To feel offended by my colleague being promoted

[MrNosey]

I love my colleague, we have a great working relationship. Today (in front of me!) she was taken to the side and offered a promotion. I’m really happy for her and want her to get the position.
However, it’s a role that I’m also qualified for - and I feel - sad that we potentially won’t be together. But also that - I’m not good enough??

Well that sounds like a natural reaction to have.

I'm not sure offended is the right word. It could have been handled more tactfully though. To do it in front of you is pretty poor management. I think it's fine to ask for a meeting to get clarity on the decision.

It almost brings me back to secondary school where I was last to be picked!
I’ve worked my socks off, and it feel like I’ve been pretty much told in front of my face : we like my colleague, but we don’t want you.

Did you also apply for the position?

I would feel the same as you, happy for my colleague but sad for myself. That’s natural.

Ask if there will be another chance for promotion in the future and what you need to work on to be selected.

That must have stung. I’d ask for some feedback as to why you weren’t considered. Also, it was unprofessional to take her aside in front of you.

That’s a really shitty way to do that from management. I think I’d say something.

The positions have been advertised, but neither of us applied. There are two positions.
Colleague was taken to one side and asked to apply.

You should apply for the other one regardless of whether they invite you to apply or not.

Yes this! Why didn’t you apply in the first place?

Well - no! Because they clearly don’t ‘want’ me to apply!!

Has she been given the post, or just asked to apply? If the latter, it's open to you to apply too. Sometimes management can get the perception that A is ambitious, and B is content where they are, and all other things being equal will choose A for promotion. Applying makes it clear that you too are ready for the next step.

That’s childish. Apply.

Apply for the second position.

Also, if she has been told to apply for the position there is nothing to stop you applying. Even if you don't get it, it highlights you are interested in future development that should be in their minds when other opportunities arise.

It's good to work for a company that promotes from within.

Perhaps your attitude is why they didn't offer it to you, be serious and look inwards to see potentially why you were not picked over your colleague.

Sorry but you’re not going to get anywhere in life waiting for things to land in your lap. Be proactive – it’s desirable and out you in the light.

I’m at director level at work and I think it’s really unnecessary when people compare career trajectories – everyone is different and everyone will have a different timeline. Secondly, I like to see people putting themselves forward for opportunities without having to be asked.

Don’t let this put you off. If you think you’d be good at it and really want it then go for it! Have some confidence in yourself.

Well, it's not childish, it's realistic. They've picked their candidate

And this attitude @MrNosey is exactly why they asked her to apply and not you! You are allowed to apply!

So you didn't even apply but are now miffed they have filled the role with your colleague? And this makes you 'offended'? My God, what a first world, petty problem to have. Overuse/incorrect use of offended do you think? Just trying being happy for her and work harder/be more ambitious for yourself next time.

I am happy in my role, but mainly because I love working with colleague who has been offered the promotion - so I wouldn’t have considered a different role or promotion.

There are two roles, so they would have explicitly said!

This 10 times over!! You can’t wait to be asked!

There are two roles available…

I would go for it!

It really is. I’ve seen people asked to apply and not get the job. She’s shooting herself in the foot. If she doesn’t get it she sees how the job is being interviewed for. Also, there are two jobs going.

You're not privvy to development conversations that your colleague has had.

Also with my managers hat on, based entirely on this thread, you don't seem mature enough to be promoted.

If you want a promotion you need to apply. Whilst you may not get it this time, they'll know that a)you want to develop and b)stay at the company and then they can develop you.