Catering for vegans

[PieandPotatoes]

We have friends who come and stay regularly. One is a vegan. They never bring any food with them. It takes me ages to do the food shopping (checking labels for ingredients). We spend loads on oatmilk, vegan cheese/yoghurt etc and we end up cooking two dishes at mealtimes as my husband refuses to eat anything without meat. I think that they should at least bring some vegan food with them. What do you think?

It's still not up to others to accommodate you.

I'm not sure what you think you're explaining tbh.
Veganism is a choice.
Vegetarianism is a choice.
Meat eating is a choice.
Neither choice is better or more important.

Excellent and well thought out post @kiraric
Like you I cater for my guests, but then we only have people to stay that a) we have invited and b) that we want to see.

If hosts and guests aren't prepared to respect each other dietary choices than maybe the visitors should stay in an airbnb or similar and just meet up with their friends for a meal out instead.

The best thing to do is not go out of your way to buy things that you wouldn't buy if the vegans weren't coming. Loads of "normal" food is actually vegan - boiled vegetables for instance.

Make your meal as usual and give them parts of it that are still vegan, e.g. if you're doing a roast you could give them stuffing balls, carrots, sprouts etc. whilst everyone else gets the meat and potatoes and other good stuff. (They can have potatoes too if you don't use animal fat in basting.) Tea and coffee are vegan, just let them have it black.

Do this and they'll soon get the message, either they need to contribute or stop coming.

People who invite themselves regularly should be bringing their own things. They sound like cheeky fuckers who happen to be vegan

So much to unpack in this scenario!

Definitely you could be asking them to bring some oat milk or similar if none of you drink it.

I would skip the things they hardly touch like vegan cheese - if it’s not an ingredient in meals then I guess they didn’t feel the need of it.

Your husband is part of the problem in that he insists on meat - so in many ways he’s the difficult eater in this scenario as otherwise everyone could just eat the same food. It’s quite easy to make a vegan meal that everyone could enjoy like a curry with coconut milk or a bean chilli or similar.

Otherwise the suggestions of vegan sausages and mash with a meat sausages option for Mr Fussy could work?

Or do a curry two ways he if really has to have meat.

I do that every day as DD is vegetarian and DS has alot of dislikes in terms of veg (ADHD with sensory issues so just “fussy”) and don’t find it very difficult to do the same thing two ways.

But equally if they’re inviting themselves they shouldn’t be making your lives harder.

Nole
What is your point exactly?
Omnivores have no restrictions.
Vegans don't eat dairy eggs meat fish etc.
So if they are away from home vegans need to either take food, cook food or be catered for.

Nole

'Veganism is a choice. Most vegans could safely eat meat, they just choose not to, for various reasons (health, ethical, misinformation). Clearly that's their choice. It's also ok for someone to choose to eat meat.'

Again, veganism is not a dietary choice but an ethical lifestyle. It's not for health or diet alone - that would be a plant based diet.
It's about opposing animal cruelty and abuse in the industry and by not killing or using animals for food, and often for reducing harm to the environment.

Again, veganism is a dietary choice, driven by a variety of factors.

No it's not it's an entire lifestyle choice so skincare toiletries furniture clothes shoes

They only eat vegan food and they are strict about this - they actually try to lecture us when we are eating meat which we find very annoying

The vegans I know (mainly religious reasons) don't behave like this; the only ones who do are the latest fad variety who are usually the ones to make a huge fuss about what they "don't eat", only to help themselves to something inappropriate with a silly smirk and an "Oh this doesn't count"

With the first type I'm only too happy to cater (got some brilliant recipes from them too )- with the second they're invited once and then not again

It's a choice, we're discussing it in the context of food here.

The reasoning behind it is irrelevant
It is a choice
They choose to be vegan
They don't have to
They choose to
Dress it up anyway you like
It's a choice

I agree it is bad manners but so is telling them that their food is like plastic.

Just say to them outright that they need to bring all of the specialist vegan items as they’re both hard to source and far more expensive. I find it mind blowing that they don’t!

I have significant allergies and things which are safe for me are equally expensive (5 x the cost of the ‘normal’ version or thereabouts). I wouldn’t expect anyone else to buy them!

You know yes, it's a choice to eat fish, it's a choice to eat dead animals and drink cows milk.
It seems that choosing not to is viewed as more of a problem. Not sure why?

You really don't need any specialist items. Just vegetables etc

I don't think it's a problem at all. I think it's just as valid as choosing to eat meat. Both choices are equally valid but apparently the OP's husband is a spoilt brat for exercising his right to choose in his own home.

Have you not read the whole thread then?

I am a vegan and if I am going somewhere I always take my own 'main' bits, and then have whatever veg the host is cooking.

Usual situations are;
Christmas-my Mum will cook veg without goose fat for me and keep aside, along with stuffing that hasn't been in the bird. I will bring my own version of a roast, and some sundries, I usually bring dessert too.

Friends BBQs/casual dinners-sometimes friends will buy something for me but inevitably others eat it too so I'll bring myself a 'main' and have their bread products and veg/sides if suitable.

Dinner at friends who are not familiar at all, I'll ask what they're cooking and explain easy adaptations. If there are none or if everything is getting done in animal fat for example I'll say I'll bring my own, sometimes dropping it off for them to cook in case they want me to.

Exception-I have a fabulous friend who's a great cook and eagerly embraces the opportunity to cook something different. If I am visiting her, she'd be totally offended if I brought anything more than a gift for her (she doesn't even like this to be honest) a bottle of wine and myself.

If she lived at the top of a hill I'd roll down it on my way out.

@Cosyblankets "Both choices are equally valid but apparently the OP's husband is a spoilt brat for exercising his right to choose in his own home."

He is a spoiled brat to refuse to have one meal without meat to friends. I have a friend who is one of those people for whom coriander tastes like soap. I could exercise my right to put coriander in a meal I was cooking when she is here because I like it. Or I could not be a dick and leave it out. Ditto my dil who loathes the smell-never mind the taste-of truffle. Good rule of thumb that. Don't be a dick.

He's not the one who invited himself to someone else's house though is he? Maybe he'd be a bit more accommodating if they were actually invited.

I will bend over backwards to accommodate allergies. I have a friend with coeliac and when he comes for a meal we clean the whole kitchen, cook his meal in separate dishes, buy specific food for him and begrudge none of it.

I'm very happy to be flexible with my many vegetarian and vegan friends and family - we make sure there's plenty available for them, but I would never stop eating our normal food because someone else chooses to eat another way.

I do however avoid having any sort of pork when my parents stay as they keep kosher (as did I growing up) but this would be really hard for them to be around and they are my parents. They have worked to become flexible enough around all the other non kosher things that we do, but my mom's reaction to pork is pretty visceral and I don't want to cause her pain. This could be how vegans see some of the food I eat regularly so I'd likely try to be mindful of that.

My mom has never lectured me in my own home though! That's where I lose patience with these 'friends'. If you have those sorts of strong opinions and really can't cope with the way your friends live, then stop inviting yourself to their house!

Just putting this here again - I believe we've only scratched the surface of this area of research

https://www.bbc.co.uk/food/articles/genes_stop_vegetarian#:~:text=There%20isn%27t%20a%20genetic,start%20or%20stop%20a%20vegetarian

Observing the different strands of my family and reflexes of kids has me convinced genetics play a far bigger part than many are willing to admit. And it's also the reason why I have no time for people who think that those who struggle with vegan meals, even for a couple of days, are being unnecessarily difficult. It's far more complex.

Not to mention the very real digestive issues that many experience with high fiber meals.