Eating out with kids

[wantnoscrubs]

Whenever we get together as a family at a restaurant, my sister insists on spreading her four kids around the dinner table. Her theory is that it's not fun or fair for them to be shoved on the end and this way all the adults share the load of entertaining them,. This was the case as our aunts 70th birthday meal recently and I just cringed as there were no family members there. No one ever says anything and it's so awkward. We have a family wedding coming up and will be eating together with the bride and groom on the run up to the wedding and I just dread the moment they all spread around the table. They are very lively and chatty kids and won't just sit there quietly. They are aged between 5-8 - AIBU?

Oh this is a genius idea - I always get left with the kids at family dos (some of them are mine admittedly). I'm going to start plonking them down next to random relatives and letting them learn about pokemon.

I'm afraid I agree with this. However much I love my young nephews and nieces I wouldn't want to spend a whole meal entertaining them, and certainly not children I don't know.

Kids can’t help but take over a conversation/situation.

I work with kids and have my own but wouldn’t want to be sat next to a random chatty kid for dinner.

Childcare is effort.

I’d love to send my kids off to sit with whoever while I enjoyed my dinner and some wine in peace, but I can’t because they’re my responsibility!

She’s cheeky AF - But tbf I can imagine that by the time you have four, you stop caring what people think and just do whatever helps you survive!

Yep. I do not want to go to my aunt's 70th birthday dinner and have to spend the meal entertaining my "chatty" 6 year old niece because her parents can't be arsed.

I think her children are probably better behaved because they have had the opportunity to do this.

Also... Four kids between age 5-8??? If she does, give her a break. I'd rather have kids mixed in with adults than at the end of the table being loud on ipads.

I’d hate this, other people’s DC including nieces and nephews are boring and if I’m paying a lot of money for a meal I want to choose who I’m sitting next to.

Oh, I don't know. I think it would be quite an occasion if God was dining in the restaurant. And presumably you wouldn't need to buy any wine.

They are family gathering, so I don’t see the harm in the kids being integrated with the group. Siblings tend to be worse behaved when seated together in my experience.

Fuck no. She needs to get a babysitter or send apologies. I wouldn't entertain any kid sat next to me, especially if I wasn't related to them or even if

The other way to look at it is that their mum (and dad if on the scene) is equally deserving of a little bit of adult conversation and it's everyone's job at a family event to share the load with the children. And if they're well behaved (which presumably they are otherwise she'd be too mortified to spread them out away from her) then it's a chance for them to actually learn about conversation from someone else.

It's really good for the kids AND for the parents. This is what families are about - sharing wisdom and kindness. Let the poor mum have a glass of wine and a chat about something, anything, else other than peppa bleedin' pig.

Fair enough for me as I'm her sister, but what about for example, our 80 year old great uncle, or in the case of a few weeks time, our cousin (the groom) and his bride to be?

I’m with your SIL - I have 3 DC and DH and I always get sat at the end of the table with them (or even worse, on a separate table) for big family meals out. We don’t get to speak with anyone else and essentially pay over the odds to have a lunch out with our own kids. I really resent it tbh.

Our DC are perfectly well behaved and chatty.

As a parent you assume that aunts, uncles and grandparents love your children and want to spend time with them, what's she's doing here is perfectly normal and far preferable than sitting them at the end of the table disengaged and with their devices.

With friends it's a little different, especially if said friends don't have kids of their own. In this case I wouldn't be thrilled because I'm far less interested in spending time with friends children than I am with my nieces and nephews.

All the adults share the load of entertaining them

This part went right through me, how entitled of their mum to think that other adults want to entertain their kids. Also I don’t get why she thinks it isn’t “fair or fun” for the kids to all be together. Surely they would much prefer to all be together.

They don't really play together much, they like a lot of adult 1:1 time in general

If it’s all family it’s a good idea. Children are humans too, don’t need to sit on a special table at the end like a different species.

with non family members I can see how this is harder as the adult doesn’t know the child etc but granny or auntie should be able to talk to their child relative easily

I think it's cheeky expecting other people to entertain/chat to your children when they're having a meal! Not everyone likes or is comfortable with small children. I always sat my children with me - it's my job to keep an eye on them, no-one else's!

OP could you say to your DSis you really want to catch up with uncle Graham and nanny Janny so will be sitting with them. Your DSis can’t be in charge of where everyone sits, she isn’t hosting and paying.

It would annoy me having to spend a meal out having to sit and chat to a child that wasn’t mine or I wasn’t related all the way through. that my personal opinion as I am not really interested in other people kids.

I could, she tends to try and get to the table first and tells the kids to each spread out and find a random seat, and then we all sit around them.

How often does this happen? Weekly? Monthly? 3 times a year?

Do other family members care?

Nothing wrong with inter generational interaction, which is actually very beneficial for the whole society.never like when kids are treated as a different,unbearable class of people. They get to chat with older people and learn from them about having conversations,and older adults might gain some fun conversations as well.
If it doesn't affect you leave it,if someone else isn't keen it's up to them to say something. But I suspect it's more in your head. Adults won't die if they miss a few minutes of conversation with other adults which they have all the time anyway.

Every 6 weeks/ couple of months or so?

Mom mutters something about the kids sitting together but it usually goes unnoticed

Christ there's some outrageous entitlement in some of the comments here.

I'm nobodies babysitter and like fuck am I going to entertain and look after a family members child at a birthday dinner or similar because their parents can't be arsed or feel entitled to adult conversation. If you choose to have children you have to accept that you'll probably have to compromise a fair bit on what you can do and how you can do it.

It's rude as fuck to just expect other people to be happy to parent your children for you.

Sitting next to a child is hardly parenting them 🤣