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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH, Wedding, Sick Children AIBU?

56 replies

NewMomma21 · 07/12/2024 13:39

My “D”H and I were due to attend a wedding today. On Wednesday night DS3 became very unwell, unmanageable temp& bad cough. Went to GP Thursday and he has a bad chest infection prescribed steroids and antibiotics. I told DH I wouldn’t be able to attend wedding as I don’t ask grandparents to mind sick children. That was fine he seemed unbothered.
Come Friday I became very unwell. The same symptoms but with total exhaustion on top of it as DS had not slept for the last few nights. I was barely able to get myself to the doctor as I was so weak and faint from temp and coughing. I collected my prescription for steroids, antibiotics, inhalers. While in the pharmacy DH called to get me to collect his suit for the wedding while I was out. I explained how sick I was, how there was no parking, it was raining heavily and most importantly I didn’t think he could attend as I could barely stand up and couldn’t be at home alone to take care of two DC in the state I was in. He insisted I collect the suit. In the car on the way home I vomited profusely and was barely able to keep my eyes open. When I got home and said this his only response was did you get my suit. Roll on last night and second DC 14m has come down with the same dose, poor thing is miserable cried all night. I told DH he categorically could not go to the wedding we are all on knees here and I cannot capably mind sick DC. Only when I said if you go to the wedding don’t come back here did he relent.
I am devastated he has not shown any concern for me or DC. I am rarely sick. He thinks I BU for not asking grandparents to come help so he can go to a former colleagues wedding. I think he is BU for being so uncaring and selfish.

OP posts:
Anewuser · 07/12/2024 13:41

He’s a selfish prick and I hope he catches your bug.

Bet he’ll wear his dressing gown of doom then.

Get well soon.

AnotherEmma · 07/12/2024 13:42

A former colleague? Is that it?! If it was his childhood best friend or sibling/cousin or something, I'd understand him not wanting to miss it, but a former colleague. FFS.

Also I really hope you didn't collect his suit. Selfish arsehole.

Alalalala · 07/12/2024 13:44

What a detestable selfish fool he’s being.

Octonaut4Life · 07/12/2024 13:45

That is outrageously poor behavior. He owes you an extremely groveling apology.

Hoppinggreen · 07/12/2024 13:46

If it was his brother I can see why he would be so determined to go but its a former colleague, he is being a selfish Dick

heldinadream · 07/12/2024 13:48

I think it's a bloody shame the vomit didn't end up all over his lovely suit.

EVHead · 07/12/2024 13:48

Absolute prick. He’s a husband and father: you and the kids come first.

NewMomma21 · 07/12/2024 13:51

DH has form for selfish behaviour but this really is something else. I’m never sick. I’m genuinely exhausted. Since DS has started preschool he has been sick on a weekly basis which means I haven’t had a nights sleep since probably August. He hasn’t offered me any food or drinks all day. He is clearly annoyed that I’m sick. He even said to me last night you don’t look that sick to me. He cannot see that his behaviour is reprehensible

OP posts:
AnotherEmma · 07/12/2024 13:54

So he hasn't done any of the nights with the kids, then... I'm guessing these are just some of the many examples of how selfish he is.

Do you work or are you a SAHM?

NewMomma21 · 07/12/2024 13:56

AnotherEmma · 07/12/2024 13:42

A former colleague? Is that it?! If it was his childhood best friend or sibling/cousin or something, I'd understand him not wanting to miss it, but a former colleague. FFS.

Also I really hope you didn't collect his suit. Selfish arsehole.

I agree entirely. DH has a group of very close knit friends if it was one of them I would have found some way for him to attend some of it but this was a former colleague. Not to deny their friendship but it’s not the same as family or best friends. He was insisting my DM come but I don’t want her to get this awful dose and more importantly it’s his responsibility to care for his sick family not theirs. I genuinely don’t know how I’ll get passed this behaviour. Whatever about not caring about me, having no regard for DCs is awful

OP posts:
QuizzicalPause · 07/12/2024 13:58

He's treating you like a piece of household equipment not a wife. I'd get a divorce seriously this is horrible for your kids.

Spondoolies · 07/12/2024 13:58

Disgusting. I hope you leave the kids with him when he comes down with it. Why the hell did you go to pick up his suit?!

NewMomma21 · 07/12/2024 13:59

AnotherEmma · 07/12/2024 13:54

So he hasn't done any of the nights with the kids, then... I'm guessing these are just some of the many examples of how selfish he is.

Do you work or are you a SAHM?

I work albeit part time but none the less I get up after no sleep go to work come home at
2pm and run the household. He does not really contribute to any domestic tasks bar cleaning the kitchen. He will often point out he works FT and won’t acknowledge that I work FT 24/7 when you take into account my job and the weight of responsibilities I have at home

OP posts:
NewMomma21 · 07/12/2024 14:01

Spondoolies · 07/12/2024 13:58

Disgusting. I hope you leave the kids with him when he comes down with it. Why the hell did you go to pick up his suit?!

I went to get it because he said if I didn’t get it he would have to leave later in the day to get it and it would be 1.5 hour round trip and I knew I wouldn’t be able to take care of DC on my own for that length of time. As I write that I realise how absurdly selfish that is on his behalf

OP posts:
amylou8 · 07/12/2024 14:03

The only way this would be even vaguely acceptable if it was a close family member or very close friend. Even then he's probably (hopefully!) incubating said illness and will infect half the wedding with it. His whole attitude stinks. I hope you and the kids are feeling better soon xx

UpTheMagicChristmasTree · 07/12/2024 14:04

I put yabu, but only because you should not have picked up his suit! Maybe you should accidentally leave the key in the door next time he goes out so he can't come back in. You can't force him to care sadly.

Nothatgingerpirate · 07/12/2024 14:04

Cannot imagine being burdened with such a "husband".
Get better soon and think whether you would be better off just with your children.

Cornettoninja · 07/12/2024 14:06

So he’s fine with you wearing yourself down to the point that a virus will completely knock you off your feet and then have the cheek to pass judgement on how sick he thinks you are?

All this to avoid an ounce of responsibility and adulting at home and retain the freedom to go off on a jolly? He’s pissed off that you can’t enable him doing precisely as he fancies and instead of recognising that doing so has probably contributed to how sick you are he wants to be a brat about it?

it’s probably not the time as you’re feeling so rotten but he needs this spelling out to him and you need to decide whether you’re going to offer up one last chance for him to put his big boy pants on or put an end to it. You seriously can’t let him carry on like this, trust me, your body keeps score and you’re going to make yourself really ill.

cheddercherry · 07/12/2024 14:10

I mean, what a low bar of a partner/ father he is.

NewMomma21 · 07/12/2024 14:11

I’m lying in bed with DS while he has gone to return the suit and I just can’t quite believe I’ve ended up married to someone who cares so little about me

OP posts:
TheCatterall · 07/12/2024 14:13

@NewMomma21 hope you and the children recover pronto.

please let this be the straw that broke and signalled the end.

Even when you aren’t ill - he’s not exactly shining as a partner and parent is he?

DownWhichOfLate · 07/12/2024 14:23

Well, that was incredibly dangerous driving whilst so unwell.

AnotherEmma · 07/12/2024 14:24

NewMomma21 · 07/12/2024 14:11

I’m lying in bed with DS while he has gone to return the suit and I just can’t quite believe I’ve ended up married to someone who cares so little about me

Flowers
Pieandchips999 · 07/12/2024 14:30

I recommend you puke on him until he gets the message. But really this is totally disgusting. He's absolutely unable to get that you are not a robot and are capable of being really ill. I have an ex that made me feel like a nuisance when I was ill and wouldn't help me and get me things, even when he'd put them out of reach. It reflected the absolute disrespect he had for me as an individual human person. My wife and I would never consider expecting that from each other because we love and respect each other. And he really could have caused you to have a serious accident by blackmailing you to collect it. I hope you are feeling better soon and can get some space from him

ZippyLimeSnake · 07/12/2024 14:30

If DH comes down with what you & the kids have I’d give him a taste of his own medicine.
Selfish man.