AIBU or are all MIL’s intolerable?

[SunnyPinkMouse]

I’ll be honest, I simply cannot stand my MIL. I find it so hard to be in her company. I think she is the most miserable person I have ever met. Even her own daughter said the same. She’s just such a negative person and no matter what you say, she has a negative outlook.
What annoys me the most is that she is a poor role model for my other half. She doesn’t encourage him, inspire him, or even out right suggest/advise him. She just lets him drift and now I have to take on this man who whilst I love dearly, is lazy and totally lacks motivation for anything in life. I’m the opposite and I am finding it hard recently to not let him or her rub off on me.
I don’t know if it should make a difference but they are Italian and I am not. My other half was born in England but very much an Italian.

Apparently so.

Or ...?

Yabu, and you don't have to fix him, it's not women's job to fix men.

1. Why would you think all MILs are the same?
2. Why are you with this lazy man? That's on you.
3. It's not the mothers fault this man is lazy

Delusions of grandeur is what I imagine you to be like after reading your OP!

@SunnyPinkMouse , it sounds like your MIL is quite an unattractive personality but your partner is an adult and responsible for his own behaviour.
I have two DILs who I love to bits. They make my sons happy and are fabulous mummies to my grandchildren. We all have lots of fun and enjoy our times together. I’d hope they’d say I was a decent MIL and I hope others will come along to tell you they get along with theirs.
Talk to your partner and tell him how you feel about his attitudes, it’s very unhealthy for a relationship to harbour such negative feelings towards someone.

I've had 3 MiLs. One contributed massively to the failure of the marriage, and was and still is a rancid malevolent hag. One was ok, but didn't like that I had children already, and made a massive difference between "mine" and "ours", even when DH loves them all, and they are all his children. Things like great likes of gifts for "ours" and a tiny selection box for "mine" at Xmas etc.
Once I cottoned on, I just ignored her totally, DH took "his" dc to visit sometimes, and I just never went. Ignored her til she died then went to the funeral to support DH and make sure she was actually dead
My middle MiL was an absolute sweetheart. She had a very hard life, pretty much useless children, and was still always lovely. I genuinely miss her. She sadly died during covid (of something that, had she been able to see a doctor sooner, could have been treated) and I couldn't go to her funeral, but I stood outside to pay my respects.
It's not whether someone is a MiL, some people are lovely, and some are just vile.
Just don't engage with the vile.

No they are not all horrible.
Mine was wonderful. I loved her very much and still miss her.

She raised my husband to be the man he is today. She was a true feminist and stood for none of that boys will be boys bullshit. I followed her example raising my own sons.

Plus she was so funny. Cheeky and mischievous.

Your mum.is a MIL too. What do you think about her?

My MIL is great and so is my DH.

One day I hope to be a great MIL.

If you don't like your MIL just see her less. If you don't like your DH don't be with him.

This is all about you having made an awful choice and now not being able to fix it. Enjoy.

My MIL is also unbearably miserable. All she does is moan, moan, moan. Nothing is ever any good, unless it's come from her in which case it's amazing.

No, I love my MIL. I'm sure she doesn't agree with everything we do but she's always supportive without being interfering.

And OP, trying to change a man is a mug's game. If you're with a lazy Mummy's boy, that's just who he is and what you've chosen.

YABVVVU. Not all MILs are awful. I have 2 and they are both lovely.

Find it hard to believe that you 'live your husband dearly' but believe he is as useless as you say.

Another tale as old as time …
Perhaps if your MIL was more encouraging, had higher expectations of her DS you’d think she was bossy?
Either way all MILs are not dreadful, such a ridiculous thing to suggest.
Your DP should take responsibility for himself and you should stop blaming his mother for his shortcomings.

Well, if you think most women over 50 are intolerable you might have a point.

Men who are a carbon copy of their mothers are hard work ... run (away) don't walk ... this will never get better

What do you mean op that your mil "lets" your DH drift? Is he not an adult with a mind of his own?

Mine's nice. Why would you pick a lazy man and then blame it on his mother? Nobody made you choose him!

How old are you? Do not marry this lazy man!!

So you are blaming another woman for your life decision to get with an unmotivated, lazy, man-child...okkkaaayyy...
However she brought him up, it's his decision to behave that way. Unless he is intellectually disadvantaged, it's his decision to act that way as an adult. As is your decision to be with him.

You married your other half knowing who he is, you can't now blame your MIL. You not liking her is a separate issue.

What would you ask as all MILs intolerable?! Course they aren't. They are all different people. Some day you might be a MIL. Weird question.

Just checking - you CHOSE to be with him, right? Like you weren't forced?

No, not all MIL’s are. I’m lucky to have a lovely, supportive MIL.

You only usually hear of the nightmare MiLs on here.
My MiL was lovely, alas she died too young. With an all-boy family of her own, I think she was very grateful for anyone who’d take the slightest interest in e.g. her new kitchen curtains! She never interfered or over-stepped.

My DD’s MiL is lovely, too.