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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think WFH means I am WORKING

108 replies

Bounty9 · 05/12/2024 13:24

I got a fully remote job about 7 months ago. It's amazing - I love it. They are really flexible and I use my breaks to do drop off/pick up for DD who is 2 and all in all it's working well. She has had the odd day sick where I've been able to work because she's just laid on the sofa all day.

BUT, my DH thinks I am sat here dossing around all day. He gets pissy when I haven't put a wash on in the day because I've been too busy (some days are really full on and I get 10 min to eat my lunch, others are quieter and I use 10 min to tidy up round the house).

Today is his day off with DD and he woke up feeling 'really really unwell', which means he's been bed ridden all morning. I had to beg him to just watch her for half hour this morning whilst I had a 1:1 with my manager, and then he asked if I could take her out for the morning so he could rest and just 'work from my mobile'. It's driving me insane. Why does he think my job is any less busy or important because I WFH now and how do I get it into his head that I'm not here twiddling my thumbs.

OP posts:
anatomyk · 07/12/2024 09:27

NotTerfNorCis · 05/12/2024 13:35

There's a big campaign against WFH in the right wing press. It encourages people to believe that working from home means not working. Ironically, the journalists churning out these articles almost certainly work from home.

To be fair most of the wfh threads are about how great it is for chores, picking up the kids and getting all your jobs done.

KateDelRick · 07/12/2024 09:56

anatomyk · 07/12/2024 09:27

To be fair most of the wfh threads are about how great it is for chores, picking up the kids and getting all your jobs done.

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I think that's definitely something. It's obviously far more convenient for many, and the working day looks very different for some.

Itissunnysomewhere · 07/12/2024 09:58

PinkTonic · 07/12/2024 09:02

Yes, very clear why so many organisations are having to mandate return to office several days a week.

Edited
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I'm pretty sure that thread was filled with trolls tbh.

We have to record all our work in 6 minutes units. It must be hugely obvious to our employer that nearly everyone is significantly more productive at home. My chargeable hours are much higher on the days I am at home

I love being in the office because I like the social side of work. But it is impossible to focus on anything complex and there are constant interruptions

Paddymcpaddy · 07/12/2024 10:04

Itissunnysomewhere · 07/12/2024 09:58

I'm pretty sure that thread was filled with trolls tbh.

We have to record all our work in 6 minutes units. It must be hugely obvious to our employer that nearly everyone is significantly more productive at home. My chargeable hours are much higher on the days I am at home

I love being in the office because I like the social side of work. But it is impossible to focus on anything complex and there are constant interruptions

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Are you a lawyer or something??

Itissunnysomewhere · 07/12/2024 10:10

Paddymcpaddy · 07/12/2024 10:04

Are you a lawyer or something??

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Yes

Paddymcpaddy · 07/12/2024 10:17

Fuck me, 6 minute billing, this is why consultants and lawyers get paid stupid money!

EPN · 07/12/2024 10:24

He thinks this cos he is a man and 75% of them are idiots!!!

Portakalkedi · 07/12/2024 10:36

As we all know or hear of those 'WFH' taking the piss, it seems that anyone doing it is suspect. Shame if honest and responsible workers are tarred with the same brush though.

Switcher · 07/12/2024 10:40

My DH did that to me in lockdown. His job was supposedly much more important despite earning less. Then he jacked it all in , I work all hours in London and he has to do all the housework and the kids.

ChicDreamer · 07/12/2024 10:52

Itissunnysomewhere · 07/12/2024 08:30

And yet the work I do is just as complex and just as serious. In fact I save the really complex drafting and research for days when I am working at home. In the office it is far harder to focus for a sustained period.

It's rather superficial to think an outfit affects the seriousness of the job. Some of the best lawyers I know are the least well dressed. Some of the snappiest dressers were utterly negligent lawyers

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This.
Two of the most important jobs in the UK are done by people who work from home (they haven't worked in offices for 18+ years although in both cases it is security-related, not because they have a choice). Neither of them gets 'dressed up for work'.

Nothatgingerpirate · 07/12/2024 10:54

Best if work was conducted from offices again -
lots of misunderstanding would be avoided.

DilemmaDelilah · 07/12/2024 11:30

Just having a bit of a rant about people's perceptions of what WFH means here.... I have 2 lovely sisters. I also WFH 3 days a week. I am unwell and not able to travel far from home at the moment, so can't visit my sisters. They sometimes offer to come and see me, which is lovely... Except....

'Can I come and see you on Tuesday?' No I'm sorry I work on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. 'Oh, well how about Wednesday then?' I work on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. 'We can come in your lunch hour?' I get half an hour for lunch and I frequently end up having a sandwich at my desk because I have to fit in it between meetings. 'We won't be any trouble and we can pick lunch up for all of us on our way' That's a lovely thought but actually it means having to ensure the kitchen is respectable enough for guests, laying the table, and finding time to chat whilst still cramming a sandwich down my gullet AND having time for a wee. (I don't actually say that of course).

There are 4 days in the week when I don't work. Why does their convenience (they are retired) trump mine? I WORK (albeit from home) 3 days a week - just arrange things so that you come to visit on a day when I don't work!

Mummyto7lovelife · 07/12/2024 13:25

Do you have just the one child) I'd be speaking to him and saying just because my home environment is my work space, I cannot be mixing my work with my home life just like he cannot outside the home. I would also highlight the impact he is having on you by being such a Pain, in doing what he is doing and saying regarding WFH I would definitely move environments but just say it's impacting your work that much that financially it going to impact the house, and emotionally it will impact yourself tell him if he continues to not be a team you will be considering your future options. Because why be with a man that cannot support you? You may as well be alone, because it sounds like you are doing most of the physical work alone. You didn't get pregnant alone, so I wouldn't be putting up with this and the way he is expecting you to do jobs whilst you are at home we are not in the 50s anymore, you are working from home!

BiddyPop · 07/12/2024 15:14

I manage to get the odd day to WFH rather than the office - it has always meant a fully occupied work day and I am lucky if I can grab a coffee during it.

Very very occasionally, if something gets cancelled usually, I will get time for lunch and throw a load of laundry on while the kettle boils or whatever. Definitely no time for housework or childcare.

ilovegranny · 08/12/2024 18:17

How refreshing to hear from a woman - and mother - who understands the meaning of WFH. When lockdown kicked in, my husband used to come into the room where I was working, while I was on a call, and stand staring at me in order to attract my attention. We have one massive conversation and it stopped. Stick to your guns.

Rockchicknana · 08/12/2024 19:37

Lavender14 · 05/12/2024 13:40

I would say if he's genuinely too ill to look after your dd then you need to take the day off too look after her op. Or even half a day.

I would say on the whole though, his general attitude to it is wick.

The DD was unwell - it was his day off.

Idontcareboutthestateofmyhair · 08/12/2024 20:25

Yeah since I've been WFH four days instead of two I'm left with everything in the house bar bins and emptying the dishwasher. I'm bloody exhausted. Other folk actually act like I don't work anymore too.. family phoning me for chats thru the day, asking me to do this or pick things up...I'm working!

Paddymcpaddy · 09/12/2024 07:12

Portakalkedi · 07/12/2024 10:36

As we all know or hear of those 'WFH' taking the piss, it seems that anyone doing it is suspect. Shame if honest and responsible workers are tarred with the same brush though.

I’m sure that the people taking the piss would be the same ones in the office taking the piss… I had a manager who had the nickname ‘The Invisible Man’ as he was never to be seen - always at a ‘meeting’ or going somewhere, or chatting to people on another floor or whatever. He was in, just never at his desk or available when you needed him.
If he’d put in half the effort working as he did skivving he’d have been CEO…

foodforclouds · 09/12/2024 07:21

ThatTealViewer · 05/12/2024 14:08

Of course you need to push back.

I never really understand threads like this. Your DH is being hugely unreasonable, and you’re fully aware of it. Yet, you just seem to be tolerating it, as opposed to categorically stating to him what you’ve said here. Why is that?

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Sometimes you categorically states and it goes through one year and out the other

pumpkinpillow · 09/12/2024 07:49

Rockchicknana · 08/12/2024 19:37

The DD was unwell - it was his day off.

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In the OP she states "Today is his day off with DD and he woke up feeling 'really really unwell'"

Hazeby · 09/12/2024 07:55

Go back to the office. You were clearly happier with that arrangement.

Codlingmoths · 09/12/2024 07:56

Do you share finances? Because I’d say if you expect me to keep house and parent like I barely have a job, then you can fund us and I’ll keep my salary that I have to earn between parenting and cleaning as ‘pin money’. Or, we carry on sharing finances but you show you appreciate all the juggling I do to manage dd and you stop throwing a hissy fit because I haven’t also done the washing.

pumpkinpillow · 09/12/2024 08:16

Hazeby · 09/12/2024 07:55

Go back to the office. You were clearly happier with that arrangement.

How did you come up with that? OP says "I got a fully remote job about 7 months ago. It's amazing - I love it. They are really flexible and I use my breaks to do drop off/pick up for DD who is 2 and all in all it's working well."

pumpkinpillow · 09/12/2024 08:18

Idontcareboutthestateofmyhair · 08/12/2024 20:25

Yeah since I've been WFH four days instead of two I'm left with everything in the house bar bins and emptying the dishwasher. I'm bloody exhausted. Other folk actually act like I don't work anymore too.. family phoning me for chats thru the day, asking me to do this or pick things up...I'm working!

How long have you been putting up with it? Why are you working yourself to exhaustion due to other people's ignorance and selfishness?

ThatTealViewer · 09/12/2024 09:55

foodforclouds · 09/12/2024 07:21

Sometimes you categorically states and it goes through one year and out the other

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Sometimes. That hasn’t happened here, however.

Tbh, if you mean what you state and you are willing to follow through, it very rarely ‘goes in one ear and out the other’, in my experience. Nobody can make you do anything. If she says ‘when I wfh, I am working - I will not be doing chores and it’s utterly ridiculous that you’d expect me to’ and then acts accordingly, that’s that.

Other than childcare, which is always a wildcard (when they’re sick, they’re sick, for example) everything else can wait until such a time as it’s convenient for one of them to do it.