Friends partner cheated, I can't get my head round it

[starmaker1]

My friend is 30 with 3 kids under 4, one being only 6m.
Her partner cheated with a woman from
His gym, the ow got pregnant and kept the baby, friends partner has nothing to do with the woman or baby. The ow's baby and my friends are almost exactly the same age.
My friend and her partner have moved house, he has changed his number and car in a bid i suppose to stop ow finding them.
I'm so confused as to why she is staying with him. I could possibly forgive a one night stand, not an affair and definitely not an affair that ended in a baby being born. I don't know how she really feels as she doesn't really speak about it. She's know 4/5 months. Has anyone else ever stayed in the same or similar situation and it actually worked? U couldn't let him touch me and would have zero respect that he doesn't acknowledge his other child

The thing that would disappoint me the most is abandoning his child.

The baby may not be his. Has he had dna

There is no clear cut answer in this scenario. As a couple, they have done what they think is best for them. It's a shame a child was born & isn't being recognised but sometimes life is not fair!

The baby is definitely his, he has to pay CM.
I just don't know if I should bring it up, when she first found out I think she was a bit numb as she had just had a baby and her hormones were probably all over the place, she hasn't mentioned it in weeks. All I keep thinking is, is she happy? They live comfortably not rich but comfortable, I sometimes think she's staying so her kids don't suffer financially but i honestly couldn't let him touch me and would hate him, what he done would be in my head 24/7 I just hope she isn't miserable but I don't think I can help

Agree with pp, I would be so disappointed in his abandonment of the other child. No child deserves that. What a waste of space.

@Typerighter I don't get that either, I'd lose all respect for him, in so many ways.
I think she's burying her head in the sand tbh. I don't see this ending well but I could be wrong, maybe she can get over it, everyone's different I suppose

Your friend is probably reeling from the shock and betrayal and is afraid of being alone with 3 such young children. And her feelings are valid. I can't imagine having any respect for a man who has nothing to do with one of his children but we're all different. Maybe this is the only way your friend can cope for now. I doubt she's happy, who would be in that situation?She's probably burying her head in the sand and got her hands full looking after her children.

Regardless of the affair, the most disgusting part is the fact your friend's partner has abandoned his child with the OW. Moving, changing his car and phone number is awful. He had sex with another woman, and like it or not he is responsible for the baby. None of this is the poor child's fault! I understand with 3 children and the youngest only being 6 months, your friend is probably feeling vulnerable. However, if it was me, I couldn't get passed the fact, that the man who supposedly loves me, not only cheated but has fathered another child. She can try and pretend this baby doesn't exist, but the only person she's kidding is herself! He's a cheating rat, and a shit person for abandoning his child. I can guarantee if she kicked him out, he'd go running to the OW, declaring undying love, whilst in reality he'd only be there because your friend kick his ass out!!!

Have you ran here to gossip? You don’t need to understand it isn’t your life.

So he had a baby on his wife and made it 10x worse by just abandoning the baby? What a mess

Have you got young kids?

I feel very sorry for your friend. She’s in an impossible situation. Leaving with a tiny baby and three other young children would be incredibly hard, and financially a nightmare. I can well imagine how staying feels like the easier of two bad options.

I can only assume that she's either staying for the money or her self esteem is down the toilet.
All you can really do is lend a supportive ear, try and build her confidence up a bit and be there when it goes tits up.

Glad it wasn't just me that thought this.

I agree. It’s not your life, and you’re sharing such personal information of someone else.
Just be there to support her if she wants it. Don’t be sharing her private information with others.

I have 2 children 3&6 we have been friends since school and tell each other everything but she has completely stopped talking about this. I think moving and changing things kept her mind a bit busy and I don't want to ask her how she's feeling because I don't want to upset her. I also don't want her being inwardly unhappy and not talking to anyone. I will have to see if she wants to talk in time. But in my head I know it would be all I could think about, especially with the babies being so close together

I thought it too.

No-one has to understand why she's staying.

But if they're a friend they'll support her regardless.

So your friend has stayed with him because separating, especially with such very young children is very hard to do. The other woman knew the risk she was taking, in keeping a baby conceived in the circumstances theirs was.

If he is paying CMS towards this child, that is probably the most they will get from him. It’s not great but is, in these types of situations, more than the average bloke would do.

I'm not gossiping, none of you know her; I am trying to understand if she can be truly happy or burying her head, she is my friend and I don't know whether or not to speak to her or wait and see if she comes to me, if you don't like the thread you can just skip it and go to one you enjoy and are able to be positive about

I’d be furious if my ‘friend’ posted my intimate, personal details on social media, asking the world to judge me.

@SmileEachDay why, do you know her? I'm sure this happens often. I'm allowed to have a conversation about a situation, I haven't mentioned names locations or any identifying details. Some people really like to moan over nothing

It’s only been a few months. This might be what she’s doing now it might not be what she does when the dust has settled.

Poor woman. And poor kids. A dad prepared to risk his family like that and who is capable of abandoning a child.

I doubt it will last OP. Would place money on them not being together into their 80s!
Be there for your friend when it all goes tits up.

@Workingthroughit would you ask if she's ok or just not say anything if she doesn't.
I think about her all the time and how she might be so unhappy but is "getting on with it" I can't get my head around any of it

Yes, wait as, if your friend wants to speak about it, she will and, if she doesn't, she won't. Her relationship with her DH is nothing to do with you so I wouldn't speculate or interfere. Be a supportive, non-judgemental friend if you want to keep her as a feiend.

Of course she’s not fucking happy, her life as she knew it exploded at the most vulnerable time possible. She’s doing the best she can and maybe she’ll come out of the fog and want to chuck him or maybe she won’t.

Maybe she’s thinking clearly at the moment and the lifestyle is worth it, especially as they’re not married. Maybe she already knew he was a twat but she’d rather be with him than single.

I don’t see why anyone thinks the other woman or her baby are the friend’s problem. She’s got her own kids to worry about, that’s plenty.

It’s a shame for the baby his/her mother chose such a shithead for his/her father. But she knew what she was doing in shagging a man who had a partner and kids, how did she think things would pan out? Again, not the OP’s responsibility.