AIBU or does anyone else thinks that most (not all) men are inherently lazy?

[SunnyPinkMouse]

as I get older I am becoming more intolerable to men. I think they’re lazy. I think they are mummy’s boys. They get out of helping. They get out of doing a lot of things. They just do what they want to do. Why? Is it because their mums let them get away with this growing up and so they continue this way and then expect their wives to replace their mum?

That’s not all men. Your other half is just a lazy and selfish person. If it bothers you that much, yes, you have a decision to make.

By that token, are women too lazy to work on building sites or oil rigs? That must be pretty hard work.

Sounds like your meeting the wrong men OP. My OH works 6 days a week and cleans bathroom, hoovers, mops and chops wood up at the weekend as well as make teas during the week and goes to the gym alternate nights. He and his brother raised by a single Dad from age 11.

My DH isn't. He's hard working, conscientious, does a lot of household tasks and chores. He's definitely not lazy. Clearly the men you associate with are lazy arses but not everyone is.

My DH is great at household chores and I put it down to the fact he lived on his own for 18 years. It's very good he's been so well trained lol 😆

I don’t want him to think that this is an acceptable attitude

What?? How old is he, 12?? I’m pretty sure a those ideas are deeply ingrained by now.

I’m assuming, seeing as you don’t believe that mindset at all (and rightly so) that you put her straight or at least laughed out loud.. or is your DH so far gone, that it’s suddenly hit you that any hope you had of changing him is futile.

hope you like nagging, or doing everything yourself! Because if you choose a lazy, selfish person to marry those are the only choices you will have for the rest of your life.

I think the problem with a lot of men is the inherent belief that they should be able to do the jobs that they want to do and those jobs only. Plus they expect an inordinate amount of praise for doing them

I wholeheartedly disagree. I look around me and I don't know a lazy man personally.

I may know men who don't volunteer themselves for 'wifework', but they're not what I'd call lazy.

I think a lot of people would be “lazy”’if they thought they could get away with doing much less work than another person, and still achieve the same outcome.

So if a man thinks he can have a nice home, a happy relationship, a family with children who love him etc, whilst putting in much less work than his wife/ partner he will do that. Who wouldn’t want a nice clean home without having to clean it, a loving family without having to do the hard bits of childcare or keep going even when you’re tired and want to rest? Men have been told for centuries they can have this, so why wouldn’t they still want it?

The fact that women now go to work doesn’t mean that many men will stop thinking they can have all the above without the hard yards.

(edited minor typo)

So because his mum says something he would believe it automatically?

All the men of my parents generation were hard working, they didn’t do housework but they were busy doing DIY, stuff in the garden, fixing the car etc. In my experience, men of my generation not only don’t do their fair share of housework they also don’t do the practical stuff that the previous generation did. That’s not the fault of women or single mothers either!

When i was with my ex i worked part time. He worked full time .I had children before meeting him. Then I had 2 with him . I have up work after having our 2nd child. When I worked part time I was expected to everything because I only worked a few hours a day. When I stopped working I wa expected to do everything because I didn't work.

He never did understand my day did not end at 5pm. He never ever woke in the night. It was always me. Sometimes I would only get 2hrs sleep. He never cooked a meal all the time we were together.

I remember once both children were very clingy to me . It went on for ages. I was extremely tired and I said can you help out please they have been constantly clinging on to me... he piped up he's not well he had a cold type bug and his mum backed him up .

Another time at his mums place . We were getting ready to leave i was getting the kids ready getting their shoes on etc. I asked him to help. His mum said he's got a 3 fucking hour drive.

He used to say he loved me. Would buy me nice gifts. Say the right words etc . But I felt worthless.

I did split with him a couple of timed but tried again. I have now split up with him for good . I felt a massive weight lift .

He now lives with his mum. He has the kids every other weekend . He doesn't do any actual parenting. Just the fun bits. He's also dad of the century.

I don't know.

I think quite a lot of people revert to laziness as the default so long as they are able.

Same 😂

I was chatting to my daughter-in-law, who said she was really grateful to have met a man who pulled his weight completely and without being asked. She attributed it, quite correctly in my opinion, to his having been raised by a man who behaves in that way too.

It's the height of sexism to blame women for raising lazy men.

I think your mixing with the wrong crowd. My hubby is fantastic around the house from cooking to housework or helping with our kids plus working...actually my dad and brothers are all the same minus the small kids. We were all brought up a happy family is everyone helping out at home

Nah DH isn’t lazy at all, I feel a bit bad sometimes because I am quite lazy. The thing that makes me uncomfortable is how him doing his fair share is viewed as me being “lucky”. If a woman did the same no-one would bat an eyelid.

I do think there are a lot of men who think their time is more important than womens time or have managed to be blind to it and don’t feel bad. I was speaking to my MIL about this (we come from a very traditional patriarchal culture) and I think she completely recognised how much of her time was taken from her so the men around her could have more time to read/pray/socialise. It makes me sad and tbh explains a lot of why men were able to achieve so much. Women who wanted to forge ahead with their careers tended to do it all not have it all.

Once pointed out to DH the phenomenon in our culture of women buying food, making food, serving food and then eating after the men are done then they get to clean up after and look after the kids (we do not do this and we make a very obvious point of not doing this, fuck that, I’m not a servant and I won’t behave like one, happily this is dying a death in my family). This would look fucking appalling if it were black people preparing food and it were white people sitting to eat. Yet people struggle to see the inequality and the sheer unfairness when it comes to women.

There was a post on here a few years ago about men buying leisure time with women's labour. I wish I had saved it, it was brilliant

@mumsnet I think you guys posted it on a thread once so if you still have it and you know what I’m talking about can you post it again. I wish it was a sticky, it’s something all women need to see.

What a silly thread. I know lots of very lazy women.

It’s the person, not the sex. Lots of women are lazy too. Lots of men aren’t lazy. If you don’t want a lazy man then don’t marry or have kids with a lazy man - be more selective.

No they aren't.
Some are, just as some women are.
Most people just do what needs to be done.

Between this thread and your mum in law are they all terrible thread it's clear you're dealing with some shit here.

Stop trying to convince yourself they're all the same. They're not. Yours is crap.

If anything, I'm the lazy one in our relationship.
He's retired, but still gets up at 6.45 every morning and brings me a cuppa, while I stay in bed for another hour, because I like to.

I'm sure there are many men like this (judging by MN threads), but I don't think I know any. My dh is very far from lazy. In fact I'm definitely lazier than him!

Yeah, we have different strengths but my DH is definitely not lazy and does more than his fair share to be honest.

Slightly unusual in that we run our own business together too and I will "give" him time off to go do housework when it's quiet. I'll hold the fort at work but honestly, that's usually the easier bit and he gets so much more done than I would.

I think YAB slightly U actually. Men are far too keen on women cooking for them, I can't deny that. Can't decide if they are lazy about laundry or just crap at it.

But I know some incredibly lazy women.

Selfish rather than lazy