To think that two grown men could have decided this...?

[5FootMama]

So, in the throes of a class party at soft play where I was trying to both sort the table for the cake and deal with the small child having a meltdown. I tell the husband, he needs to sort the cake and the candles. He looks clueless. I just say "put the candles in the cake, bring it here for lighting" he goes with another dad. He comes back "where are the candles?" .... "In the bag next to the cake".... Come back "wheres the lighter? ... "In the same bag... Just look"

I have a clingy limpet child in the verge of tears, whilst I'm sorting the table out, and 2 minutes later the men both come traipsing back saying "we need you for the cake there's a problem"

Brilliant 🙄 I go back to cake to find out the issue, thinking it's been dropped or some kid has stuck their hand in it or something..

No. No... THEY DIDN'T KNOW WHERE ON THE CAKE TO PUT THE FUCKING CANDLES.

Two grown men needed to have me decide where to put 4 candles on a rectangular cake...

I would t describe pathetic incompetence as hilarious, I'd be embarrassed for them being so useless

Weaponised incompetence strikes again.

Should have told them to place one in each of their ears, there should be enough air in both of their heads to keep the candle flames alight

That was my first thought. But I wonder if any of them would be able to find it without help

Reminds me. I recently went to a baby shower. About 7 or 8 of us. Lovely time. Except for about 4 women, the hubbies kept calling ask for thsi and that. Telling their partners child x was crying what to do. The women were a bit annoyed but also thought it was funny and cute. I just thought for f's sake let them get on with it. It's 2 to 3 hours absence and they cant cope. Switch off the phones and enjoy. The kids will survive.
A friend of mine advised me when i was about to give birth - first baby: the first time you go out Nautilus, dont text ot call to check how he is coping. I have learned that he and the kids will be ok and he has learned not to pull the am a helpless man card.
Some men!!!

Fucking pathetic

I’d have offered to show them EXACTLY where the candles should go, each one more painful than the last, especially when lit.

I’m an author. I’ve done the research 😈

I'm starting to think we should do interviews and trial tests with men before we venture into a relationship with them lol.

What was the language? Give us a clue

Two grown men needed to have me decide where to put 4 candles on a rectangular cake...

To be fair though, I got anxious just by reading your post 😂I could well imagine both of them thinking that no matter where they placed the candles, it wouldn't have been to your liking. I suspect this, because you sound just like me. In quieter moments I can actually be found rocking back & forth in a chair, cringing about the way I speak to my husband at times & making him feeling like he's walking on egg shells. 😁😱😆

Perfect candidate for parliament. Sounds just like who we need to lead the country!!!!

I always think if they’re this clueless over something as simple as a cake and candles How would they be in a serious situation, someone stops breathing, child choking, house fire. Would he be capable then?

I think in that scenario I would have handed the dads the kid and done the cake.

The problem is there is no 'right' answer, so although they are capable of deciding, they were worried where they decided would be different to where you would have put them. And as you delegated the task, they would be wrong. A quick 'stick them wherever you think looks best' might have given the confidence to decide for themselves (and yes isn't needed but I'm one to restack the dishwasher so I do need to check myself sometimes).

Not finding the candles or lighter is pathetic.

This is bollocks

Grown men don't need permission to decide where to put candles. It was deliberate incompetence, part of a long-term strategy to avoid being asked to do anything in future.

Strange as my husband is clever, has a stressful, time critical job, but putting some candles in a cake doesn’t faze him. My dad, who was very traditional, has never cooked, was the breadwinner, etc., can also put some candles on a cake. He can even light them! Maybe because that’s because he used to smoke cigars back in the day so knows how to use a lighter and not just because he’s just an adult who can do a simple task.

Honestly I don’t know how some people function in real life, let alone find someone who finds this behaviour in anyway attractive and manages to procreate.

Quite. Do they phone their boss every time they need to do a task?

Having had our DD suffer a febrile convulsion (twice), choke on her own vomit as a baby whilst out shopping and struggle with breathing during an asthma attack, I can say that, no, they don't suddenly discover a level of competence during a crisis.

Each time, I've had a microsecond of panic, followed by a surge of adrenaline that has allowed me to separate panic from action. Whether that's administering basic first aid (that we both learnt at the same time), dialling 999 or shouting for help. Her Dad meanwhile has been stuck in panic, looking at me for instructions on what to do.

He's now an ex so I feel more permitted to say "FFS what do you THINK you should do?" when presented with a stupid question.

I'm gonna take a guess it was the R word

There's a name for this type of behaviour. Weaponised incompetence,I think? As in,if I just make a complete fuck up of everything I'm asked to do,they won't bother asking me again. I find it's nearly always men who practice this.

There's a name for this type of behaviour. Weaponised incompetence,I think? As in,if I just make a complete fuck up of everything I'm asked to do,they won't bother asking me again. I find it's nearly always men who practice this.

^° Don't know why that posted twice!

Oh I dunno...years ago I worked with a woman who had that down to a fine art. Whenever it was her turn to make the drinks it was always "Oh I don't make nice coffee, sorry, I'm making a pot of tea". As in, "I'm doing you a favour here by not making you coffee", and not "I'm a lazy mare who can't be arsed opening a jar of instant & putting a spoon of it into a cup". There were many more examples 😆

THIS😂

DH has on occasion tried to pull this sort of rage inducing bollocks. I have been known to bellow 'You've got two hands and a brain. Now fucking use them' He doesn't do it much now.

I have absolutely no patience whatsoever with apparently fully functioning adults who cannot perform simple tasks.