To hate when people repeatedly tell the same stories?

[overrainbowstars]

I have a colleague (we started one month apart) who constantly tells me about the interview process, who interviewed her, what she had to do etc.

And I just think yes we spoke about this the day we met. Why do you think I don’t know this story?!?

My sister is terrible for this too. Constantly tells me the same stories that she would have told me at the time they actually happened. But no a good 15 years later I’m still getting told about the time her uni friend walked out of their exam.

My son attends speech therapy and this has come up in conversation with the therapist and she tells me it’s a speech and language issue when people do this. So not being able to see when people are bored with the conversation, not being able to recognise that you’ve overloaded someone with too much pointless information and not sticking to factual important bits of a conversation and waffling on is a speech and language communication issue.

but a lot of people have this issue. If my sister has been to an appointment and I ask how she’s got on so will start with

”Well I looked at the time and thought it will take me 30 mins to get there so I didn’t want to be late so I set off 50 mins to give me time. When I got there I couldn’t find a parking space etc etc, when I got to the door I rang the bell and she came out to me and said hi and we went inside etc etc

as she’s my sister, I just interrupt her and tell her I don’t need to know all that waffle and I just need to know the outcome 🤣

but obviously I just silently grit my teeth if someone does this outside of the family

She was told that by her manager in the workplace? What kind of weird place do you work in?

Given you have an unprofessional manager, she might be finding the workplace quite miserable. Not surprising she remembers it.

I am usually just tolerant of people who repeat themselves, it's common. I'm annoying in other ways!

I’ve noticed I do this sometimes without meaning to. Usually because I’ve forgotten who I said it to before.

I do talk to a lot of different groups of people, though. I don’t work with the same people day after day due to the nature of my job. More often than not, it’s DP, my best friend or my boss that I tell a thing more than once.

I don’t know if it’s anything to do with any of these things, but I do have ADHD that I’m medicated for and I’m likely peri-menopausal too. My brain is always going 70mph.

The code word is a great idea. I catch myself doing this sometimes. I agree it's vexing when people repeat themselves, so it's extra embarrassing when I do it myself 😩

'To hate' what?
The person? The story? The process?

I knew an older lady who would repeat stories and I always just listened and smiled except for one of them.... which was about the grisly murder of some children where she lived. I did not want to hear about it over and over again because it was just horrendous. To start with I asked her politely not to tell that story but she promptly forgot that and to my horror started telling it again one day. In the end I had to be very blunt and react and say very loudly something like 'Maureen, I have asked you not to tell me this story'.

With the manager sleeping with married men story, it is office gossip (however old) and she's trying to get attention? Very tedious for everyone else but could you do some elaborate yawns and say something like 'tell us a new one Brenda'?

There are people in my family who do this. I respond with an enthusiastic interruption:

"Yes, you told me about that before - wasn't it awful/great/funny?"

Oh I feel you! My DH does this as well. Usually it's small slights that he keeps coming back to. I have tried everything. Yes, you told me about this 3 times today, can we move on to a nicer "don't let that person live in your head rentfree" . He always gets miffed saying ok, I will stop talking or you never want to listen or yeah, but it's just so annoying I can't get over it. It really drives me mad!!

With respect, though, if you’re that sensitive, stop repeating yourself? Surely, unless you have dementia or amnesia, you can tell whether you’ve told that story about the time when you showed up to a party dressed as a Playboy bunny to discover it wasn’t fancy dress before, to the same people, more than once?

You would love my in-laws! Not only do you hear the same stories but you have to listen to a narrative of their day (s). My brother-in-law is exactly the same! It isn’t even a conversation, just a series of random statements and when you try to find common ground they move onto the next thing they want to tell you.

My mum used to do this and was later diagnosed with the beginning of dementia. She was around the mid 60s when she first started repeating herself.

I also have a friend who loves talking about our schooldays and constantly says "do you remember when ...". Yes, I do, I've never been allowed to forget it as you keep reminding me. We left school in 1972. 🙄

I think you have to give grace to people for this, unless they're extreme offenders. It's so easy to do and you will catch yourself doing it one day and be mortified accordingly.

What’s MC? My mum does this and I think for her it’s a mixture of:
the fear of silence
bossy/in charge personality
and wanting to bond with me by sharing memories of things I can’t remember because I was either tiny or not present…..

My mum does this.

It's very common in elderly people; less common in younger ones.

I do tend to forget who I've told what to. But there's a difference between - Did I tell you about our dentist appointment on Monday and telling them the story of how we met (again).

Haven’t you complained about this a couple of times before?

I think this is different when it's older people versus working age people.

My mum and dad have just turned 80, I'm confident there isn't any actual dementia, but they have a lot of medical appointments and some mobility issues at the moment and I think their lives are just a lot smaller than they were (used to have work, then in retirement lots of activities, golf etc.), and i think that also their day to day 'small' things occupy their minds more and become bigger and worry them more. E.g. I heard 3 times last night that dad has an appointment in a neighbouring town this week and they don't know what the parking situation is like or how far they will have to walk to the clinic etc. They don't mean to repeat themselves, they're just quite mentally occupied with this slight worry.

With younger people I tend to think it's a bit of a lack of social awareness, they don't pick up on the cues, and don't realise that the information they are sharing is not new and not interesting to the listener. I mean everybody can occasionally repeat a story having forgotten who they have already shared it with, but it's also very normal to pause and say 'sorry did we talk about this last week? Oh gosh sorry i won't bore you again!' Or similar. People who don't do this are generally trying very hard to bond and it's something that doesn't come easily to them.

Doesn't make it and less annoying though! I just think there are different reasons for it.

I have a friend who has lived a very interesting life. He's in a different country to me and getting too old to travel, he says. Always tells me the same six or so stories when I see him, mixed with a couple of new ones. He's reliving the memories and sharing with me. I enjoy listening to him and am seeing him this week. I'm becoming aware that it might be the last time. If it is, I'll miss him and his stories very much.

I have a colleague who tells me things I've told her... for example "apparently Sue from science is off with a broken leg, she fell down the stairs!" Yes I know, I told YOU that!

Have you never read Tom Gates? It’s one hand in the air for ‘I’ve heard this story before” and two hands in the air for “I’ve heard this story before and I don’t want to herd it again”. Obviously this is rude, but if you do it to yourself subtly under the table it’s cheering.

I feel really bad for you @MaMisled and I think this is a reminder to those who get grouchy about it that it’s sometimes better all round to just hear it again - maybe with more interest than the first time in case they thought you were not listening! I don’t really think it’s something someone would do to actively try to be annoying is it?

I know people like that too, it's strange.😂

Unfortunately it's not really about people who genuinely don't remember, but the oblivious/self-centred ones who have no such problems, but just don't care.

As PP have said, it is self-soothing and with older people (like me) it is a way of reminiscing. I try not to do it and shut up as soon as someone tells me. My mother used to do it and because it soothed her I used to listen and smile. My brother was less patient and told her she'd told him before. Sometimes she ignored him, but once he must have been more forceful and she just stopped and didn't say anything more and looked really upset. I'm sure it upset him more than listening to her would have. She didn't have dementia - just more past than future.

I have a friend who is nicknamed Radio 1 for the same reason