Little one is flower girl for someone else's wedding. Expensive!!

[Crosswind22]

So, the dress was bought for me - it was cheap I know but really I don't mind as she will only wear it one day but I did mind that this is a winter occasion and the dress is summer. Anyway, I've had to buy her shoes, tights, a warm cardigan /coat, and now to top it off, I have to do her own hair on the day and buy a headpiece/Clip. Something I thought would be made with matching flowers or even matching material from bridesmaid's dresses.. To be fair, they didn't want her wearing tights or a cover up but sorry, this is a January wedding with photos being taken outside so maybe that's why I'm expected to buy it all? Sorry but everyone I speak to is talking about the faux fur they bought why should my 2-year-old freeze just to look in their eyes, cute?

Am I being unreasonable?

So I had a January wedding with a bridesmaid who was a bit younger than 2 😂 I got the dress and honestly it didn't cross my mind to sort anything else. I'm imagining they don't have kids and have a whole wedding to plan, they are so unlikely to be acting selfishly those details just aren't on their radar.
The venue will be warm and I'm sure they're not expecting her to be outside for ages just quickly for photos, as people have said she could wear a normal coat and take it off quickly for photos. The parents of our flower girl got her a cardi which was fine by us but to be honest I hadn't thought about paying for that at all. If my little one was invited to be involved in a wedding party I would have any expectations past the dress or suit.

£50 is a huge amount of money to some of us.

Why would a 2 year old have shoes, a coat and tights suitable to wear to a wedding? My kids didn’t at 2. Not sure if crocs and a Parker would look the part. Even at 10 and 7 they still would need a new outfit for a wedding.

and now to top it off, I have to do her own hair on the day and buy a headpiece/Clip. Something I thought would be made with matching flowers or even matching material from bridesmaid's dresses

This suggests you are being a bit precious / over-valuing your DD's importance in the day, or just looking to be annoyed. Surely nobody expects a 2 year old to have their hair professionally done, and with a bespoke hair clip?!

I couldn’t get het up about this. My girls have been flower girls at a family member’s wedding. I bought their dresses, cardis, hair accessories, shoes etc. Would not have thought for one second about asking the bride & groom to pay.

My Sister and I were once promised we’d be flower girls. At the last minute it was announced it would just be the bride’s new step daughters. My sisters and I winged about it for probably a decade afterwards/our entire childhood & mentioned it to the bride/Mum’s cousin. Neither of us ever got the opportunity to be flower girls.

I think weddings are expensive and that this is unreasonable but brides tend to get distracted because weddings are generally a circus.

I would just deduct the cost from what you would have spent on a gift if you weren’t part of the bridal party. She’ll probably buy your dd a sweet gift or be appreciative or make it up to her in some other way down the track so it’s best to be gracious. Enjoy the memories and the photos and the gift of confidence that she got to be a flower girl in someone’s wedding !

I would expect the dress to be provided, but wouldn't have an issue buying the other bits.

I think we bought our flower girl the dress and shoes as we wanted her to wear shoes that she wouldn't wear again. We bought our pageboy's suit but he wanted to wear his trainers which he already owned.

Are you sure the photos are outside, we went to a wedding last week and they had some photos inside the church and some at the reception venue, inside because of the weather. If the photos are inside surely she can wear any coat and just take it off when you get to the venue. For her hair just let her pick a clip she already has.

It is an honour.
I would expect to pay for everything except the dress and flowers for her hair.
I don't think it's unusual for bridesmaids to have to buy their own shoes, tights or cardigan but older bridesmaids usually have their hairdresser paid for and flowergirls too.
Buy a hair ribbon at the haberdashery section.

My boys were page boys/flower boys/something of that ilk when they were 5 and 2. The then 5 year old has multiple disabilities and we were quite worried about him coping, however it was my brother and his first wife getting married and they were very reassuring and lovely about it all. I naively assumed that the then 2 year old would perform his responsibilities as requested. I don’t know what I was thinking. DS1 managed spectacularly well and loved his starring role, however it turned out afterwards that he’d managed to get himself into every single photo. DS2 picked up his share of the flower petals to scatter, bunged them all in a disorganised heap at the very beginning of the aisle, and then refused to walk any further. He spent the rest of the wedding either making his way through a family sized pack of biscuits (I know, I know 🤦‍♀️) or half asleep in his buggy. He was two. I should have known.

She can just wear them for things after though. For parties or maybe even a nativity role at nursery or something. Or you could sell them as being worn once.

Is it somewhere warm abroad? Surely if it's Northern Europe, they won't be doing photos outside in January!

I would get tights, shoes and cardi from Matalan. You'd get change from £30, and maybe get a cute hairband as well.

Then the bride should have factored the cost in.

The only thing that bridesmaids should pay for imo, are things they can wear again, like shoes.
But if the bride wants specific things, she pays

And you don't get married in winter and expect small children to freeze

Not really the point but when I got married I got my flower girls shoes, tights etc between dunnes and primark. Worked out about a tenner a child

Op you’re missing the bigger picture, she’s been asked to be a flower girl, which is lovely!
She only has to stay in the dress for the ceremony and pictures, once that’s done you can change her into something warmer.

Willing to bet she has gold or silver shoes? A 2 year old?? More likely a pair of sensible Clarks or some grubby trainers

I couldn’t get upset at the price of a hair clip and a pair of tights.
A white cardigan and shoes will be nice for plenty of parties, and surely she can wear the dress again too.

She doesn’t need ivory shoes, don’t be daft.

She can't wear grubby runners either though, I definitely would have had to buy something suitable for mine at that age. Which I would have happily done (and bought cheap and brought the runners for after the photos!), but I don't think most 2yos have such an array of footwear that they have something suitable for a wedding already. Shoes fit them for about ten minutes at that age!

You say that as if £50 is nothing, surely you realise that's a lot of money for some folk, and even if it can be managed it's a lot for a one off occasion of a few hours.

YANBU OP, I would have expected the whole outfit to be provided and be weather appropriate for January.

I think if you want a flower girl for a winter wedding, you must expect to cover the costs of suitable winter clothing, especially if its expected that there will be outdoor activities/photos....additionally churches can be blooming cold.....either that or you raise the matter with the parents at the time of asking but then you should accept what the parents provide.

The one at the last wedding I went to was enchanting and impeccably behaved.

Because I'm weird, I had a squint at Matalan kids clothes, and you can get silver shoes, cream tights and a cream cardi for £21. Why am I so invested in this?? Why?!

I don't know. It wouldn't bother me as if she wasn't a flower girl you'd probably be buying her clothes for the wedding anyway?

In my day yes, but these days? Most toddlers have excellent clothes. All my friends' little girls have sparkly stuff to wear - even my son to a lesser extent.

And if you look on Vinted you will see a multitude of barely worn gold or silver toddler shoes for a few quid.

am willing to bet she has some cute gold or silver shoes

😂😂😂 What utter nonsense.