AIBU or does anyone else thinks that most (not all) men are inherently lazy?

[SunnyPinkMouse]

as I get older I am becoming more intolerable to men. I think they’re lazy. I think they are mummy’s boys. They get out of helping. They get out of doing a lot of things. They just do what they want to do. Why? Is it because their mums let them get away with this growing up and so they continue this way and then expect their wives to replace their mum?

I think that my DH is lazy. He will do what he wants to do, and that’s that.
He will say that he does the gardening, but he just mows the lawn. He doesn’t weed the flower beds, trim back the bushes, or weed between the paving slabs.

Is there anything that isn’t our fault, I wonder?

I've never seen a lazy man who wasn't being enabled by a martyr. Either their mother or wife.

It's a popular dynamic on my parents age group at least.

I'm not blaming the women, not many have the fortitude to just live in filth or leave their dc neglected to prove a point.

No. My husband is the least lazy person I know. He can have his moments of laziness but so do I.
My father and brothers were all also just normal, certainly not what I’d describe as lazy.

My DH’s favourite saying is that he just doesn’t see the dirt like I do. So you can’t see your piss and pubic hairs on the toilet rim when you lift the toilet seat? Yeah, whatever.

There was a study done during lockdown that proved this my partner and I took part. It was really interesting.

This first part is DH to a point and also not only does he be able to do the jobs he wants to do but gets to do them when he wants to do them. So I have an absolute pile of laundry that has to be put away which has to wait because I have two small children who need their dinner and then I have to clear up from this but DH can skip out to cut back a bramble at the bottom of the garden where no one goes. And then gets very cross if I get annoyed with him for doing so.

Again, this is DH. He genuinely thinks he spends all his free time cleaning.

Yes, and different motivations. They are not lazy when it's something they think men should get praised for eg scoring a goal or work success.

I assume you don't have sons @SunnyPinkMouse otherwise I'm afraid to tell you that you're the problem.
DH and ds1 aren't lazy, ds2 and I (a woman) can be. You might as well have said "boys will be boys" or some other sexist regressive shit. Haven't we moved beyond this?

In terms of society, the bar is set very low for men and often little is expected of them. People often talk about men as helping with the children and housework as opposed to them sharing the load / responsibilities. Nobody has ever asked my DP if I am babysitting when he goes out, but I’ve been asked on several occasions oh is DP babysitting tonight…

Now DH lived with his previous gf and she chose not to work. Not sure why, no dc, but it meant that she did absolutely everything. I was extremely clear when we starting talking about moving in together that that would not be the case with me. I worked long hours too and had zero interest in washing his pants! If he wanted clean ones, he could wash them himself.
After a couple of false starts (him asking where is my blue gant shirt and me replying I don’t know, where is my red Borden top and him looking at me blankly 🤣🤣) he got the hang of it. 20 years on and he still pulls his weight in all things household related.

You definitely get lazy peopele of both sexes, but more men are like that judging from my life experience. I once had a job that involved visiting people in their house, sometimes I would visit couples where it was obvious that both were lazy (houses were total shitholes).

I agree OP, not all men are inherently lazy.

My partner works full time and is also right now my full time carer. Makes all the meals, does all the washing. The jobs I do have I sometimes cannot do during a bad day, and he'll take them on without being asked too - just from seeing me unwell in the mornings. He physically helps me around the house when i cant walk well so I can at least get up and down stairs on those days (cant afford rails for the house yet). Goes out and does the shopping. Even manages my doctors appointments when I can't.

He will, effectively, do everything for however long he needs and not once has he complained. I bring it up often, out of guilt obviously and concern for his stress and energy levels, and he just says he loves me and we're a team, and he's happy to do these things. He says its not stressful, just extra things to do.

So no, I don't think they are inherently lazy. I think a lot of men are lazy because their mothers didn't expect more of them and their fathers taught them that women should do everything thats unpaid - I think it's nurture, not nature.

My partner was and is loved and spoiled awfully by his adoring parents, but they also raised him to be independent, proactive and caring towards others. I'm in awe of them actually, they raised two very lovely 10/10 sons who make fantastic partners now (my DPs brother is the same). Seems very rare. But proof its possible!

I know lazy men and women, but i also know many women who have created monsters by doing everything from day 1 and now years down the line it's become the norm - i don't understand why some women put up with it, honestly. I also have a few friends who endlessly complain that their dh doesn't do things their way (the right way according to them) so they redo or admonish them over every task, then wonder why they are reluctant to help.

I think all humans are a bit lazy, but I think women seem to be more willing than men to just pick up the slack. I won't with DH, it's an equal partnership or nothing, we both know it and value what we have enough to pull our weight.

OP, you need to understand the difference between your personal situation and "all" men, and indeed "all MIL" as your other thread is about. No, not all men are lazy and not all MIL are awful. You do have a choice.

I'm not sure they're lazy but there are a lot of entitled and selfish men around. There is just an expectation that women will do the caring, housekeeping and admin roles. Historically all women's jobs and added together all very time consuming on top of working a full or part time job.

Having said that, DH is brilliant. I wouldn't put up with a useless bloke. Life is too short.

No, men are not more inherently lazy than women.
What can/does happen is they are socialised into either expecting someone else to pick up the slack or to see it as beneath them.

My DH was the eldest of 4 and he was expected to do household chores from an early age. He was doing his own laundry at 13.
My ex on the other hand had never used a washing machine when we moved in together. He expected housework to be done by me because his mum did it all at home. We didn't last very long.

I've also been very clear on my expectations in a partner. Household chores and childcare are a joint responsibility.

Our 10 year old is already learning by example. He already knows that keeping the house clean and tidy is everyone's responsibility- including his!!

Yes!. They were facilitated their mothers.

My DH isn't lazy. He's always pulled his weight with housework and childcare.

I'm amazed at how good he is really, as the role models weren't great - his mum never worked after marriage and literally did everything for his dad, who doled out housekeeping money and wouldn't "let" his mum learn to drive, or even buy a microwave (despite never cooking ever).

DH is always busy and engaged, despite now being retired and disabled. He puts me to shame sometimes!

My DH never stops. I'm lazy compared to him. As I write this, I'm lying in bed in my pyjamas while he unloads the dishwasher. I can't think of any lazy men actually.

No, I don't. You clearly know a very low grade of men.

How so you compare being influenced by prisoners in jail to being influenced by your own mother 😁

I am married a man ten years older than me, who regularly leaves empty crisp packets and crumpled up tissues down the back of the sofa for me to find and is incapable of opening a bathroom window.

It's just so completely and pointlessly scuzzy. I bloody hate it.