Bf refusing to take care of our cat

[Jellyfishy20]

This year has been hard as I’ve been diagnosed with pcos and sleep apnea and also lost three family members in the space of three months so my mum booked a family holiday for a week in Spain. I have recently adopted a stray kitten with my boyfriend of three years, at first he didn’t want me to keep him but eventually fell in love with him. I’m due to fly to Spain next week and asked my boyfriend to take care of him whilst I’m away. At first he said he would but now he is being horrible to me saying he wished we never got him, how I’m abandoning him and the cat, he’s never doing another favour for me again, I have to pay for both of them when I’m away (I was going to put money towards food just as I always do each week) and it’s just making me feel sad because I want to enjoy the last couple of days and if he asked me to look after his family’s pet I happily would. My cat is too young to be put in a cattery and I feel like it would be too stressful and I don’t have anybody else to watch him. AIBU for expecting my boyfriend to look after our pet? He keeps saying he’s not going to do it but I fly away on Tuesday so I have no other option.

Yes he is, he has been for almost a year and a half. I had to stop working due to my health so because I receive pip he expects me to pay for all of the food due to him not having as much money as I do.

Does this guy have any redeeming features? Because he sounds absolutely immature, selfish and horrible.

I hope you get rid, find an alternate cat sitter and have the holiday of a lifetime wit to your mum.

Goodness me.

Are you both on the tenancy agreement?

He needs to go.

So his a complete cock lodger. Because his certainly not your career.

kick him and his freeloading ways out.

I would rather ask the idiot to leave and then ask around for a cat sitter if you haven't got a friend that could do it for a week.
Ask your local vet. They might know of someone.

My sister cat sits for people because she loves cats not for the money really.

I adopted a 4 week old kitten abandoned outside this time last year and kittens are a lot of work and need care he doesn't sound like he will provide. My son looks after him when I m away and it is a caring thing to do not just feed and check the litter tray.

I feel like your partner is using this kitten to manipulate you into not going on the holiday because you can't trust him to take proper care of the little thing.

Call his bluff and get alternative care. He can get an alternative house in the meantime.
I wouldn't trust him to accidentally on purpose let the kitten out and "lose" it.

tbh you both need to be an enthusiastic "yes" to get a kitten (or any pet)

So you need to choose how you are going to move forward with this. Can you put the cat in a cattery for the week, and park the discussion about how your relationship works for when you get back?

Because you really do need that conversation. And tbh it doesn't sound as though he is a lovely bloke you should be spending your life with.

ETA: sorry, missed the part about too young for a cattery. Can you ask around your friends for someone to take it for the week?

He doesn't want you to go a nasty controlling way to punish you.

It gets worse so he's a useless sponger who doesn't want to work....what's he good for?

Sorry wouldn't trust him NOT to accidentally on purpose let the kitten out and lose it

The big problem here doesn’t seem to be your bf not looking after your cat, it seems to be that too if bf sounds like a sulking, selfish, controlling, and manipulative prick. I’d see if anyone else can look after the cat and get rid of the bf for good.

Buy some food for the cat.
Don't leave him a penny.

Have a lovely holiday.

Dump him.

Fair point read this op.

It would be so easy to ooooos accidentally forgot to shut the door/close the window as his taken it and dumped it somewhere or worse. “See you should have never of gone away you’d still have your kitten if you’d just stayed home with me.”

Is he going to hurt the cat?

I would say that you are going on the holiday and you would really appreciate it if he could look after the kitten. Then I would ask him calmly whether he is okay to do it or whether you should ask a friend or neighbour to come and feed the kitten (in which case your partner will obviously look ridiculous but that's on him).

Then when you get back I would dump him because i) he was horrible and unsupportive when your family members died, ii) he has been messaging other girls, iii) he is trying to stop you going on holiday with your family, iv) he is claiming that he cannot look after his own cat in his own house for 1 week, v) he is randomly demanding you pay for his food as a favour for looking after his own cat. In short he is a dickhead.

Can you kick him out?

Geez OP, the man is a loser who is taking advantage of you.

Your PIP is for you, not him.

Find someone else to look after your cat. A cattery might not be ideal, but the cat will be safe and looked after, which is more than he is promising.

Go on the holiday, get a mental break, dump the boyfriend, start a better life with the cat.

After reading your updates, the cat is a massive red herring. He is using the cat to try to control you. He is also a cocklodger. Your family is right. Dump the boyfriend, use your money to pay for a cat sitter instead of his food, and go and enjoy your holiday as a single woman!

If he's unwilling to care for the cat that's fine. Give a set of keys to a family member or trusted neighbour and ask them to pop in each day to replenish food and water. Or use a cat sitting service. He sounds like a rubbish boyfriend who doesn't like or care for cats.

@Jellyfishy20 so sorry for your health and the losses you have faced.

my you find the strength to lose the dead weight partner you have hanging onto you and dragging you down once you’ve had a break from him.

If it wasn’t the kitten I’m sure he would have created some other scenario to try and take the shine of your holiday.

What I would start doing immediately is seeing if any cat charities or their volunteers could offer respite/fostering for a short term placement to cover your holiday period / relationship ending so the kitten is in a safe environment. I would not pussyfoot around - I would explain that you can’t trust your partner to provide suitable care right now. This would also mean he can’t hold the kittens care over your head as a threat and demand more money from you.

I’d also suggest that whilst you love the cat perhaps now is not the right time to keep him if a new home could be found.

whilst on holiday and you have the space please take some time to look at the practicalities of your relationship. So often these partner add to the sheer fatigue and fugue we feel when dealing with all the other shit life throws at us.

who’s home is it.
Has he a parent or a someone close by that he could stay with after the holiday etc?

You can’t make your health concerns disappear, but you can deal with this one issue and start planning how to separate your life’s.

you deserve better.

Exactly

Honestly WAKE UP.
your life is stressful enough without this USER.

this is blunt, but you NEED to hear it.

you're keeping him & he won't even look after your kitten for a week. He doesn't love you or the kitten.

can you move into your mums for a bit?!

ine if you needs to move out & you need to keep him away from you!

where abouts in the country are you??

So, looking at your posts:

• Your boyfriend won't do basic care for your cat, even as a favour to you while you're unwell.
• Your boyfriend messages other women behind your back
• Your boyfriend doesn't work and you finance his life through your PIP money

Can you seriously not see that this man is a scrounging cunt who doesn't even like you, let alone love you?

Seriously, this isn't about the bloody cat. Have some self-respect. You're being abused.

Dump the boyfriend, keep the cat. But I’d find a cattery pronto.

I reiterate what others have said. This is nothing to do with the cat, he's trying to sabotage your holiday. Don't let him

Who is on the tenancy agreement, how easily can you kick him out. I can see why your family hates him.