DH, Wedding, Sick Children AIBU?

[NewMomma21]

My “D”H and I were due to attend a wedding today. On Wednesday night DS3 became very unwell, unmanageable temp& bad cough. Went to GP Thursday and he has a bad chest infection prescribed steroids and antibiotics. I told DH I wouldn’t be able to attend wedding as I don’t ask grandparents to mind sick children. That was fine he seemed unbothered.
Come Friday I became very unwell. The same symptoms but with total exhaustion on top of it as DS had not slept for the last few nights. I was barely able to get myself to the doctor as I was so weak and faint from temp and coughing. I collected my prescription for steroids, antibiotics, inhalers. While in the pharmacy DH called to get me to collect his suit for the wedding while I was out. I explained how sick I was, how there was no parking, it was raining heavily and most importantly I didn’t think he could attend as I could barely stand up and couldn’t be at home alone to take care of two DC in the state I was in. He insisted I collect the suit. In the car on the way home I vomited profusely and was barely able to keep my eyes open. When I got home and said this his only response was did you get my suit. Roll on last night and second DC 14m has come down with the same dose, poor thing is miserable cried all night. I told DH he categorically could not go to the wedding we are all on knees here and I cannot capably mind sick DC. Only when I said if you go to the wedding don’t come back here did he relent.
I am devastated he has not shown any concern for me or DC. I am rarely sick. He thinks I BU for not asking grandparents to come help so he can go to a former colleagues wedding. I think he is BU for being so uncaring and selfish.

Op concentrate on getting better before you make any other decisions x

Don’t forget manipulative. The situation sounds absolutely awful OP

Write down every thing he says and repeat them back to him when HE is sick.

He just won’t back down even now that he’s not gone he won’t say I got that wrong I realise you are very sick. He is storming around the house as if I have done something terrible to him. I just can’t believe his response to my telling him I was sick was did you get the suit. It’s devastating

He sounds horrible and selfish. Sorry you're dealing with this when you're feeling so rotten

I would find it impossible to get past this. There is no justification for this type of behaviour.

I can’t believe he thought it reasonable to still attend the wedding when you and both children were so sick ( and I think this applies irrespective of how close he was or wasn’t to the groom. He is your husband, which should mean that he puts you first). He also needs to step up and share the night duties.

How would he have coped looking after two ill children alone when he was sick?

What they do when you really need them is more important that what they do every other day. When it's hard, when it's miserable, when the shit hits the fan, that's marriage. Not the sunshine and flowers days.

I'm so sorry OP, I would be considering planning to separate sooner rather than later.

This.
Op you are never usually sick, like a reliable fridge or cooker that never breaks down.
Now you are sick, and he is furious, because his reliable domestic appliance is not working and it is inconvenient for him.

He cares for you about as much as he cares for the cooker and fridge.

Your role is to look after his kids and keep house for him. From his point of view, you are failing. He is not relating to you like a partner and equal.

This
I hope you feel better soon OP, utterly exhausting being unwell and taking care of sick children

Is he normally a supportive husband?

This is a depressingly insightful analogy.

Even worse in my opinion because it is a wedding where he is probably only invited to make up numbers. If it was his brother or sister I might have some sympathy for it being important, but not this one.

Should've been sick on his suit. 🤮

i have no real advice but i imagine you are just looking at him thinking “who the fuck have I married?”
As @EuclidianGeometryFan s post is sadly on the money
the problem is when he doubles down on this bullshit it just kills your love and at some point there is no way back.

I suppose if you aren’t there yet I’d insist on marriage counselling, if you really are done just start planning your exit.

Whatever you do I would double up on contraception if still having sex as you shouldn’t have more children with this arsehole.

Ask for forgiveness for being sick by giving him hugs and kisses to make sure he catches it. Then refuse to look after him when he's sick because he doesn't look sick.

Take care of yourself

At first I thought this was his best pal and I was going to tell you that you had to suck it up and maybe hire a babysitter to help but for a random colleague ?
He's an absolute twat.
Hopefully he'll be on his knees with the virus in about 48 hours.

Is he one of those guys who gets angry when you're sick because it means you can't serve him and his needs anymore?

And that he might have to do some childcare or his own children?

You might have been best to let him to go the wedding and then change the locks while he's there. What an idiot.

EX Colleague!!!
Even worse

OP, I sympathise entirely. DD and I both caught flu when she was a baby and were really ill. I could barely stand, we both slept on the sofa as we couldn't get to bed. Ex was working away. He refused to come back early and when he finally did get home he said: "No point me staying in if you're both unwell", and went to the pub.

He was always a selfish prick but that was the day I knew it was over.

😱

That is a stunning insight.

OP, I feel so sorry for you.

Yours is a well worn tale.
Woman marrys a selfish prick, gets used to it until some incident makes it crystal clear just how little he cares.
It invariably is after she has children.

He is an utterly disgusting excuse of a shit husband and shit father.

He feels no obligation to care for you or his children.

He actually thought your mother should risk her health.

If you were my daughter I would tell you don't waste your energy getting upset.

Start planning.
Spend money on as much help to get you through this next year or so until the children are in a better place.

Do nothing for him.
Ofload anything that helps him.
Plan on getting back to work full-time.
He has rightly lost your trust, that is not something that is easy to reclaim.

Keep family and friends very close.
You will need them.
Mind yourself.

This was so true during Covid.
I heard some interesting stories about men being selfish twats when their wives were sick and the women having lightbulb moments and giving them back a dose of their own lack of care.

Its hard to unsee.

I'm so sorry OP. His attitude is horrendous.