To not bother with Christmas

[MissDollyMix]

First world problem here, I appreciate that. Interested to know if anyone else feels the same way? I used to adore Christmas but the past few years it’s just felt more and more like a chore and less and less enjoyable. This year I’ve been so busy with work and life that I haven’t had a chance to put the Christmas decorations up. The DC are older now, once they’d got their grubby mitts on their advent calendars they don’t seem bothered with the rest. No one has asked where the Christmas tree or decorations are. Now I’ve dragged everything out of the garage and put on a Christmas movie but no one is interested in helping me and I’m just exhausted with life! I really can’t be bothered. Christmas used to feel so magical but now? It’s just another chore. I always organise everything. All the special Christmas days out, the presents, the food. I just can’t face it anymore and I’m wondering if I didn’t do it, would anyone step in? Would anyone actually notice? Would anyone even care? I’m so over bearing this so-called ‘mother load.’ AIBU?

It’s probably time to start changing your Christmas traditions. Kids at their age aren’t into the magic but that doesn’t mean that they don’t want to celebrate. It sounds like they are starting to make their preferences known such as not traveling to your in laws.

Things like days out and events also become less important, so don’t those anymore. My family shifted to doing an early December super fancy dinner together at a nice restaurant. It was a good way to ‘start’ the season and provided way more memories than yet another boring traditional outing geared toward little kid ‘magic’.

really at this age growing up it was more about low key spending time together than magic.

I had a sit down with my kids when they were teens and we made a list of what they wanted by way of decorations and food. It was a lot less fuss and effort than I had been putting in but we all appreciate what we do.
My eldest now in his 20s, has bought a tree for the last few years and leads on decorating it.

The OP said:

All the special Christmas days out, the presents, the food. I just can’t face it anymore and I’m wondering if I didn’t do it, would anyone step in? Would anyone actually notice? Would anyone even care?

So it isn't just decorations and days out, it is food and presents - basically everything a parent usually does at Christmas. And no, probably nobody else would step in but would you expect them to?

I've already said my suggestion is put the tree up (it really doesn't take much time or effort), buy the Christmas food ready made, shop online or give money. It doesn't have to be fancy, and it will be easier for her to face it if she strips it down and stops expecting her kids to be excited about doing the tree etc

no, probably nobody else would step in but would you expect them to?

Yeah, her partner should. At least. Of course she's fed up.

I think the OP would find similar. The beauty of the conversation is when they express something is important to them they’ve signed on to help ! You want special Christmas waffles, great, be down at 7 to help me!

I remember Christmas morphing from what was important to us kids into what was important to my mum. (Which is how I found myself freezing my ass off lighting a billion luminaries in below freezing temps every Christmas Eve she loved those bastard things). I feel like it was the natural progression of things as we all got older.

it also helped me carry on some of the traditions, I knew her recipes because I made them as a kid, I loved a quiet Christmas Eve with decadent food and drink so I carried that forward, etc.

My dc are adults now but we've always kept Christmas quite short and simple. Tree up the weekend before, comes down after NY. Few mince pies in the run up but basically Xmas Eve/Xmas Day/BD are it - and they feel really festive. They always enjoyed it, look forward to it now, but it is low key and relaxed. dd was terrified of Father Christmas so we never went big on him , certainly no big Christmas days out in case he was lurking😀.

Honestly, I would give yourself a break. DO the things that everyone enjoys the most over the few days of Christmas itself and keep it simple and easy on you otherwise. It does change as they get older - they have friends, exams, jobs....

This is why I think it’s a good idea to make Christmas less about the nuclear family and more about seeing lots of wider family. Although Christmas is of course magical with little ones, they grow up pretty fast. When I was a teenager what kept Christmas special was getting to spend time with my cousins and seeing my aunts and uncles etc. Things that would be horrifically mortifying if I was only doing it with my parents was somehow still ok if my (slightly older) cousins were doing it too.

OP can you invite some family/friends round, crack out the mulled wine and Christmas music and get on with putting the tree up? You might find the ‘tweens join in if you are all having a blast.

It was my parents generation that never had the tree up until Christmas Eve. The magic of a decorated house being part of the Christmas excitement.
It's the expectation that starts in bloody October that's wearing.

We do Airbnbs now and go and visit the grandparents. It's a nice long road trip so feels exciting. Whatever decorations you want at home knowing you won't actually see them over Christmas. Pack all food you need, so no endless nipping to the shops everyday for bits just in case. Somewhere new to explore and then home ( which has always a nice feeling).

I’d love to have more family around- when I was young this was one of the most magical parts of Christmas. Sadly other than my own DC and DH, literally the only other family member I have is my DM- who is great but lives round the corner and the DC see her all the time and so it’s not special for them when she comes over, she’s over all the time! DH’s family all live on the other side of the country- 5/6 hours away. Friends are great but we’re all so busy at this time of year.

I’m definitely getting the vibe of 1) make Christmas fun and 2) let DC guide what they want to do. It’s just they don’t seem to be very up for anything. Oh well. I’ve planned and booked some stuff. The tree is up. The presents are bought. Yes, I do wish DH would get a bit more involved.

But she is the one who wants all the palaver. She is angry with her children and husband for not wanting the days out and the magic and the Christmas movies. But that stuff is really for her, not for them. It would be reasonable for her to say "I'll do the tree, you order the food from M&S", but not to expect her husband to deliver a laborious magical Christmas that pleases 25% of the family.

At those ages you need to tell them they are doing x or y to help rather than asking them. Mine would always help if asked but not necessarily at the drop of a hat because they were in some gaming group thing and couldn't stop because they didn't want to let the others down. Watching a Christmas movie was definitely not something they wanted to do by then unless it was their idea!

I’m not angry! Far from it. Just exhausted (as so many of us are at this time of year) and questioning what the point of absolutely busting a gut to make a ‘magical’ Christmas for everyone if no one is actually into it. I think it’s hard for the DC - school breaks up so late this year and I think they can’t really feel properly Christmassy until that happens.

"Grubby mitts"? Assumed your kids were much older from what you've described, mine are the same age and whilst no Santa obviously, Christmas is still very much loved here, DH gets involved though.

Good for you! Have a gold star.

Have a gold star

Already got one, on the tree

My friend does a slow Xmas and I’ve adopted it as it stops it all feeling like a chore.

day one: bedding, pillows, blankets, xmas cups etc.

day two: tree

day three: lights etc (not done this year as it keeps raining in the days I assign!)

We had a huge tree for several years and it was good fun when my DS would help. When he stopped and I did it for 2 years on my own (hours to put up, hours to take down) I then knocked it on the head. We then had a minimalist tree that didn't take long to put up. Then one year it was just some lights and a tree ornament. I don't plan to do much this year although I love a decorated tree. Like the OP I'm shattered.

But our tree is only up for 2 weeks. I then use New Year's Day to scrub and put away.

I feel that way this year. I've always been someone that absolutely loves Christmas. I just feel it's come too quick and I don't have enough time. I'm also really busy at work even though I work part time. We've had so much on every wkend too and again until Christmas now.

I've had youngest DD birthday and party to deal with at start of December. I have one tree up in the living room (only coz the kids nipped my head for it) they are 5 and 7. The other one in the playroom is sat at window built up with no lights or decorations 🙈 DH did the outside lights at the wkend least something I dont deal with!

The last few yrs I've also made the Christmas dinner as we no longer get invited anywhere. Parents refusing to host but least we aren't hosting this year it's just us. I'm trying to get in to it and not stress. Mums really are the magic of Christmas!!!

I swear next yr I'm gonny start buying presents super early (for family anyway) not the kids they change their minds too much!

How was your Christmas in the end @MissDollyMix? I let go of the reins this year for various reasons. Fortunately picked up by a relative which was a lovely relief, it was much appreciated. Not that they went all out, we all had a quiet chilled one but it was nice knowing they understood.

I dont celebrate xmas I dont allow xmas trimmings lunch or cards no xmas tree either the thing is it's getting more like a head ache for me all I do is buy few xmas cards with some money inside each card for friends and family. I find xmas to overwhelmed feeling dont like the fuss of it it's to much in shops everything's so expensive now food presents etc I just no longer bother for good few years now it's just another day for me. I hate the run up to xmas and everything involved with it one big commercial

Im not a fan of Christmas either and feel very much like you. I hate how Christmas goes on for weeks now and we can't escape it. The pressure of Christmas causes me huge anxiety. I also wouldn't celebrate it at all if I didn't have dc and my mother.
Bloody hate Christmas, roll on January!

Mine are around your childrens age and some bit older and I give them notice . I say this Saturday its Christmas tree/decoration time. You are all helping . No choice .
It is a lot of work and they need to learn to do it all and appreciate the hard work that goes into Christmas.
Then i put Christmas music on and try to make it fun.
They do try and escape and given the choice probably would just put a couple of things on the tree then make quick exists to do other things.

Agree and your house will be neater and tidier.

I find I'm more likely to do a deep clean before and after Christmas decorations. We don't have a real tree though, so no pine needles to contend with. I decorate a lot indoors with my children being young. When they, and I am older, I will probably just do the tree.