Didnt want to travel in 50mph winds and rain

[Hobbit2108]

My partner of a year lives about 10 miles from me, we were due to go out for a meal at local restaurant/pub, nothing special, just a date night sort of thing. Weather Amber alert was issued for the evening for a named storm, with high winds of 50 mph, heavy rain and 1 degrees. Lots of local events have been cancelled and people advised not to drive unless necessary. I said could we cancel and go another night as I did not want to drive to and from his in such weather in the dark. (He didnt suggest I just drive there and stay over), His response was "you''ll be fine" and he was then off hand and moody with me when I said No, I dont want to risk it. I thought he would be more bothered about my safety than a meal out. And he's read but not replied to my text suggesting an alternative. Theres been a few times when he hasnt shown much concern, if I have been hurt or ill, and it's starting to worry me. Am I unreasonable, should I drive in that weather, am I letting him down ?

10miles? It seems quite an extreme thing not to leave the house for wind/rain and 1oC to dirve 10 miles - unless you live in a particularly rural area with roads liable to flooding / tree blocking. However if he didn't suggest coming to yours or you staying over and instead "saw his arse" then he's being a bit of a twat. I do think you are being a bit of a wet hen though!

Did he not offer to come to you?

Depends on the roads. Ten miles of unlit tree lined country lanes and I'd stay at home. Ten miles on the M3 (say) and I'd go.

FWIW I have NO plans to walk the 1/2 mile on suburban roads to my local for a pint this evening.

Very rural area

I wouldn’t have cancelled in your position, but we all have different levels for risk-taking. I would ask him to come to you, since he doesn’t think the travelling is a big deal in the forecasted weather.

No, nor for me to stay over, which I do every so often

If it's not advised to travel unless necessary, then YANBU to follow that advice imo.

Yeah it probably would have been fine, I've driven in similar conditions and it's all right really, but the advice is there for a reason and it's not something I'd choose to do for a date that could be rescheduled.

It’s a named storm, a miserable day (where I am anyway) and due to get worse overnight - who wouldn’t want to stay in? I definitely wouldn’t take the hump over missing/rearranging a pub dinner. It’s really not a big deal.

Does he often sulk about minor things?

Yes, he does seem to sulk, and not much empathy for some things.

If it was last night there is no way I would have gone out on foot or in the car unless it was life or death. Even Deliveroo weren't working. We lost a fence panel and it was blowing an absolutely gale.

Just tell him you will go but you will be staying over, if not he can come to you

It is Storm Darragh that is due to hit this evening

If he's keen to go out why isn't he driving to you?

I would never encourage anyone to drive in conditions that they were concerned about. We all make different risk assessments, no need to harass anyone into making choices they aren't comfortable with.

Well yes I would have, but then I live somewhere that 50mph+ winds are frequent throughout winter and I had driven in those conditions multiple times before I even passed my driving test.
But if you are ever uncomfortable with driving conditions for any reason then don't drive. If you want to be able to do it in the future, work up to it slowly - go out in 40mph a few times first and so on.

But that's not really the point anyway is it. The point is that your partner is generally uncaring.

He isn’t “concerned for your safety” because his perception is that you are making a fuss over nothing.

People’s risk assessments vary widely. To some, a yellow or amber warning is “stay indoors unless a medical emergency” and to others it’s “drive carefully, but it’s not exactly trekking in the Himalayas, is it?”

You can each draw your boundaries where you want. Sometimes they’ll clash. I wouldn’t fret about it.

I'm in a similar situation, but my fella lives 40 miles away and we have a date scheduled tomorrow, when there is a red alert ‼️ I'm supposed to be driving over in the morning and we had a lunch date followed by a NT stroll scheduled. He is adamant that I'm being mardy about the weather, and that just because Park Run (he has this booked in first thing) have cancelled all over the country, and the National Trust place we were going to in the afternoon have closed for the weekend, and cancelled their event on safety grounds due to the storm, doesn't make it unsafe for me to drive 40 miles in a Fiat 500 😱

I'm flabbergasted to be honest, as he's usually so considerate! This is the first time I've ever felt any sort of 'red flag' moment. I'm having a 'pause for thought' this afternoon that's for sure!

Let him do the driving, personally I wouldn't risk it

He doesn’t sound very nice or as if he even likes you that much. Maybe this can be a wake up call for you and you can knock this relationship on the head?

He is sulky and lacks empathy and kindness towards you. Also, after a year it is pretty weird to not stay over after a date, or to feel you can’t suggest it, do you really feel this is going somewhere and is what you want? You should still be in honeymoon territory but it doesn’t sound as if you are, and if you bin him off then you will free to meet someone kind and caring who treats you really well.

@Hobbit2108 I dont think he is worried so much about the meal out! most likely worried that he wont get his leg over if your dont go to his!!

twentysevendresses · I am a bit taken aback at my fella too, he is normally very good. Not good with illness or injury, just has the attitude "get on with it" but I have dealt with that. But this seems really unfair to me, and although I texted and suggested he come here instead, he has read but not replied to me, which seems mean. I too am sat here wondering now if it is Red Flag time.

No, it's not that, we see each other every day, and we do stay over. He just seemed to really want to go to this restaurant tonight, but there is nothing special planned, so I dont get it !

He sounds like a selfish arse.

What part of "do not drive unless absolutely necessary" does he not understand. Get rid.

Was he going to propose?????

Maybe I'm more attuned to weather extremes because I live in the US, but when the authorities say don't go out, don't go out. You did the right thing.

Your boyfriend sounds immature and not all that concerned about you.

I doubt it 😂