To ask how old your kids were when you stopped putting reins on them?

[Yourdevelopment]

Assuming no special needs etc.

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You can be briefly distracted when you drop your keys.

You can be abruptly distracted by a sudden noise.

You can be partially distracted if your mind briefly wanders to a conversation you had last week.

It doesn't have to be a twin sister who needs attention.

And at any point during this your well-trained, docile, non-bolter can suddenly do something unexpected. Like bolt. Or just go a different way a short distance. Or anything. And then, tragedy.

Toddlers are unpredictable. It's not about twins, singletons, sex. The poster was asking about age. People are giving their examples, based on their children's maturity levels and ages. And helping the poster consider age in context. All very relevant.

You got lucky. Children are unpredictable. Having read such a terrible thing to have happened, I can't believe you're doubling down on this.

Because also - since you're talking about relevance - your thoughts as a non-user were never even asked for...

I’ve just started using them with my 2yo who loves to run, as I’m 7 months pregnant and not as able to chase after her! Congratulations to those with calm children who obediently hold their parents hands for the duration of outings.

I remember reading the post from a fellow MNetter who lost her DC and as a result cannot understand the judgment around reins.

I used a Little Life type bag with a long handle until DD was probably 5 or so, she wasn't a bolter at all but was great for places that are very busy where you might get separated like tube stations or local festivals.

The bag means they don't get a tired hand holding it up and you can put the handle back in the bag when not needed

Never used reins, lived in a quiet town, never walked along main roads with the kids

Some children pull their hands out of yours no matter what you do if your other hand is full that gives time for them to run into the road and die. Also a small child with their arms up in the air on a 20 minute walk can be tiering for them.

They can't get in the road that's how they work.

Do all the people coming on this thread who didn't use reins want a medal or something?

I use reins on my 13m old because he's four feet shorter than me, and we're not always in places he can free range.

I suppose very short women might get away without using them.

That's the thing as well, I'm 5ft 10 and when I take a friends child out it would be crippling to hand hold
Also their hands are slippery little suckers!

I’ve not either but DD is 16 months and she’s not the best walker (only recently started) and she mills around with no sense of direction! I was considering the backpack ones just so I can hold onto her and keep an eye on the other one who is 3. Catching up with thread now …

I’ll be honest, I’m surprised at how many people are saying they use them at 3 (special needs is different.)

2 with DS1; almost 4 with DS2. Very different children … and different nurseries. DS2’s nursery was on a main road.

Don’t be surprised - some kids are bolters even when their older sibling of the same sex was not.

You would be a negligent parent if you did not use reins on a 3 year old who loves running away from you when you leave nursery situated on a busy main road.

Varied - alone with both dc I had them either strapped into the double buggy or on reins until dd1 was 4 as she has autism plus I was dealing with a toddler as well. Fir dd2 I stopped by 3 as she reliably held by hand and we moved at 3 to a rural village meaning that crowds weren't an issue

On that note, I’ve read this thread with interest as a non-parent, so possibly not entitled to an opinion.
My young dog is very obedient. When I say ‘wait’ she stops in her tracks and waits. When I call her back she hasn’t failed to return once, even in the rebellious adolescent stage. I would never walk her off lead beside a road, because unexpected things can happen. She could be spooked, I could be distracted by the unexpected etc.
The implied judgement I’m seeing here towards parents wanting to keep their children as safe as my dog is a bit odd.

I think we used them from just starting to walk until the kids were walking competently and not tripping up regularly. We probably stopped using them around 2.

I had to make some really suddenly once when we were on holiday because DS really suddenly got excited about running into traffic. I had to just run into a haberdashery shop and buy a long cord and literally tie the cord into reins to stop him ending it all right there on the road. The reins worked brilliantly and we never needed them again after that one day. I think he was about 3.

I 'co-parented' grandson and he was a runner (go to a huge field and he'd look for an escape route) so I introduced old-fashioned reins for walking round roads and shops. He began to dislike them at about 2.5 so we spent a couple of shopping trips learning how to be trusted, I'd point to a lamp post and say 'you must stop when you get there or the reins will go on'. He realised I wasn't joking and each time I'd let him wander a bit further with the same caveat and from then on he never strayed without permission - having the reins in my bag was a gentle reminder.

Until DS2 was about to start school! 😆 He was not only a Runner, but would also try to do daft stuff like lean over into the gutter to look at something interesting- putting his head into the path of traffic. 🤦🏻‍♀️
DS1 I didn't use them at all I think, and DS3 was constantly strapped in a sling so didn't use them much.

I think as PP have said, if you live near busy roads and walk everywhere then you're more likely to need them. Same as seeing 'older' toddlers in buggies.

@WobblyBoots They're quite useful for the 'complete stop while crossing a road tantrum' as you can pick the child up with one hand using the back of the harness, much as you would with a pair of dungarees! Don't even need to break stride! 😎

It is not as much about special needs, although I am sure that can be a factor, it is about judging your situation and your child. Three children under five, poor mobility in pregnancies, no car most of the week so we walked everywhere, add to that a child who was very independent and determined. We used reins.

Yes of course we taught road safety but a three or four year old doesn't always think about road safety. By four it was more a case of yes you can walk holding hands with your friend but if you don't stop when I tell you, if you have a tantrum, or if you go into the road then the reins go on until we are somewhere safer.

Fortunately that independence and determination has taken my dc to medical school and living her best life. Yes she probably would have been OK without reins but accidents are accidents and until your child is really reliable in the situation in which you are living, it is not too much to have reins as one of the many different ways in which you keep your child safe.

No, it is fair enough. And I don’t yet know what kettle of fish DD will be but (and I’m just being honest here about me, it’s no reflection on anybody else) I’d feel a bit self conscious beyond about two, unless it was a very busy place or similar.

i would also worry that as someone else said reins have a sort of natural point where the child stops so can give a false sense of security when they are removed. There’s a bit of a dichotomy with reins on the internet (everyone uses them) and RL though where I rarely see the and if I do it’s on a very young only just walking child. Same with extended rear facing car seats.

Reins were great for when ours was walking but prone to falling still, it meant he could trundle along even on rough ground and I could catch him if he fell before his face smashed into the ground without yanking his arm.
Later we had one of the backpack ones, those are good for stopping them running off and having them carry a toy if they want but as they only have one anchor point they're less good for stopping falls.

I'd rather have my child on a lead than under a bus, they can be unpredictable and if you feel it would help with your child on the places you walk then it's none of anyone's business. Mine became very reliable about staying by the pushchair with the lead on so we just naturally stopped, but he carried on using the backpack with the lead inside for ages because he likes it so we could use it if we wanted to if we were somewhere busy and I wanted to keep him close but he didn't want to hold hands.
I don't understand why it always has to turn into competitive reason giving. Oh my child was sooo advanced and well behaved I never needed them or oh I liked to encourage adventuring so mine needed them because I took them to such enriching environments 😴

If they tried to run off in reins you can stop them. You don’t know if you have a child who would run off until they actually do it.
Reins aren’t a leash (stupid comment). It’s good safety practice for all toddlers to wear them. With twins they were essential.