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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you could honestly do this ?

66 replies

ChicRaven · 06/12/2024 20:22

If your partner left you, would you be able to move away and live alone, financially supporting yourself? This isn't based on what you would get out of a divorce because in this scenario you wouldn't have that security.

OP posts:
MyPithyPoster · 06/12/2024 20:24

It’s amazing what you can do when you have to. I left, 4 kids- 1 in a pram, 4 suitcases.
Within 3 years, bought a house, car etc. He pissed all the equity away rather than give it to me. I now have more assets than him 10 years later

Dearg · 06/12/2024 20:25

Too bloody right I could.

Not to say it would be easy, and wouldn’t hurt emotionally.

SkylarkKitten · 06/12/2024 20:25

I'm not sure how to answer your poll because I don't know your stance in order to determine AIBU

However, in answer to your question, yes, I personally was fortunate to be able to leave and support myself (and my children!)
I was always financially independent and paid the mortgage myself anyway.

Hope all is well with you x

gamerchick · 06/12/2024 20:27

Yes. House is in my name and I never joined finances with my husband.

Lincoln24 · 06/12/2024 20:28

Yes but I would have to move a long way away (couldn't afford this area) and quality of life and future would take a massive hit eg I'd have to work much longer.

InfoSecInTheCity · 06/12/2024 20:28

Yes but I'm the higher earner, he'd struggle.

Plastictrees · 06/12/2024 20:29

Yup. We do own properties together but I have career. Obviously I hope it never comes to it, but if needs be I could definitely cope.

Oaoejvr · 06/12/2024 20:31

Yes, but full time I’d earn 50k, there’s money in my currently home that’d allow me to buy rather than rent and I live in a place where house prices are not ridiculous. It’d be tight but manageable. It’s something that’s important to me to know I’m here through choice

LittleBobbyDazzler · 06/12/2024 20:32

In theory, although the initial costs would be the sticking point as no savings, joint or otherwise. I would actually be better off on benefits as a single mum once established tbh. Life would be exponentially harder though (and that was no judgement re: benefits). I'm fortunate enough to have a very supportive family too though, which would help massively.

Typerighter · 06/12/2024 20:33

Yes, I earn the same as DH and we bought a house that we could afford on one salary.

I am constantly telling dd that whatever she does, she needs to make sure she's financially independent.

drspouse · 06/12/2024 20:33

I'm the main earner so it wouldn't be hard. I would probably go to an Airbnb for a month or so and then rent somewhere.

One of my colleagues left her DH and it was all very mysterious but he was an EU citizen and she wasn't and we knew something was going on when we were told she had left our company and rapidly came back. She had an income but not a visa.

GivingitToGod · 06/12/2024 20:35

MyPithyPoster · 06/12/2024 20:24

It’s amazing what you can do when you have to. I left, 4 kids- 1 in a pram, 4 suitcases.
Within 3 years, bought a house, car etc. He pissed all the equity away rather than give it to me. I now have more assets than him 10 years later

Bloody brilliant. You should be very proud of your strength and achievements

andfinallyhereweare · 06/12/2024 20:37

Yes I could.

FreebieWallopFridge · 06/12/2024 20:37

Yes.

Wolfpa · 06/12/2024 20:38

Yes I have kept my financial independence

Anewstart2024 · 06/12/2024 20:39

Yes, I would. Not saying it would be easy but I'd do it.

@MyPithyPoster You should be so proud of yourself for walking away and achieving all that you've done

Itgetsharder · 06/12/2024 20:39

Yes and I currently am doing so. I earn a decent wage and have savings also which helped a lot!

Interlaken · 06/12/2024 20:40

Yes I could and I have.

BeADinosaur · 06/12/2024 20:41

Yes and I did it.

Highly recommend!

GivingitToGod · 06/12/2024 20:41

I've always had to pay for everything myself (circumstances) and bought my son up on my own with no support. I've never known what it's like for someone to share the financial load. That's not a complaint, more a statement of fact. That said, I know several women who would be unable to support themselves/home on their own without a financial divorce settlement or hefty maintenance

Tristar15 · 06/12/2024 20:41

Yep. High earner and own assets. Would never get myself into a position where I couldn’t support myself. Women who can’t do this end up trapped with awful men.

Merryoldgoat · 06/12/2024 20:45

When DH was a partner ‘yes’ - we earned the same and i could have afforded to rent either a studio or house share no problem.

Now we’re married - yes - but it would be trickier with two SEN kids. But I could. I earn a decent amount part time, I’d go up to full time and get a hybrid job to help with childcare.

NameChange374 · 06/12/2024 20:45

No, definitely not. I would need to work full time (currently part-time) to afford housing. But I wouldn't be able to afford to work full time because of nursery fees.
Put another way, if as a single mum I went to work full time and put DD in nursery full time and DS in afterschool club 5 days/week, on my current salary I would bring home about £750 a month.

BeatsAntique · 06/12/2024 20:50

Yes. My Mum instilled in me from a young age that I should never be reliant on another person for money. I’ve left two relationships and each time I had put aside sufficient savings to get out and my salary is enough to support me. It’s so, so vital to be self-sufficient. It’s a lesson I’ve really drummed into my DC.

coxesorangepippin · 06/12/2024 20:51

Yup