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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH, Wedding, Sick Children AIBU?

56 replies

NewMomma21 · 07/12/2024 13:39

My “D”H and I were due to attend a wedding today. On Wednesday night DS3 became very unwell, unmanageable temp& bad cough. Went to GP Thursday and he has a bad chest infection prescribed steroids and antibiotics. I told DH I wouldn’t be able to attend wedding as I don’t ask grandparents to mind sick children. That was fine he seemed unbothered.
Come Friday I became very unwell. The same symptoms but with total exhaustion on top of it as DS had not slept for the last few nights. I was barely able to get myself to the doctor as I was so weak and faint from temp and coughing. I collected my prescription for steroids, antibiotics, inhalers. While in the pharmacy DH called to get me to collect his suit for the wedding while I was out. I explained how sick I was, how there was no parking, it was raining heavily and most importantly I didn’t think he could attend as I could barely stand up and couldn’t be at home alone to take care of two DC in the state I was in. He insisted I collect the suit. In the car on the way home I vomited profusely and was barely able to keep my eyes open. When I got home and said this his only response was did you get my suit. Roll on last night and second DC 14m has come down with the same dose, poor thing is miserable cried all night. I told DH he categorically could not go to the wedding we are all on knees here and I cannot capably mind sick DC. Only when I said if you go to the wedding don’t come back here did he relent.
I am devastated he has not shown any concern for me or DC. I am rarely sick. He thinks I BU for not asking grandparents to come help so he can go to a former colleagues wedding. I think he is BU for being so uncaring and selfish.

OP posts:
Noseybookworm · 07/12/2024 22:57

What a tosser 😡 I wouldn't be able to bear being near him and I probably wouldn't ever feel the same way about him again 😔 hope he catches it so you can ignore him and treat him as badly as he's treating you - let him know how it feels! I hope you and your little ones feel better soon 💐

heldinadream · 08/12/2024 17:08

How are you @NewMomma21 ? Are you feeling any better? Any progress with H realising he needs to be a supportive partner?

NewMomma21 · 08/12/2024 17:55

heldinadream · 08/12/2024 17:08

How are you @NewMomma21 ? Are you feeling any better? Any progress with H realising he needs to be a supportive partner?

Thanks for checking in. I hope we are all over the worst of it. All our temps have subsided at last. I’m feeling a bit weak having not been able to eat much since Friday. DH has been quiet and sheepish. He offered me some tea and toast this morning but that’s the extent of our communication. I don’t know how to move forward, if I confront him he will deny he did anything wrong. I’m just feeling so sad about it all.

OP posts:
GivingitToGod · 08/12/2024 18:12

NewMomma21 · 08/12/2024 17:55

Thanks for checking in. I hope we are all over the worst of it. All our temps have subsided at last. I’m feeling a bit weak having not been able to eat much since Friday. DH has been quiet and sheepish. He offered me some tea and toast this morning but that’s the extent of our communication. I don’t know how to move forward, if I confront him he will deny he did anything wrong. I’m just feeling so sad about it all.

Glad you are feeling slightly better OP.
I suggest not confronting him right now. It could be that he is reflecting on his actions

heldinadream · 08/12/2024 19:05

I'm glad you're recovering.
I agree now's not the best time to tackle him if only because you're still feeling weak so if he gets defensive it'll be hard to hold your ground.
It is sad. Flowers
Build yourself up.

MrsTerryPratchett · 08/12/2024 19:22

I don’t know how to move forward, if I confront him he will deny he did anything wrong.

I don't think framing it as 'confronting' in your head is useful. I think you're doing that because you assume he will be defensive or even hostile. Thinking about it as 'raising a need' is probably easier. I use a simple assertiveness trick:

When..
I feel...
Because...
Please...

When you said you were going to the wedding, I felt sad. Because we're a team and I needed help. Please can we talk about it?

If you can't do this straight away, you can use the simplest trick:

Can we talk about the wedding and the kids being sick? And WAIT!!! The waiting is important. He has feelings about it too and the best way to be listened to is to listen first. That way the person has got all of their feelings and thoughts out and might actually listen.

If he gets angry or defensive, stay calm and reasonable. Use I statements, nothing subjective, only factual. Listen a lot. Let him process his own shit.

I think you may need a counsellor, if you want to stay married.

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