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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel offended by my colleague being promoted

59 replies

MrNosey · 05/12/2024 18:13

I love my colleague, we have a great working relationship. Today (in front of me!) she was taken to the side and offered a promotion. I’m really happy for her and want her to get the position.
However, it’s a role that I’m also qualified for - and I feel - sad that we potentially won’t be together. But also that - I’m not good enough??

OP posts:
healthybychristmas · 05/12/2024 18:32

Definitely apply for the other job. Don't discuss the application with her but don't hide it. Maybe you have skills and qualities your managers are unaware of. It's your chance to let them know.

Don't sulk and refuse to apply.

Microgal · 05/12/2024 18:33

MrNosey · 05/12/2024 18:30

I am happy in my role, but mainly because I love working with colleague who has been offered the promotion - so I wouldn’t have considered a different role or promotion.

There are two roles, so they would have explicitly said!

I understand that you are enjoying the job and working with her but staying stagnant In a role is not a great thing to do! I can guarantee you she was offered to apply/the job because she puts herself out there just that bit more, either that or she made noises to a manger in a review that she would like to move on and is aiming for promotion.

YourWildAmberSloth · 05/12/2024 18:38

So she hasn't been promoted, she has been asked to apply for one of the available posts. There is nothing stopping you from applying as well - maybe you'll both be successful. You have nothing to lose by applying but not sure why you're offended.

FlatShoesOnly · 05/12/2024 18:38

So she hasn’t been promoted in fact. She’s been asked to apply for a role. She may not get it.

There are two roles and you feel you are suitably qualified - just apply too for goodness sake! Direct your emotional energy somewhere positive rather than negative!

Danikm151 · 05/12/2024 18:41

A promotion was posted with a one day limit internally at work- i applied without telling anyone.
turns out I had all the skills management were looking for but they just didn’t know.

got the job - still friendly with the other person that was asked to apply.

you don’t know until you try.

Dagnabit · 05/12/2024 18:45

You might like working with your colleague but you can’t base all your career decisions on this! She could leave at any time. What would you do then? Follow her?

Original poster
MrNosey · 05/12/2024 18:47

Thank you all. TBH, I do feel quite ‘childish’ in my reaction. Also - I am actually qualified for the role, whereas my colleague isn’t. It would be a great opportunity for her - to then gain the qualification. I’m also a fair bit older.

The frustrating thing is that I’ve really helped settle a disruptive situation. I have implemented things that have made a difference. My colleague knows this.

But I’m not ‘personable’. My colleague is.

OP posts:
stardustbiscuits · 05/12/2024 18:50

Just apply. You will learn from it even if you don’t get it … what it is you need to be in with a chance next time, what your real career progression prospects are with that company. Or they might not know you have skills you’ve got. Or you could argue that your skill set will complement hers. Or how you have a good working relationship and could collaborate. Or lots of other things I would have no idea about!!

Original poster
MrNosey · 05/12/2024 18:51

Also, the role could make a real difference to her life. Whereas I have stability.

I just hate that I’ve had such a childish, jealous reaction!!

This is me in the wrong. I think IABU!!

OP posts:
xx11x · 05/12/2024 18:54

MrNosey · 05/12/2024 18:47

Thank you all. TBH, I do feel quite ‘childish’ in my reaction. Also - I am actually qualified for the role, whereas my colleague isn’t. It would be a great opportunity for her - to then gain the qualification. I’m also a fair bit older.

The frustrating thing is that I’ve really helped settle a disruptive situation. I have implemented things that have made a difference. My colleague knows this.

But I’m not ‘personable’. My colleague is.

Could it be that they don't think you are interested as you haven't applied even though you are qualified?
They may think your colleague would never have considered it because she isn't as qualified which may have put her off.
I'd 100% apply for it - you'll never know if you don't try.

Readnotscroll · 05/12/2024 18:58

why are you letting other people determine your future? Aside from your colleague, do you want the role? If so, just apply! I was once not even given an interview for a job I applied for, asked for feedback and the next time it came up (was unfilled the first time) I applied again and sent an email explaining why I thought they were wrong the first time. Got the job and stayed for 3 years. Don’t wait for others to tell you to go for things!!

Reallybadidea · 05/12/2024 18:58

You should absolutely apply for it. Don't let your pride get in the way. Yes, you might not get it, but at least you'll have tried instead of making assumptions.

Nanny0gg · 05/12/2024 18:59

MrNosey · 05/12/2024 18:30

I am happy in my role, but mainly because I love working with colleague who has been offered the promotion - so I wouldn’t have considered a different role or promotion.

There are two roles, so they would have explicitly said!

Maybe you've made it abundantly clear that you're happy where you are

What have you said in appraisals?

Reallybadidea · 05/12/2024 19:01

Hang on, how do you know what they said to your colleague?

Original poster
MrNosey · 05/12/2024 19:03

My colleague and I - I feel like we are a dream team. I feel we compliment each other so well. I don’t need the promotion right now, but I maybe it would put the stepping stones in place for the future.
I think - if she takes the role - she would push for me to join the team too.

I realise this sounds a bit pathetic! But I need to be asked. If it’s felt that I will fit in, then I’d consider it.

OP posts:
Harassedevictee · 05/12/2024 19:03

@MrNosey everyone is allowed 24 hours to be childish, jealous, upset etc. in private or on MN. After that you need to decide do you want to apply for the job or are you scared that a) you might get the job b) you might not get the job.

As there are two posts and you are qualified, go for it as long as you really want the job. The only person stopping you is you. The worst that happens is you don’t get it and keep your current job.

Original poster
MrNosey · 05/12/2024 19:04

@Reallybadidea I could hear! But she also told me.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrNosey · 05/12/2024 19:06

I think the ‘sting’ is potentially losing our working relationship as well as feeling sidelined.

OP posts:
YabbaDabbaDooooo · 05/12/2024 19:07

MrNosey · 05/12/2024 18:30

I am happy in my role, but mainly because I love working with colleague who has been offered the promotion - so I wouldn’t have considered a different role or promotion.

There are two roles, so they would have explicitly said!

I love working with colleague who has been offered the promotion - so I wouldn’t have considered a different role or promotion.

You're definitely not the right person for the job then.

It's nice to work with people we're friends with, but it's not necessary.

You can see each other outside of work or at lunchtime.

Thepurplepig · 05/12/2024 19:10

This happened to me except my friend was as dumb as they come. I left when they expected me to train her on the job she’d be doing. I have worked for myself ever since with income probably 20 times what she is now on.

It’s been 20 years and I’m still bitter but I got the last laugh.

allthatfalafel · 05/12/2024 19:11

How about wanting to be promoted because you want to be promoted, instead of wanting to be promoted now only because you want to be with your friend? It's not primary school.

Nanny0gg · 05/12/2024 19:11

MrNosey · 05/12/2024 19:03

My colleague and I - I feel like we are a dream team. I feel we compliment each other so well. I don’t need the promotion right now, but I maybe it would put the stepping stones in place for the future.
I think - if she takes the role - she would push for me to join the team too.

I realise this sounds a bit pathetic! But I need to be asked. If it’s felt that I will fit in, then I’d consider it.

None of this sounds remotely professional

5128gap · 05/12/2024 19:14

Commonsenseisnotsocommon · 05/12/2024 18:30

So you didn't even apply but are now miffed they have filled the role with your colleague? And this makes you 'offended'? My God, what a first world, petty problem to have. Overuse/incorrect use of offended do you think? Just trying being happy for her and work harder/be more ambitious for yourself next time.

Neither of them applied. But the manager has called OPs colleague over to ask her to apply. Managers do that when they want a person for a job. OP believed she and her colleague were 'equal' in competence and the regard of managers. She now knows her colleague is preferred over her to the point she is being persuaded to the job. OP sees no reason for this and is discomforted by it. As most people would be. OP has described this as 'offended' which is fine.

ProfessaChaos · 05/12/2024 19:18

We've had a situation in my team recently where 2 team members applied for the same promotion.

The younger less experienced team member who has been in the job less time got it.

The other team member has asked for feedback, which I am now needing to prepare. It's going to be difficult and I need to delicately deliver some home truths. The truth is that the person who got the promotion works harder, is more forthcoming and proactive, goes above and beyond, and has a great upbeat attitude. None of this is true for the other person but they seem completely oblivious to this.

If you think very honestly OP, can you think of some reasons they might have asked the other person to apply and not you?

YabbaDabbaDooooo · 05/12/2024 19:23

allthatfalafel · 05/12/2024 19:11

How about wanting to be promoted because you want to be promoted, instead of wanting to be promoted now only because you want to be with your friend? It's not primary school.

Exactly.

It looks as though the OP's colleague was chosen because they're perhaps a little more mature, and wouldn't let a workplace friendship hold them back?