Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

Do you tell your partner what you want for Christmas?

115 replies

SofandaCox · 04/12/2024 18:49

My friend sends links to her husband and he buys it and wraps it. Surely this isn’t normal? I’d be so upset if I had to do this for my husband! What’s the point in wrapping a present when your partner already knows what it is? What do you do?

OP posts:

Daisy12Maisie · 04/12/2024 22:34

3 years running I've been given a voucher for my partners favourite restaurant. Lovely but ultimately it's his favourite restaurant not mine. There is somewhere else I have always wanted to go. A sentimental reason behind it and I've told him this probably 20 times over the last 3 years but it's been ignored. This year I have said for Christmas I want you to get me x (the thing I would like rather than him getting me what he would like). Yes that does take the surprise away and yes it would be nice if he got me a present that he knew I would love because he wanted to rather than just getting me something that's effectively for him but if I didn't spell it out then I'll continue to get a gift basically for him every year.
It would have made me especially cross this year as I have got him something I know he will absolutely love. It's very expensive but I've been planning/ thinking about arranging it for early a year. I don't expect that level of effort for me but I'm making it so easy for him and have literally told him what I would like.

The thing i would like is a lot cheaper than what he gets me every year so it's not even about cost. I'm not sure if he is deliberately being difficult and bossy eg we are going to my fav restaurant for "you" or if he just forgets every Christmas and birthday what I have told him I would love to do (it's an experience that I know he would enjoy as well but ultimately it's for me.)
I will be so annoyed if he gets me the voucher for his favourite restaurant this year and I've got him something that he will love.
Obviously if he was thoughtful and caring all year round then presents wouldn't matter but he isn't!

ooprlgd · 04/12/2024 22:41

I think it's worth considering love languages as well. I know some may find it a bit sappy or woo but it really resonates with me, me and my mum absolutely love giving and receiving gifts, we relish the look the of joy and feel genuine feelings of love when we are gifted something, and show our love that way. My brother and my husband are really not motivated by gifts in the same way, my brother especially seems to find receiving gifts really uncomfortable. My husband knows I love gifts so tries to make an effort on my behalf (and often does very well), but I've learned it's not how he shows his love and see his shows his love in different ways. I think if this is how your relationship works, and you feel love in other ways, sending links is a way of distressing Christmas.

Mrscharlieeeee · 04/12/2024 22:46

I always give my dh ideas. I thought that was quite normal tbh, he wouldn't even know what a Diptyque candle was otherwise 🤣

countrygirl99 · 05/12/2024 04:07

DH and I usually get each other something hobby related. We have different hobbies and wouldn't have a clue if we didn't give each other ideas. Usually give a range though.

DarkAndTwisties · 05/12/2024 06:26

Depends what I want, but generally I tell him. This year I want some boots and have sent a link, because I'm picky and wouldn't expect anyone to be able to pick out ones I'd love. And I wouldn't expect him to know that boots were what I wanted.

He's told me he wants tickets to something specific, I wouldn't have thought of it myself.

I don't see the point in both of us trying to find the perfect gift when probably the other person knows what they want and could just say.

As we have joint money, arguably we could just both buy our own thing and not bother with the pretence of it being a gift. I'd be ok with this, but DH prefers to do it as a present. We will each take our 5 year old to the shop to get something from her to the other parent, so we'll get a small surprise then.

andydidnt · 05/12/2024 08:38

It's all crazy isn't it? I'm so glad I stopped it - hours traipsing around shops desperately trying to find that gift that will say you care - so many hours wasted, the person probably would have preferred something else but then pretends they are delighted and thinks can I exchange?
There's real pressure on you to keep doing it as well - people say they want something to open on Christmas morning - sometimes that thing is something they chose, bought and wrapped for themselves!!! As long as the retailers keep selling the dream of a very Merry Christmas delivered by a beautifully wrapped gift and we can all keep pretending.
Every time I have reduced the present burden I've been met with masses of resistance - yet I dont' think anyone really loves what they get - they act grateful and wonder why no one "knows" what they really want.
I got what I wanted - an end to shopping for over 30 people every year - it totally sucked the joy and the thought out of every purchase and by the time it came to the idea of having to tell dh what I wanted - I'd done enough thinking about gifts, I just wanted it all to stop. A kiss on Christmas morning was enough.

Notaflippinclue · 05/12/2024 13:56

No I go and treat myself and show him what he's bought me. Works for us after 50 years as some of the early years he bought shite.

DazedAndConfused2024 · 05/12/2024 14:02

My OH bought me a brooch for my birthday. I am not 90! Without fail, his gifts always miss the mark…

Original poster

SofandaCox · 05/12/2024 14:08

I guess I’m just lucky then that we are good gift buyers. But I would be really upset with my husband if he asked me to send him a list. I’d rather he just didn’t bother at all.

OP posts:

BinkyBeaufort · 05/12/2024 17:46

DH asked me, on our first Christmas together, what I'd like as a present.
I replied that as long as I had him I didn't want anything else. He took me at my word.
Still, it saves me having to fret about what to buy him, and how to feign delight at some ill- thought piece of tat.
(To be fair, I've probably had a present every other decade).

NewName24 · 05/12/2024 17:51

Seems you are in a pretty small minority @SofandaCox .

Will you let your friend know ?

Notaflippinclue · 05/12/2024 17:52

When we were courting and bought our first house in the 70s I bought him a pick and shovel - his parents were livid! When we got married I bought him an an apron for the kitchen!, that tipped them over the edge!

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 05/12/2024 17:57

I have had...err...quite a lot of men and not ONE of them has been able to pick a decent present for me, even after having been trotted through many shops and had things pointed at with a good deal of 'ooooh, I'd LOVE one of those for Christmas!' They would all swear that they had absolutely no idea what I wanted (and I also have one or two equipment-heavy hobbies) and couldn't POSSIBLY be left to choose something. So I'd tell them what I wanted and then get something roughly like what I wanted but usually cheaper or crapper or both.

So I don't know what the answer is. To buy your own presents, probably. But I think the answer is really to give a lot of men a bloody good kick up the arse and telling to LISTEN to their partner rather than just nod whilst wondering about the football scores.

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 05/12/2024 17:58

*obviously I don't condone kicking anyone up the arse in real life. A metaphorical kick would be fine.

Original poster

SofandaCox · 05/12/2024 20:00

NewName24 · 05/12/2024 17:51

Seems you are in a pretty small minority @SofandaCox .

Will you let your friend know ?

No I’m choosing this particular hill to die on 🤣

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4 5