To not bother with Christmas

[MissDollyMix]

First world problem here, I appreciate that. Interested to know if anyone else feels the same way? I used to adore Christmas but the past few years it’s just felt more and more like a chore and less and less enjoyable. This year I’ve been so busy with work and life that I haven’t had a chance to put the Christmas decorations up. The DC are older now, once they’d got their grubby mitts on their advent calendars they don’t seem bothered with the rest. No one has asked where the Christmas tree or decorations are. Now I’ve dragged everything out of the garage and put on a Christmas movie but no one is interested in helping me and I’m just exhausted with life! I really can’t be bothered. Christmas used to feel so magical but now? It’s just another chore. I always organise everything. All the special Christmas days out, the presents, the food. I just can’t face it anymore and I’m wondering if I didn’t do it, would anyone step in? Would anyone actually notice? Would anyone even care? I’m so over bearing this so-called ‘mother load.’ AIBU?

I'd give others a bit of notice that you'd appreciate their help with it. Put on a Christmas film and some mince pies etc and make it fun!

How old are the kids?

Would it please you to put the tree and deca up? If it's for older kids who are being stroppy don't bother till they show some gratitude for all you do all bloody year round! It can feel like just another chore otherwise

If you don’t put them up you won’t have to take them down. Win win.

How old are the kids, they need to get engaged. Maybe ask them what they want to do, what christmas things you can do together, maybe plan a day or evening. Give them each an area to decorate.

It depends how old the kids are, older like 8 or 9 or older like 12 or 13?
I get the general malaise about it all, it definitely doesn't feel magical anymore (my kids are 18 and 14 and don't even surface until mid morning these days!) but I've put the decs up as always because I want the kids to remember our traditions and enjoy this time of year, you can guarantee if you don't do it the kids will remember 'the year mum didn't put the decorations up ' even if you are lit up like Blackpool illuminations for the other 17 years of their childhood!!

Lots of very valid points. You’re all so right! DC are (a very precocious) 11 and 14. I’ve always gone all out to make Christmas magical for them but I’m suddenly wondering why? I won’t lie, I really miss the days of having little ones around at Christmas.

I think at those ages you really have to instruct them on what you need them to do - one puts the tree up whilst the other puts up decorations. They are at that age where they need telling and instructing or nothing gets done.

They are not going to 'remember' the magical Christmas you created for them when they were 3 or 5, they are definitely going to remember the next few Christmases though.....We seem to do it all backwards, we go all out when they are tiny (and pretty much clueless) and then as they get to their teens it seems less important somehow.

Do you have a DP? If so then they're the problem, not Christmas because I'd be willing to bet that if you're domestically overworked and underappreciated at Christmas it's the same all year round.

Sounds like they are just growing up.

Just pare everything right back to the bare minimum amount of work, focus on the day itself - which always feels special, no matter how old you are - and enjoy it for what it is.

The more you build up your expectations the worse it will make you feel.

Tell them. 'Gosh, it's been busy hasn't it? I thought next Friday night we could get a pizza and put the tree up. '
Get them involved, they aren't doing it because you always have. They just don't know what the expectation is. It can be different without being worse.

They will be feeding off your mood, if you can't be arsed why would they be?

These are the memorable years, the ones they will remember the traditions and memories, but you don't want to make them? Fine. But don't expect your adult children to come and visit the house with miserable memories.

I think the current trend is to have your decorations up a month before Christmas and go on trips to 'make memories' but there's nothing wrong with keeping things simple and getting started nearer to Christmas.

Maybe set the tree up today and leave the baubles etc nearby and suggest the kids start putting a few on when they feel like it. No reason why you have to have all the decorations up in one day.

As for Christmas dinner, you could ask the kids if they want a roast this year or to do something different. If they want a traditional dinner there's nothing wrong with buying premade everything if that takes some of the pressure off. I always like the idea of doing lots of Christmas baking, make my own Christmas cake etc etc but the reality is the dark December days really sap my energy!

I'm not bothering with a tree or decorations this year. Can't be arsed. It's been a slow winding down for the last four years, last year I went away somewhere warm with DC.

As @LadyHester says, it'll be a win win with not having to take them down again. Apart from sentimental items I've given away all my decorations to the charity shop too.

Just tell them if they want the tree up they help (or do it themselves)?

I think Christmas changes as the kids get older but you can find new ways of making it magical.

our eldest lives in her own house now but every year she comes home for an evening and her and her sister put the tree up and hang the decorations, we get take away and play games and it’s just a wonderful evening. It means the world to me that the girls have this new tradition.

could you ask your kids to get involved? Pass them the responsibility of the tree/decs? Maybe they don’t realise it’s a chore for you these days?

I'll be a way for Christmas, so for the pre travel get togethers in my house I just throw a few battery fairy lights around the place, and get a couple of cinnamon reed diffusers.

No tree, no decos, nothing else. It does look nice with the main lights off have to say, and takes five minutes! No kids here of the magical age, so it works.

OP, if anyone complains, hand them the boxes of stuff to decorate with.

Stop trying to make magic and memories - because basically unless you're Merlin you can't. Put a few decs up, buy some nice food (but not over the top) and "do" Christmas. Just don't exhaust yourself and have unrealistic expectations over it. I've been guilty of this, not just for my son but my mother too, and quite frankly it's not worth the mental load. No-one was ever as ecstatic as I wanted them to be or in comparison to the amount of effort I'd put in. Then I began to chill and, to a degree, not care so much. Things have been much better since.

The thing is we loved putting the tree up and having music on, my own kids don’t care! It’s weird!!

I don’t even attempt the decorations unless someone asks or volunteers to help these days.

im certainly not doing it for me!

Don't be so sure. My 5 year old remembers far too much of last year, and is expecting nothing less this year. What have I started?! 🤔

At this age you need to instruct and delegate!!

They'll enjoy it and you'll all feel great afterwards.

Oh gosh I hear you on that. I haven't baked any of my usual things this year, and now with such a short time to go probably won't get around to it. There doesn't seem to have been much build up; it has absolutely flown!

I remember the year I asked my kids to do the tree for me. They'll have been about 14, 13, 11, 9 and 8. The arguing and fighting was probably audible seven counties away. Maybe ask one to do the tree and the other to do decorations or something (of course, if they work well together they can both do the tree. My kids did NOT work well together at all).

Ask them what they'd like to eat for Christmas and ask them to make a food list. Every little helps, and all that.

I think you should have the Christmas that makes all of you happiest. If that’s a low key run up and a Chinese takeaway in the day, do that. I don’t understand why so many people persist in trying to do “traditional” Christmas things and feeling aggrieved at them not being appreciated and run themselves ragged making a full roast dinner only to get upset when nobody raves about any of it. Just change your traditions!

we tend to do it when they're little because they are excited and want to do it at that age. by the time they are tweens and teens like my 2 they just moan and pull their faces that they cannot be bothered, making it pointless and unenjoyable for everyone anyway. lovely to see them excited when they're little.

Our children are now adults and they’ve always both been Christmas lovers . At the end of the day it is your house and they are your children so you are the influencing factor .