly relative, renovation work on a property, professional interests.... things that had happened to the other people present since I last saw them, that I wanted to hear about, but which would be beyond the understanding of a young child, and frankly boring for them.

The kids are probably very bored too! I love all my aunts and uncles but we always had a kids' end of the table with my cousins and it was much more fun than boring adult conversations about car financing, job woes and disputes with the neighbours! 😅

@MissRoseDurward that's a fair point, but equally I'd expect there would be several other factors that could limit the conversation, and at a family gathering I might need to circulate/seek people out to have those conversations. So I wouldn't necessarily see it as that different to be sat next to a child who only wants to talk about Pokémon than being sat next to Cousin Bob talking about golf when I really want to ask Aunt Susan about her new job. To me, that's just part of the nature of family gatherings (and I might try to steer the conversation away from Pokémon if I can).

Teenagers are a different matter though. My DD is 6 and reasonably well behaved but there’ll still be mum can you cut this up for me and mum I dropped my napkin and a monologue about the plot of Frozen 2 and then she’ll want to play I spy… I’m happy sitting next to her as she’s my kid but you can’t pretend it’s the same as sitting next to a small adult 😂

I wouldn't expect the kids to be shoved at the end of the table, but I certainly would expect them to be sitting with their own parents and for their own parents to be responsible for keeping an eye on them. It's a bit shit to spread them around with random adults who then have to spend the entire meal engaging with them and not being able to join in any adult conversation.

My opinion depends on how much of the time is dictated by the meal.

I have four young children. Yes, they monopolize conversation with mundane topics and require help with food or going to the loo. I generally assume that relatives will want/be willing to spend some time indulging that. But that they will also want to have other conversation. We often aim for somewhere like a pub with a garden. The meal is eaten together, and then some (usually the men it seems) head out to supervise children with a drink while others stay inside.

I can we its annoying if you only get to speak to a 5yo.

I've spent the last 17 years entertaining my own kids at meals out. Theve just come to an age where they dont want to come out or will happily sit with me and I can now enjoy a meal out with adult conversation. I would be well unimpressed if I got sat next to a young child that I was expected to entertain. She needs to look after her own children when out, not push them onto others so she can relax!