Friends partner cheated, I can't get my head round it

[starmaker1]

My friend is 30 with 3 kids under 4, one being only 6m.
Her partner cheated with a woman from
His gym, the ow got pregnant and kept the baby, friends partner has nothing to do with the woman or baby. The ow's baby and my friends are almost exactly the same age.
My friend and her partner have moved house, he has changed his number and car in a bid i suppose to stop ow finding them.
I'm so confused as to why she is staying with him. I could possibly forgive a one night stand, not an affair and definitely not an affair that ended in a baby being born. I don't know how she really feels as she doesn't really speak about it. She's know 4/5 months. Has anyone else ever stayed in the same or similar situation and it actually worked? U couldn't let him touch me and would have zero respect that he doesn't acknowledge his other child

She might simply be biding her time till her children are older. It would be very hard to leave with three young children including a baby. Her life would be the opposite of comfortable. I wouldn't blame her for that decision and it would be putting her children first. I wouldn't be that surprised though if she left when the youngest was five.

She's not married either. Is the house and everything else in his name? If she leaves she may take very little with her. Why aren't they married if they now have three children is another question?

It's sad for the other child. But the other woman in this situation was prepared to have unsafe sex with a man with two small children. Yes I appreciate it was the man who was unfaithful. I can't honestly blame your friend if she made it a condition of reconciling that there was no contact with the child. At least he's providing financial support.

I wouldn't raise this with your friend. If she wanted to talk about it with you, she would raise it.

A lot of women stay for several reasons, going it alone with 3 small children isn't easy, they are worried that they and their children will suffer financially, they want the children to have their father, they worry about what the future will hold for them as many men aren't interested in other people's children and last but not least she could just be overwhelmed and shellshocked. There is the fight or flight complex but there is also the 'freeze' one where people are paralysed because they don't know what to do. She is probably scared about many things deep down and perhaps not wanting to talk about it is a manifestation of that anxiety. People often 'look the other way' because it is easier than having to face divorce/single parenthood/financial hardship etc.

To be fair, we don't know what tales this guy span to the other woman. Cheaters lie through their teeth to their partners AND the other woman. If they met at the gym, he could have said anything. My mum had a friend who found out that the man she was married to had another pre-existing marriage YEARS after. It was in the newspapers and everything. He had a job that required him to be away a lot so the absences were explainable. What we do know is that this guy is so low that he could walk under a door wearing a top hat and it still wouldn't be knocked off! Your poor friend. Just be gentle with her. I would imagine she might just be biding her time before making a move and of course then there is the embarrassment factor of having a snake for a husband!

Because both women realise they have been played by a shit!

Maybe she doesn’t want to be a single mum. Maybe she doesn’t want to be left with 3 small kids. Maybe she’s worried that if she leaves him he won’t see his kids like he doesn’t see the other one. She’s also had a part in him not seeing the kid by agreeing to move away from it. She isn’t innocent either sorry.

It might be that your friend is feeling shame or guilty for staying or think that you are judging her for doing so. Nobody knows if it's going to work out or be the best decision, so it's probably not going to help you getting other people to give their opinion or experience. As a friend I would advise you to make it clear that you love her and support any decisions she makes. Tell her you are always going to be there, whenever she wants and it's ok to have completely different feelings from one day to the next. Time will tell for their relationship but don't let it damage your relationship with her. She doesn't deserve to be cheated on and then lose a best friend too. Sympathy for you, you obviously are a caring person who is struggling to do their best for a mate. It's a tricky place to be but be led by her to show you what she needs from you.

This is true. If he can do it to the other child, he could do it to hers!

Tbh it's not for you to say anything. I have a best friend they had 3 children 9,7 and 6 months, her hubby upped packed his bags and just left one day no explanation.Turns out he was moving into another woman's house, after a year my best friend took him bag into the family home like nothing had ever happened.snd I won't say behind closed doors we all were like wtf are you doing. It totally messed with the older kids minds but she apparently is so in love she took him back. So far they've been back together almost 2 years... personally I will never get it as I could not take a cheater back but apparently others feel they can

With three kids under 4 how the hell has he got free time to go to the gym?

She has probably picked up that you are being judgmental about her staying with him and this is why she doesn't discuss it with you.

She could be in survival mode where security is her main consideration -for now.

So you weren’t there. Your friend put the OW on louspeaker so you could hear her? That makes…no sense.

What happened in the end?