To ask how old your kids were when you stopped putting reins on them?

[Yourdevelopment]

Assuming no special needs etc.

Never used them. Tried once and DC rolled round on ground like an untrained horse.

Well good for you. However some children are very nimble, wriggly and fast and need to be kept safe

I was going to say exactly the same about DD, but would have likened her to putting a lead on a cat 😂 (and yes I know some people put leads on cats, but I mean your average car that would absolutely freak).

29 and they still bloody escape

Very well explained @AffableApple

Have to laugh at the posters who seem to actually believe that it is their brilliant parenting that means they had dc that never acted impulsively.

It’s a tragedy but I do also think we need to get it in context. Road accidents resulting in children being killed or seriously hurt are both rare and when they do happen don’t tend to involve under 5s. Use of reins has largely fallen out of fashion while pedestrian fatalities have gone down considerably, despite the increase of cars over the last fifty years. So I don’t think we can draw any conclusions from this. A one off tragedy is a one off tragedy.

Invisimamma · Yesterday 22:20
I never used reins. I don't think children belong on a lead.
I have two very active boys and worked hard on hand holding, staying close to Mum/dad and following instructions. It pays off in the long run.

Oh yes you're right - I still used reins up until my kids were about 12, because using them stunted their growth rather than keeping them both safe when walking with them, and then latterly their baby brother.

I mean, you don't get a medal for looking down your nose at people who have/had more impulsive children than you. Or who had limited mobility. Or who lived near a busy road. Or who weren't able to drive everywhere. Or who just have done an internal risk assessment and believe that the positives far outweigh any perceived negatives.

Honestly people that say stuff like "I don't put my kids on a leash" sound as stupid to me as the "I do my own research" anti-vaxxers.

Also, for those who need to know, it's REINS. No G.

Ummm....so what? I don't understand what your point is here. Car crashes are also very rare but we still strap our kids into specially designed seats.

Fine if you risk assess that on balance, your kid is probably not going to bolt or fall over or whatever, but I don't actually understand what your beef is. Like I say, I had two, they were bolters, when they were two I was pregnant again and then had a newborn. Until they could reliably walk beside me, they were on reins, because their safety was and is paramount. There are no downsides to reins.

Car crashes are also very rare but we still strap our kids into specially designed seats.

Ok, so when are your children not going to be on reins then? If the argument is that a child on a pavement near the road should be wearing reins as a preventative measure because that is the same as a car seat, when do you stop that?

I don’t have any ‘beef’ (?) but I do think pointing out that children running onto roads and being run over isn’t something that happens much if at all.

When you're confident they're not going to face plant onto concrete or run off. I'd think that's fairly obvious?

When do you decide they're safe eating without you watching the entire time when they're weaning to make sure they don't choke? Or when do you decide it's safe to pop out of the room and leave them playing?

Well, this is the thing isn’t it - people are replying being amusing with ‘25’ but you could, couldn’t you?

I am not tying to be an arse, I suppose I just think that with the increase in traffic and the decrease in popularity of reins we would naturally see an increase in fatalities of young children on the roads but we don’t, which indicates to me that reins are not the answer here.

Yeah I'm sure a 25 year old would go along with that. I think it would end at the age the kid learns to undo it themselves wouldn't it.

People are driving their kids to places more and walking with them less. That's probably more the reason than reins or not.

2 kids Dd & Ds never used them, used buggy and held hands.

I played games like running to the next lamp post or they had to freeze when I shouted stop. And I'd stop - start them multiple times on the way to the next tree / lamp post. Or say if they walk nicely then they can have or do XYZ (always something they were going to get / do anyway).

I always felt reins looked like taking a pet for a walk - but if a child is a runner & unpredictable then I would rather be safe than sorry & use them.

I was lucky my kids were "bribable" (not sure that's even a word.) And 4yrs between them so the older understood enough by the time the youngest was walking. Not sure it'd have been that simple were they closer in age.

Do what's right & what works for you & your child.

When she was stable enough to walk reliably without falling over and could listen to instructions about road safety. So I don't know...about 18 months or something? Can't really remember.

I had a bolter. She was wild! I tried reins but she just fell on them like a deadweight and then span around in circles using them like a swing 😂. Didn't work at all. She also hated her pushchair. The best way we got around was putting her in a backpack carrier thing

Oh yeah I have done this. 👍

Part of the decrease is likely to be due to slower speeds, fewer children playing out unsupervised/just with a sibling. When I was 4 in the 70s I was able to wander about 500m away completely unsupervised.

I think that as with most aspects of parenting it is about weighing the risks and gradually passing over responsibility to your child. You don't suddenly say at 18 that they are totally independent having been totally dependent on you the day before. There will be a gradual handover, leaving them in the room on their own, clearing their plates, walking ahead of you, going to a party without you, having a phone, going to the park with a friend, walking to school alone, staying at home while you pop to the shop, staying home alone while you go away. It is an ongoing dance of judging when they are ready for the next step.

Sometimes they show that you can trust them more so you give them more independence/ responsibility, sometimes they do something which demonstrates that they can not be trusted with the responsibility so you drop back to the previous level of responsibility. Some children never need to wear reins, others will not need them when they are 2, others are older.

The art of parenting is giving each child enough freedom and at the right time to have the possiblitiy to fail a little but not so much freedom that they are totally unsupported or in real danger.

People are driving their kids to places more and walking with them less.

@longapple Yes this, and they are also pushing them around in prams for longer, then putting them on buggy boards, so lots of children miss out on regular opportunities to develop their strength, stamina and coordination through getting places on foot. If reins help parents to get their kids used to active travel and build good activity into their day from a younger age, I'm all for that.

Well my 11 year old cousin did just that.

Ran out in front of a bus. Dead in a second.

Reins obviously wouldn't have prevented it , but children much older than 5 make mistakes on roads and do die.

As parents we have a responsbility to manage accident risk in our young children. If our children can't manage, and many can't, it is far better to keep them safe than to worry about being judged for doing so.

You're being absolutely fucking ridiculous now.

I've been sitting here trying to craft a response but honestly I'm just flabbergasted at the pure stupidity of people are replying being amusing with ‘25’ but you could, couldn’t you? The answer is no, you couldn't. Because unless it's passed you by toddlers are not the same as grown adults.

A lot depends on how you do things.

I didn't use them with my eldest girls (twins) because we were mostly in the car and then out the car somewhere safe for them.

Whereas with DS2 and DD4 we had moved and did a lot of walking to and from places so I used them a lot with them.

The backpacks are a great idea because once they're trustworthy enough the lead/handle can go in the bag and it's still there if there is an occasion it's needed, but not all the time.

My children were on reins until they could reliably walk by themselves without wandering off. Or falling over in the middle of the road. And when I didn't have a baby in a pram and two toddlers to deal with alone. Why haven't you asked "when do you stop holding hands for safety?" because the answer is the same.

Are you just posting rage bait now, or do you not have kids? Do you genuinely not have the imagination to understand when a parent might use reins that isn't just related to road safety? And are you just ignoring the posts that detail them?

My children are teens now. They walk to and from school along busy roads without incident. Has it made any difference to them that I used reins with them? No. Has it made any difference to you? Also no.