At which age were you the ‘Real you’ the most?

[Thenversusnow]

I was reading an interview with one of my favourite authors, she often writes about the teenage years and the intensity of female friendships at that age. She said she enjoys writing about this, because of all the stages she’s been through…child, teen, young career woman, mother and so on…she still feels that those teens years and the person she was then is the closest to the real her. I feel the same about myself.
Hope this makes sense

At what age/stage in your life were you the realest you?

Right now.

I feel a weird sense of unease sometimes thinking about myself in the past, at any age, because I feel fundamentally different to that person now, even though I felt entirely myself then too. It’s like not recognising your own reflection.

Mid to late 20s.

41 now, I didn't really do much then that I don't do now, but when I hit 30 we bought a house and had DS. Everything comes with that extra bit of responsibility.

Playing sports has left it's mark on my body, I look and feel older, I miss the family members we've lost and I watch I watch those still with us get older in ill health.

I had a hard time being myself in my teens and it took a while of working through that until I felt most like myself in that time from mid 20s.

Now at 53.

Mid 30s then again from mid 50s

I feel like I fitted in best of all with my group of friends during my year abroad, aged 20. I don’t think I’ve ever felt as accepted as “me” ever since.

That’s so sad.

Late 20s. I was successful, living in London, fab social life, lots of travel, fairly glamorous life, doing the things I’d always wanted to do. I remember catching sight of myself in a shop window, striding along in my chic little suit, and thinking: “wow. Younger me would be so proud of me. I’m the woman I always wanted to be.”

Then I got married and had kids and…well I wouldn’t say it went wrong, because I got my gorgeous kids out of it. But I have two ND kids who need a fair amount of care; I couldn’t go back to work; I can’t travel or see friends….it’s a very different life to the one I thought I was destined for.

I’m nearly there now, mid 40s. Im the most ‘real’ I have ever been and getting closer every day to being totally real and authentic. Maybe by 50 or 60 I’ll be there!

Now! I cringe when I look back at young me. Teenage years are awful, I can't imagine how anyone would think they were at their most real during puberty!

The age I am now. It's taken decades to undo the people pleasing, bullying and abuse I have been through. I feel now I have got rid of all the toxic people in my life I can finally breathe freely.

All of them. Changing levels of knowledge, maturity, interests and tastes and beliefs are all the real me. I am the same person, regardless.

27-31 it's the only time me in my adult life when I've been single. I lose a big chunk of myself when I'm in relationships, my personality means I became a bit of a support act.

Now...early 50s.
Menopause completely changed me as I had PMDD before and didn't realise. According to friends I'm a completely different person now (a much happier, relaxed one!).
It's weird to think that I'm only now seeing the 'real' me under the hormones.

Now! At 50!

Now ,I am late 50's and was not a confident person in my teens. Just recently someone told me I am assertive and confident and I said Thanks and I agreed with them. I know one friend told me she thinks I stand for no nonsense from anyone and that I take no prisoners. I reckon that is also true. Yet as a teenager well it is a different story. I reckon it is the experience of life has made me that way. It looks like the same applies to others in the same age group.

I would say 17-20 & now age 45

2 very different phases of my life and the 2 where I am most content and happy in myself.

Right now. Nearly 60 and I finally know who I am and accept - and like - myself.

Depends how one defines it. From one point of view, the answer will always be "now", for me, because of the culmination of experiences that shape me. For me this is a question about authenticity. Although my experiences were limited in my teens, and then gradually increasing in my 20s, 30s, etc., I've always been very "me" in my response. I haven't had any significant character change.

I mean, I’ve always been the same sort of version of myself, since I was in high school. But now I’m in my 40s I’m an even more pronounced, confident version of that high school girl.

As an an example, in high school I was part of a group of friends that I never really fit in with, and I would hide a lot of myself so I didn’t stick out like a sore thumb. I was only really my absolute true self at home. Now I’m in my 40s you can literally take me or leave me. I am who I am (try not to break out into song 🤣) and if you don’t like me, I genuinely do not care a jot.

27

University years. Fell in love with a beautiful boy and a beautiful city. And in a way with myself as a person separate from my dysfunctional family

I find this a really weird concept because people aren't static, or shouldn't be. I'm always my real self, but the person I am changes with time/ life stage/ location/ stress/ responsibilities/ role etc. etc.

Nobody has one "authentic self" frozen in time, that's not how being alive works.

Sounds wonderful! Would love to hear more!

No, but some of us haven’t been what our authentic self was at a particular time. We knew we were doing things or acting a certain way for whatever reason and it wasn’t truly what we were like. Lots of people put on a mask to a degree when with others, but for me, it was constant and extreme at times, for a variety of reasons.

Whereas since I’ve been 30 ish, although I’ve changed, I’ve always been me, no pretending.

I came out of child survival mode at 16 - 19 then re-entered the matrix until I was 52 and have since been in the fuck it philosophy.