It feels awful, should be a magical time of the year and it just isn’t. Please bear in mind I’ve had next to no sleep for days now, so it’s probably coming over as more negative than I actually really mean.
One of our children is 3, turns 4 at the start of next year so not at school yet. In many ways he’s not too bad; he sleeps well, but so much of his behaviour is just exhausting and frustrating. Throwing toys, jumping on sofas onto people - which is fucking dangerous - he used to eat well but has become obsessed with chocolate and ice cream recently and whines for them constantly. He has no patience whatsoever - I obviously don’t expect much patience but so yesterday someone gave him a party bag leaving a party, I was putting his sister in the car seat and said I’d open it for him when he was in the car but he couldn’t wait even seconds so contents all over the ground. And this is illustrative; it’s all the time, he’ll ask for milk and I say yes sure just let me finish my wee and by the time I have done so milk is all over the floor. I feel like I am constantly, constantly on at him - get down, leave that alone, put it down, leave it, I said leave it. And yes I have read how to talk 😂
Then my younger one is nearly 17 months now and it’s not her fault, she has repeated ear infections which we’re trying to sort but her sleep is terrible as a result and she’s so clingy and grumpy during the day. She gets so upset when she’s in her pushchair for longer than ten minutes or so that it makes any trip out difficult / impossible - we’ve had to leave two places this weekend because she was fighting the straps, thrashing around and moaning, crying and screaming, at home she’s similar and just wants to be picked up but if I sit down with her she starts crying. What she seems to want is for me to endlessly walk around with her in my arms. I tried one of those hip carriers to give my arms a break but no, only my arms will apparently do and apart from the fact she’s heavy it’s obviously massively impractical. I’m struggling to get anything at all done. On the very, very rare occasions I don’t have children around me I have to desperately try to keep on top of household chores and it isn’t one of those lower my standards sort of scenarios.
I think I’m getting very depressed, and it’s hard to know whether it’s exhaustion, a natural reaction or what - I am not sure.
I work three days a week and that’s hugely adding to my stress as like a lot of part time workers I get treated like I’m full time and I am not sure there’s a way around this unfortunately, it’s just sort of how it is.
The worst thing is all the guilt inducing stuff about how they are only small once and I know this but at the moment I can’t wait for them both to grow up.