AIBU or are all MIL’s intolerable?

[SunnyPinkMouse]

I’ll be honest, I simply cannot stand my MIL. I find it so hard to be in her company. I think she is the most miserable person I have ever met. Even her own daughter said the same. She’s just such a negative person and no matter what you say, she has a negative outlook.
What annoys me the most is that she is a poor role model for my other half. She doesn’t encourage him, inspire him, or even out right suggest/advise him. She just lets him drift and now I have to take on this man who whilst I love dearly, is lazy and totally lacks motivation for anything in life. I’m the opposite and I am finding it hard recently to not let him or her rub off on me.
I don’t know if it should make a difference but they are Italian and I am not. My other half was born in England but very much an Italian.

now I have to take on this man who whilst I love dearly, is lazy and totally lacks motivation for anything in life

Jesus wept. If you ‘take on’ a useless, lazy man you’ve got nobody to blame but yourself!

Actually, are you in contact with your DM? Surely by your logic, your mother is to blame for your low standard in choosing a partner.

You don't have to take him on OP. That's on you.

Yabu

Why is your thread title about all MILs when your gripe is about one specific individual?

Why do you blae her for your partner's personality flaws? Is his father perfect? Is it never the case that people have personality flaws that are entirely self-generated and which their parents didn't cause or encourage?

My MIL is a basically nice person with enough personality quirks to be interesting, and we get on well enough for a maximum of 5 days after which I need my personal space back. The same is true of my own mother and numerous other women I know who will be someone else's MIL one day. Women who are old enough to have a child in a serious relationship are all as varied as any other group of people and will contain many who are perfectly lovely and some who are a nightmare to get on with, ang all points in between.

The prevalence of MIL jokes is mainly cultural misogyny - ones MIL is generally the main female person that one isn't genetically linked to that one gets to spend a lot of time with, so they become the focus of all the rage against women in general, repackaged in thr form of comedy.

You might as well start a thread titled "AIBU or are all people called Geoff intolerable?" based on your experience of one person.

I have one like that too op so you have my sympathies. Mine lives over an hour away and we only see her once every few months as she doesn’t like driving.

Mine wanted to move closer to us.. she put her house in the market, booked a viewing for a house up the road, didn’t like it and took her house off the market 😂
She didn’t even wait to look at others. Now every phone call she whinges that she wishes she lived closer.

My DH says she drove two husbands and DH away because of her constant whinging and negativity. There was no encouragement for DH growing up.

Mine looks at the negatives in everything. My kids do well in their extra curricular activities and I get negative comments. My DD once had a competition 4 hours away and she was panicking because I had to drive the distance alone, how will I manage, what about the cost, erm I’ll get in my car and drive. I’m 43 and a confident driver.

I get on well with her but she can be draining at times. She means no harm.shes very anxious and she grew up with no father and very little money in a very remote area. They were quite poor so I guess the idea of us spending a big chunk of our income on our kids activities is alien to her. She’s very frugal

My MIL was a wonderful woman, I miss her greatly.

Have you been forced into this relationship against your will? There are agencies that can help.

My MIL is wonderful so yes YABU

You're quite right. Any woman becomes intolerable as soon as her adult child gets a partner, or when she hits 49 - there are no exceptions at all. Hope you're getting ready for your turn OP!

Mine was awful and often told me that I wasn't good enough for her son, thankfully my DDs is adorable.

MIL and DIL is an important relationship and does affect your future happiness.
If I had known how difficult MIL would make my life (for 18years) I would have walked away and found a different man to marry.

Yeh mine is intolerable too but I've been NC for 2 years and life is much better. Even wen DH goes to see her (alone) he has a miserable time.
I think I do emphasise with you. I find my MIL did everything for DH growing up that when we met as an adult he didn't know how to do anything for himself and even when we lived together initially when MIL came round she would try to take his washing home with her. She really is from a different age/planet. She also never told DH off as a kid and let him do and have what ever he wanted. Led him to believe he could do whatever he wanted and that he was always right. So consequently now it's no surprise to find he has been diagnosed with various mental health issues and a personality disorder linked to his upbringing. I will add his father plays a part too but yes parents are responsible for shaping their kids.

Both my MILs were awful people! The 1st was a compulsive liar who used and abused everyone around her and the 2nd was a stone cold insecure witch! I try to be the complete opposite to my Dils and my Sil!

I don't think I could have written a more unreasonable post if I'd tried. Is 11% YANBU a bit high for contrarians?

What annoys me the most is that she is a poor role model for my other half. She doesn’t encourage him, inspire him, or even out right suggest/advise him. She just lets him drift and now I have to take on this man who whilst I love dearly, is lazy and totally lacks motivation for anything in life.

On the off chance that this is serious - date an adult, OP.

My MIL is a miserable, negative cunt too. Fortunately my DH isn't and finds her draining too.

Are you a wonderful daughter-in-law though?
Anyone who uses that horrible word against another woman doesn’t sound to be sweetness and light!

YAB spectacularly unreasonable.

Why did you choose to marry a useless man? You must have realised what he was like.

Lol I was waiting for this, blame the DIL.

She is a cunt ... There's a reason she's fallen out with multiple family members and several of her 'friends'! It's well and truly justified, she's a vile human. What normal woman makes comments about not being a proper grandmother until her other child eventually has children?! Vile.

The majority of women will be a MIL at some point. So unless you're asking if all women are intolerable...

Don't blame a woman for your poor choice in men or for his poor behaviour. Examine your own internalised misogyny, then decide what you're going to do about it.

You sound a pretty negative miserable person yourself. Just because your husband’s mother doesn’t motivate him doesn’t mean he can’t motivate himself.
Have you ever tried to get to know her and about her life there maybe reasons why she’s this way
Also bit of a sweeping statement to ask if all mother in laws are intolerable how many mother in laws have you had 🙄

You both sound delightful!

Marry a useless turd, that's what you get. Don't blame the nearest women.

Don’t blame other people for your bad decisions. Who do you think you are? He doesn’t need saving, rescuing or managing, least of all by someone who despises him.

Grow up.

OP people have asked you does he not have a father, and you won't respond. Why not?

You too and you've lovely manners x