Little one is flower girl for someone else's wedding. Expensive!!

[Crosswind22]

So, the dress was bought for me - it was cheap I know but really I don't mind as she will only wear it one day but I did mind that this is a winter occasion and the dress is summer. Anyway, I've had to buy her shoes, tights, a warm cardigan /coat, and now to top it off, I have to do her own hair on the day and buy a headpiece/Clip. Something I thought would be made with matching flowers or even matching material from bridesmaid's dresses.. To be fair, they didn't want her wearing tights or a cover up but sorry, this is a January wedding with photos being taken outside so maybe that's why I'm expected to buy it all? Sorry but everyone I speak to is talking about the faux fur they bought why should my 2-year-old freeze just to look in their eyes, cute?

Am I being unreasonable?

I think it would be polite to show the bride the outfit additions you’ve chosen (take a photo of daughter dressed up)
and be clear that you expect her to have a warm layer on at all times outside, if the bride would prefer a different shrug, fur coat, cardigan then she could choose an alternative, but in January your daughter won’t be wearing just a dress.

id be warm and enthusiastic, but also pragmatic

I would expect to do a 2 year olds hair myself, the other things, they could cover.

But I wouldn’t mind, but if I was on a tight budget I might

Weddings are just expensive

I’d be asking the bride to contribute, the dress is a minor part considering you need her hair piece/shoes/cardigan/tights. Are they expecting you to leave her in just the dress in January? YANBU!

I would have had a chat about expectations when the offer was made - it's fairly straightforward isn't it?

Them: "So pleased she will do it - we will buy the dress."
You: "She's really excited - will you also cover shoes/stole/etc."

She can wear her normal coat on the day can't she and then just take it off for a matter of seconds for photographs - no one is photographed in their coat in wedding pictures normally. You seem to be really cross about this and yet you agreed for her to do it. Is there more to it than the additional expenditure (which should have been resolved with a conversation earlier)?

you need all those things anyway (tights, coat, cardigan) so idk why that's an issue. Hair clip? don't bother if they're not arranging it. Tell them this so they have a chance.

Your daughter was part of a bridal party wearing wellies. Unless you were the bride I think that was a pretty poor decision on your part.

The whole wedding is costing us about £1000 if not more to fly over, dress us and gifts which we did budget for throughout the year just these extra bits are all adding! You're right though we should of communicated more. Anyway, the wedding will be great, luckily we can make more money and all is fine!

OP you need to chill out and enjoy the experience. Your little girl will have a lovely day and warm everyone's hearts.
Don't be a grinch!
Vinted has masses of bargains for little ones, or maybe a friend has an item or two to lend you.
Jeez, just enjoy the experience.

I think you've got some snippy replies here. I think YANBU because most standard kids wardrobes don't include stuff suitable to wear in a wedding party. If my children were asked to be in a wedding party they'd have to have a lot of new stuff.

Thinking about it, when DD was a flower girl, it was just the dress that was paid for. We were lucky though as it was summer, so no need to worry about tights/cardigan. Also, no added requirements re hair style, so I just styled it was usual and she wore her usual shoes. I do appreciate there's no way, she can go without a cardigan and tights though. As they haven't provided them, I'd be tempted to get them in a matching colour, so they could be worn again. If bride doesn't like your choice (don't take labels off so can be return), suggest she politely source her own choice.

Entirely missing the point of the thread but why does somebody want a two year old to be a flower girl? The kid will either be terrified, asleep, or wandering off into the crowd.

To be honest in this situation you should have put your child in something more suitable. My kids slob about in joggies etc but they’re told to dress appropriately for the occasion.

parents need to parent.

Perhaps she's their family and they love her and have reasonable expectations for her behaviour but still want her included?

My DD was a "flower girl" as a newborn and spent the ceremony screaming in another room, but it's what you do with family isn't it.

I was thinking this exactly! My DD was a flower girl aged 4 and she was JUST about ok, but it was hit and miss whether she'd just cut and run when walking down the aisle. And my other daughter was almost 2 at the same wedding, wearing a beautiful cream and yellow dress, toddled around and tripped over, cut her chin and bled all over it! Good thing she wasn't expected to be in lots of photos!

Honestly, I'd absolutely expect to do my childs hair myself, and would use her existing clips and elastics. She doesn't need a fancy tiara or anything, she's 2 years old, and not the bride!

I'd put her in her "party" shoes, and I'd put her normal coat on outside for all but the actual photos she's in, where she'd just be in her dress, surely. I might buy tights, or might just put her in regular long white socks, but I'd expect to provide underwear anyway, and it's a very minimal expense. I'd probably take a regular plain cardi with me if she was cold inside at the party, but doubt she'd need it.

OP, are you sure you're not buying a lot of fancy things your DD doesn't need because of your desire to dress her up in a lot of fancy accessories? She's not the star of this show! The parts of the wedding she's actually in, she'll be expected to be just in her dress, the other parts any cardi/coat will do.

She should wear something warm enough and they should pay for it. Unless they are happy for her to wear something she already has

I think you are being a bit unreasonable. You can buy her a pair of cream tights in Asda for a few quid, put a t shirt under the dress, put her nicest coat over it and just take it off when you get indoors, and I am willing to bet she has some cute gold or silver shoes but if not you can buy them on Vinted for less than a fiver.

As for getting her hair done?! She is a toddler. Just comb her hair and stick a nice clip in it.

That's not a flower girl though is it? A flower girl means you scatter flower petals down the aisle as one of the bride's assistants. A baby at the wedding is just... a baby at a wedding. Which doesn't mean they're not much loved and much appreciated by the family!

I don't think anyone benefits from getting overly prescriptive about the roles of small children at weddings. I don't think I've ever seen a flower girl actually sprinkling petals in real life either, for that matter.

I'm going to a winter wedding - thermals all the way!
A friend had a winter wedding with a young bridesmaid and she ensured the little one had a fleece lined stole to wrap around her. It had decorative material on the outside - was perfect and suitable.
Bride at this wedding could have been much more imaginative with warm layers for your little one and looked perfectly bridesmaidy too!

I feel like you're nit picking. Children's tights, shoes and cardigans don't cost much and she can wear them again. You don't need to get a 2 year olds hair professionally done either, just make it neat.

Something about weddings just makes people find fault or offence, and make it about themselves. Would you have been offended if she wasn't asked to be a flower girl? The couple probably haven't thought to offer to buy tights because they didn't ask her to wear them, and they assume she has shoes.

She can have a coat or a cloak to wear outside and take off indoors for the ceremony, that's the usual thing for a winter wedding. You can pick up some really nice and appropriate things on ebay and the like. Put some flowers on a headband for her hair. She'll look lovely.

My dd has been a flower girl a few times. Each one in lousey weather. Each one expensive. I cannot imagine them upset if your dd has a coat on except for the pictures. Also 2 is a bad idea on their end. Even at 5 my daughter forgot to throw the petals till the alter. The ring boys 3 and 4 got half way to the alter and had a rest with relatives they saw in the seats.

Well that's extra information! I hope you all have a very good time.

They sound thoughtless, op. I had a mid winter wedding, and picked a style of dress that my flower girls could wear thermals under, as well as making cute fur wraps and muffs for them. Paid for the shoes as well.

There’s a cost of living crisis and I would t appreciate having to buy stuff that won’t get worn again (if it’s not instantly destroyed by a 2 year old being 2) for someone else’s Instagram moment.