To think that if you’re even slightly rude to retail staff you should be banned from the store.

[ThisAquaCrow]

Based on a conversation I’ve just had with a family member who has left work today again in tears because approximately 90% of the people she deals with range from low level rude right through to ‘you fucking bitch’ rude.

What is WRONG with people and if you are rude to retail staff on a regular basis, WHY?

Yes, quite.

I appreciate that people are more likely to leap onto social media to complain rather than to praise. However, since joining Mumsnet I have been utterly amazed by the number of posters who apparently constantly in their day to day life come across rude shop staff, rude staff in hospitality, discourteous drivers and just generally, rude members of the general public in all environments. It just doesn't reflect the world I live in.

It must be exhausting continually coming across people who don't meet your standards.

I will never be aggressive or swear at retail staff. I will however treat them how they’ve treated me, I.e not speaking at all through the transaction and saying £52, no please or thank you. If that happens then they will be handed the money without a word or manners. If they have been chatting to their friends throughout I always leave with a “sorry to have disturbed your chat, I’ll be going and leave you to it”. Respect and manners are a two-way street in retail.

as I’ve said above though swearing, being rude and aggressive is not acceptable x

If you're ND and you know you're blunt and not very smiley then why don't you attempt to change that?

I say that because I'm ND and I'm very very smiley and chatty but I wasn't always like that.

Sorry to hear this - you need a bloody thick skin to work in retail (and hospitality for that matter - I've done both). I always try to be extra polite as I've been on the receiving end. Your family member needs to tell themselves that it is (mostly) not personal. These people are having a bad day or are frustrated about something in the store itself. Yes some make it personal, as you can see by the example you gave), but for the rest I found it easier to deal with if o didn't take it personally. Sometimes you can find out what the issue is and help them resolve it (eg they couldn't find their favourite item because of a shop refit in a range review - you could find someone to go and get it for them) and they turn into a happy and polite customer!

I also think some people are not cut out to work with the public. They take everything to be rude (eg a customer making a genuine complaint) when in fact it's just part and parcel of retail.

Unless the shop is located in a particularly bad area, I would be surprised if genuinely 90% of the customers were rude. If your family member is regularly coming home in tears and feeling like this many people are rude, it may be worth them looking for a non-customer facing job. There's no shame in that - not everyone is suited to retail!

But OP has not provided an example for what the other end of the spectrum is.

she deals with range from low level rude right through to ‘you fucking bitch’ rude.

So what is an example of low level rude as OP wants to ban people from shops for this low level rudeness right up to you fucking bitch level but can’t tell us a low level rude example.

ETA - you fucking bitch is the only example, not one example.

You said even slightly rude though. That’s different from being offensive or acting in such an objectionable manner that you move someone to tears. Slightly rude can be subjective, say a customer is abrupt, or unfriendly. So I think people don’t have to engage to much if they just want to get a Kit Kat, or a scarf.

I think the question is too broad.

My first ever job, like most kids I should imagine, was in a coffee shop. The amount of assholes that exist is extraordinary. I once had someone time me from taking payment at the till to handing them their drink, (it was towards the end of the shift so I was the only one behind the bar, whilst the supervisor started closing down the other tills) it took 3minutes 50 which apparently wasn’t fucking quick enough. I was perhaps 17/18. I cried over that. Having an adult scream and swear at you is upsetting. It would probably still make me cry now, except I would probably shout fuck off first.

I'm a retail worker and have been for ten years. I can count on the fingers of one hand the people who have been really rude to my face. One of those was even silently rude (eye rolling) and I don't think you could ban people for sarcasm, eye rolling or other forms of rudeness. We are pretty robust generally and just bitch out the back to each other about rude customers. However I do know a few fellow workers who call everyone who doesn't actively say 'good morning', 'thank you' and 'goodbye' "rude". Personally I don't care. Customers are allowed to have dreadful days, ill kids, no time and other things that impact them. A reasonable conduct is all I ask for.

@CharlotteLucas3 because like my race, I do not have to change my personality to go thru my life without bigotry.

Surely if you're ND you should realise that not everyone can just change, it isn't always possible and just trying can be extremely difficult and distressing.
Very odd suggestion to make.

"Unless the shop is located in a particularly bad area, I would be surprised if genuinely 90% of the customers were rude"

That certainly does not follow. Some of the rudest, most entitled shoppers are to be found in the 'good' areas. Amongst the young people I've known who have worked in supermarkets during their education, it is widely felt that Waitrose is the worst.

Last Friday, I sought out the Manager of New Look. He was taken aback, when I told him that I was very impressed with the customer service in his branch. DD who has learning disabilities took a skirt back for a different size. The young lady was so helpful. She couldn't find it and asked a supervisor for help. It took them a while but found it. The chap at the desk was really pleasant and told us it was now discounted as it was black Friday.
People need to be praised more.

No one should leave work in tears or experience violence at work due to rude people.

She’s worked in retail for 20 years. The level of arseholery and rudeness has increased significantly.

Sort of sounds like you are implying only poor people are rude 🤔

A shop that banned 90% of its customers would have a short but interesting journey.

I think if you think 90% of the customers are rude, it's either you, or dreadful customer service. And yes, I've worked retail and call centres and I know there are arseholes.

That’s awful OP, and so very depressing. I am very sorry for your family member. I don’t know what has happened to make people think rudeness and abuse is justified but it is sad that seems to be the case. 😞

Re cutting staff. I just got back from Waitrose. Hadn’t been there for a while. There are now only 4 manned tills and the rest of the checkout area given over to self checkout/self scan. That said the lady who served me was lovely.

I don’t know, I’m a teacher I had a parent shout at me and make me cry earlier this week.
Should she be banned from school- of course not.

I had summer jobs in retail. If people brushed away small talk, that wasn’t rude. I was just there to enable them/ assist them in finding their garment (or whatever) maybe trying it on (with diplomatic honest opinion only if asked), and maybe a purchase. It is literally transactional.

Now, if someone was chatty, you engaged in a polite manner. I worked in a restaurant too one summer. Same. Polite and friendly when chatty customers, but respected that some people didn’t want to engage further than the transaction of good service.

I really enjoyed my summer jobs. It was a tourist area though. So many people were on holiday and in the main very pleasant.

Yes, I’ve heard this too, and also that the biggest increase in shoplifting has been among well off people stealing high value food items.

I’s say they should. If this sort of workplace aggression wasn’t tolerated perhaps people would behave like civilised human beings rather than bloody neanderthals.

Today’s abuse came from a woman she refused to serve after she had jumped the significant queue at the customer service desk.

Is there a law that dictates people have to be smiley and chatty? I just want good, efficient service. Civil and courteous of course, but that doesn’t necessitate a grinning convo.

I wouldn’t refuse to serve someone who had tried to jump the queue. I would have told them to join the queue as there were people there already there. i was in a bank once, patiently waiting my turn, when someone pushed in front of me and went to the counter. The person at the counter said, this person was before you. As a counter to the disgruntled entitled queue jumper, there would be a line of thankful people supporting someone who maintained fairness annd order like that.

I work in retail-9 years for my sins

I've been sworn at
Spat at
Punched/thumped/kicked
Threatened with rape
Had hot drinks thrown at me
Had hot food thrown at me
Had endless 'oi bitch/slag/useless fucker,where's my food?I've been waiting 20 minutes!' (We do check-more like 30 seconds)
Had threats to follow me home
Been groped
Had blokes walk up to me and thrust themselves into me
Been screamed at
Had people clicking their fingers at me
Been called thick
A teen who walked up to me and shoved his hands down my trousers
Had my hair pulled out
My uniform torn by angry customers
A bottle of orange juice thrown over my head (he ordered an orange juice,got an orange juice but had changed his mind-instead of asking if I'd mind swapping it,which I would have done,he walked in,grabbed me by my top and poured it over my head)

Loads more (the police are useless)

Lots of customers are amazing-they see I'm rushed off my feet and are lovely but at least once a shift,that one person will ruin everything

Thing is,I work damn hard,I will move mountains for you if your polite to me

Speak to me like I'm human and ill do whatever I can to help,I'll go above and beyond and everything else

Treat me like shit on your shoe and fuck you-im doing the bare minimum I can get away with

I cannot count how many times I've walked out of work in tears

(Our manager is amazing,but she can only do so much and the whole attitude of work is 'get on with it')

I work with very vulnerable people and at times my job does (rightly or wrongly) involve being prepared to take a certain degree of abuse from people in order to help them and care for them. People expect that of my job.

The problem is that ALL of the people I work with also use retail services. As well as other hospitality services or banking services etc etc etc. And often people in those services aren't equipped in the way I am to recognise that they are vulnerable. For many people being in a retail setting is very stressful and can be overwhelming. They may not understand what's being asked of them or why and can misinterpret it.

For example, I once brought a guy to a certain retailer to get items for his flat when we were paying the guy sat up on the counter beside the till (he has a few issues and didn't see why this would be an issue). The retailer looked at me and asked me if he could get down. The guy I was with immediately got angry that he hadn't been addressed directly and he wasn't doing anything wrong. He assumed that the retail assistant just didn't want to be close to him and was really offended.

When the I explained it was because of how close he was to the till the guy I was with immediately apologised and said he didn't realise and he just had wanted to sit down because he was really tired. If the retailer had handled that differently it would have been a non issue.

The problem is that often vulnerable people just look like everyone else.